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I have a 15 year old son that will not listen to me and does whatever he wants

I blame my self by not discpling him like i should now i am paying the price. He has admitted to smoking pot. He has been charged with 2nd degree assault a year ago The court gave him probation before judgement. He has also been caught smoking cigarettes by a police officer. He is failing his classes in school. His Father has been out of life for the last 5 years while he was in prison for his own drug use. His father is now clean and want to step back into our son life so he does not end of like him. My son has threaten to run away. I just had him and his father into my son's counseling meeting last week. At the meeting I had to separate my son from trying to get physical with his father. What should I do. Do you think that his father is the only one that is going to help with my problem with my son?

 
ladybug0614

Asked by ladybug0614 at 11:08 AM on May. 15, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Level 9 (314 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • I can say you have tp put your foot down. My 16 y.o brother is the same way and I blame his father AND my mom. She never put her foot down with either of them. I didn't do anything until I was 14 and even than the worst thing I did was drop out of school but I wanted to do that since kindergarden and had nothing to do with my parents. My father and I just started talking this week. We have spoken more in one week than we have in 10 years. Today I actually spoke with him on the phone! I think your son is one testing you. You have not left and he is trying to see what he can do to make you leave. DON'T GIVE UP ON HIM!!!! As for his dad he is mad. Let him be mad. Tell him and have his dad tell him it's OK to be mad at him. I was sooo mad at my dad and now we talk everyday. I talk to my mom as often as I talk to my mom and I finally have both of them and if your son will let him he can have both too. PM me and GL!
    delilahsmom1177

    Answer by delilahsmom1177 at 12:15 PM on May. 15, 2010

  • Your son obviously has anger issues that is directly related to dad, probably for abandoning him. Kids always think that parents abandon them no matter why they leave. Let him work out his issues with dad. He will be fine once he stops bottling up all that anger and it is toward dad so let dad handle it. Dad's a big boy. He'll manage ok.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:11 AM on May. 15, 2010

  • Unfortunately, yes you are to blame. Unless you start disciplining them at a very early age, this is what you wind up with.

    Thanks for posting this information for all those mothers out there who are not strict disciplinarians. THIS IS WHAT YOU TOO WILL HAVE in the future.

    I am sorry, but the only solution for you is to either send him to a boot camp or take him down to the local police station and let them talk to him. I know it sounds bad, but if you want to help him, this is what must be done.

    Otherwise, you will ALWAYS have these problems with him. Sorry.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:12 AM on May. 15, 2010

  • No, I dont think dad is the only one that can help him, but he is a very important part of this picture. If dad is clean, give him a chance to be the dad. Your son has lots of anger issues to be worked out with dad, let them work it out. Maybe next counseling appt, let them go in there alone. Its not your place to get between them, Dad is a big boy who can take care of himself. Let these two man up, for the first time in their lives.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:13 AM on May. 15, 2010

  • I cab't give any advice but it is NOT because you didn't discipline. Children do not act out because they have an easy ride - that would suggest that children are born bad and unless you "set them right" with fear and punishment they won't choose to do the right thing by themselves. I would rather a son who chose to do the right thing because he wanted to than one who chose to do it out of fear of consequence.

    Your son is deeply distressed and it could very well be as a result of his relationship with his father. Sorting this out, listening lots and being there for your son is the only thing you can do to help him mend and no that he is loved unconditionally.
    keyaziz

    Answer by keyaziz at 11:30 AM on May. 15, 2010

  • its not all your fault just because you didnt discipline. it probably more has to do with his father, and the troubles of growing up. i had some serious issues too growing up, my father abondoned me too & i hated my stepparents, i started doing drugs, failing school, getting into fights, etc. - my mom put me in group homes, psychiatric hospitals, etc. - those just made it worse. so i really dont know what to tell you. for me, it had to just ride its course, it started at 13, and by 18-19 it was over. i think the counseling is good though. GL
    PURPULbutterfly

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 11:44 AM on May. 15, 2010

  • THANK YOU FOR ALL OF YOUR RESPONSES TO MY QUESTION. THEY ALL HELP ME. MY SON FATHER IS COMING OVER TO THE HOUSE TODAY TO HELP ME AROUND THE HOUSE. I HOPE MY SON DOES NOT REACT IN A VIOLATE WAY. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE TO CALL ANY ONE ON MY SON. I LOVE HIM . WISH ME LUCK
    ladybug0614

    Answer by ladybug0614 at 12:49 PM on May. 15, 2010

  • ladybug.... Have his dad sit down with him YOU IN THE MIDDLE!!! and explain what has gone on in his life! Have him explain to his son face to face why he wasn't there! It may not help RIGHT NOW but it will set in eventually! GOOD LUCK!!!!!
    delilahsmom1177

    Answer by delilahsmom1177 at 12:55 PM on May. 15, 2010

  • I think your son is angry and maybe they need to have counselling slowly maybe the anger was created when his father was not clean. I think your son should try anger management and Al Anon it helps people who have addicted members of the family or anyone they love even if he is clean now maybe your son needs a place to talk. I can say this because my dad was a drunk and sometimes it hurt to be related to them.

    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 1:10 PM on May. 15, 2010

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