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Would u let your fiance discipline your kids that was not his?

This is a huge issue for me right now. I don't have a problem with it,but there daddy does there was an incedent that happened with my 14 year old talking back. My fiance jumped right in and grab him around his throat (not choking him). Me and him got in a big argument over this. My last 3 kids are his I don't know what to do with this problem.Anyway the news got back to his daddy,he wants to put a warrant out on him. My child was not hurt he just went on doing what he was doing outside. But I don't want my 3 young kids to be without there daddy. I told him we can't be together because of this. So he just said my son can do what he wants,talk to me any kind of way and he want do nothing. But when I tell his daddy he says he coming to handle it and he won't come.I just had surgery a couple of weeks ago so I can't do anything right now. No bashing I justice want advice and to make the best decision.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:45 AM on May. 15, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (24)
  • I would let him discipline (not grabbing by the neck), and I would hold off marriage unitl you come to an agreement. Decide if spanking if for you or time outs etc, but don't tie the knot until you agree on this. It always gets worse after marriage. Make sure you agree or you'll just open yourself up to constant marital spats.
    LisaG777

    Answer by LisaG777 at 11:48 AM on May. 15, 2010

  • I think that I would re-talk to your fiancee, and tell him that yes, you appreciate his backing you in arguments, but that hands-on with a child that old is simply not an option. This will work out. If it's happened before to where he is abusive, reconsider the man. If this is a one-time thing, I think that it can be talked about and forgiven. Just be open with this child's dad and let him know that it won't happen again.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:48 AM on May. 15, 2010

  • Thank u
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:53 AM on May. 15, 2010

  • I personally think that's OVERKILL! You don't EVER grab someones neck!

    How you could stay with someone who grabs your childs neck( even if they're not choking him/her) IS BEYOND BELIEF!!!

    You heard of the Ethan stacy story. WIll that be your kids one day when you're not there? Your fiance goes a tad more overboard than he already has?

    You're taking a HUGE risk here. and If I were the father of these children I'd fight for full custody to get them out of your house as long as you have that man living there with you. With supervised visits. Sometimes things you'd least suspect, happen. You have a clear warning sign flashing in your face about your fiance. If you ignore it and something happens to your children you'll only have yourself to blame. Do you want to risk your children being hurt? I can imagine your one child is already emotionally damaged by the whole neck grab! Imagine how that'd feel? It's horrid!!!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:56 AM on May. 15, 2010

  • No hands on my children!!!! you want to re-enforce my rules great. you lay a hand on my children or grab them inappropriately as your fiance did. You're gone. End of Story!




    bad

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:57 AM on May. 15, 2010

  • He grabbed your child like that and you're still with him? WTH? I hope you're not the next news story!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:58 AM on May. 15, 2010

  • I feel so bad for your children. I think they may be safer with their dad.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:59 AM on May. 15, 2010

  • Well if you're going to stay with him, you must create boundaries. Ones that your ex husband agrees with as well. Limits your fiance is allowed as far as discipline goes. Such as: No hands on children. No threats. Instead you can lecture, you can take away fun items such as phone, tv, things that teens look forward to, a social event gone.

    I think your ex husband would be much happier with this kind of discipline. I think the whole hands on throat even if he wasn't squeezing is excessive and I'd be worried about leaving my children alone with him to be completely honest with you. I don't know you or him so I can only go off what you say. Word of advice, be careful and keep a very watchful eye for how your fiance handles your children.

    Good luck
    Skepticchick

    Answer by Skepticchick at 12:05 PM on May. 15, 2010

  • No I told him because of this we cannot be together, so now my kids that are 4,3,1 don't have a daddy so now that's my story.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:05 PM on May. 15, 2010

  • My fiance treats my daughter as if she were his own....and that includes the discipline. He has never put his hand around her throat, but I think that is completely uncalled for, even if it was his own child, and I would have flipped out. You should be upset with him...and you need to set bounderies. How long have you been with this man?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:06 PM on May. 15, 2010

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