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is this relationship going anywhere???!!!

we have been together for 5.5 years, and have 2 kids together. we have never seriously talked about marriage until I asked him recently what he wanted out of the relationship, if he ever wanted to get married, if hes thought about it etc. well he told me he just doesnt want doubts or regrets. ITS BEEN 5.5 YEARS!!!!!!!!!!!!! i dont know how much more he needs to be assured that neither of us is going anywhere. i feel hurt that weve been together so long, weve been through so much, and still hes unsure of us being together! should i take his "i dont want doubts/regrets" comment that way? i dont want to be pushy with him or make him feel like we HAVE to be married right now but i dont want to feel like im wasting my time either. i want to marry him, and have a future. im not sure that i can keep holding on to "maybe one day"

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:12 PM on May. 14, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • explain to him that you understand that he doesn't want 'doubts or regrets' and that you just want him to know how you feel and tell him what you want and that there are no doubts or regrets on your side, so when he's ready you want to marry him. ask him if he can see you together in the future. if not, it's time to make a decision...
    flaggot13

    Answer by flaggot13 at 11:15 PM on May. 14, 2010

  • do you live with him? that might be it- like the saying why buy the cow if you get the milk for free... maybe suggest a trial separation to see where he stands with his doubts/regrets.
    Shy_Dia

    Answer by Shy_Dia at 11:18 PM on May. 14, 2010

  • separation is a bad idea....i would not go that route. that can destroy even the healthiest of relationships
    flaggot13

    Answer by flaggot13 at 11:24 PM on May. 14, 2010

  • In my opinion, your relationship should have grown and ended up in marriage 5 years ago. It looks like it isn't going anywhere at all....he likes what he has now: No strings. Think about your kids. Give him an ultimatum. He has to make a commitment. For everyones' sake. If he won't......say goodbye. Really.Don't put up with that. You and your kids deserve MORE.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:28 PM on May. 14, 2010

  • i dont want him to feel like he has to marry me if he truely isnt ready. i dont want him to have regrets either, but to my knowledge we dont have any problems with our relationship that would make him so unsure. i dont want him to be forced into it, i want him to WANT to. i just want to know that the relationship, sooner or later (perferably sooner) is going forward.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:32 PM on May. 14, 2010

  • just calmly express your feelings to him and assure him that when he is ready you are ready to make that move.
    flaggot13

    Answer by flaggot13 at 11:46 PM on May. 14, 2010

  • if there aren't any problems, don't go looking for them
    flaggot13

    Answer by flaggot13 at 11:47 PM on May. 14, 2010

  • I would stay and see. if it is a healthy relationship and you truly love him just be patient a little while longer. realationships are hard and if you got a good one keep it
    symle456

    Answer by symle456 at 12:10 AM on May. 15, 2010

  • Don't leave and don't take his comment the wrong way. His fears are understandable. Couple's can split up at any time. My aunt was with her boyfriend for 12 years, and they have an 8 year old son, and they split up last November when he started an affair with my cousin's ex-girlfriend! You should fully explain exactly how you're feeling and while you understand his worries getting married won't mean that things have to change - especially if you already live together and share expenses. The biggest difference will be if the relationship does end, a divorce will take awhile but because you have kids you'll be in court for awhile anyway with custody, visitation and child support arrangements. There's no way to be sure that there won't be regrets. I was absolutely in love with my ex, we were together 10 years and have 2 small kids but things ended. My parents on the other hand have been blissfully married for 30 years.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:05 AM on May. 15, 2010

  • Wow, this is a tough one. On the other hand, how much TIME DOES HE NEED TO MAKE A DECISION?Especially after having two kids together? Maybe he has issues about marriage that he has not shared with you?

    I would go see a marriage counselor. Good luck.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:35 AM on May. 15, 2010

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