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is anyone else scared to commit to one person?

me and my fiance got engaged about 6 months before I got pregnant. We were going to have a wedding at the hotel, pretty simple, not extravagent, his grandpa was going to marry us like he does all of his grand children but then I got pregnant, money got tight, and it put everything on hold.

he has a descent job, 23, a nutrtion major
im in the begining stages of planning my business, im a psych major and 18
so were on the right track i think

well now that we have our LO everything is and downs, good and bads, but we are both very committed parents.

i guess im afraid of committing so young, now that i see life diff with a child, i dont want to end up and wanting a divorce, or regretting my decision..etc.

what do u think?


Asked by Anonymous at 1:41 PM on May. 15, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • cont

    It boils down to this - 1) do you love, respect, like, and trust each other (all 4 are important). 2) do you have the same sort of "life vision" in mind (and are you both flexible to change, as the reality of the now meets the plans you made) 3) do you share the same values (not just faith, etc - but on things like faithfulness, drugs, honesty, etc) 4) are you choosing to be together, or making the choice out of fear or co-dependence 5) when you picture your future, do you prefer the vision of life with him or without him?

    Only you can answer those questions :-)

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 2:01 PM on May. 15, 2010

  • If he's the right one, you'll know it. If you have reservations, consider it a fair warning before you "F' up big time.

    Answer by GMMOLLY at 3:02 PM on May. 15, 2010

  • I agree with NannyB exactly.

    Answer by Aqua_Jen at 2:49 PM on May. 15, 2010

  • I got married at 18, and that was more than 45 years ago. I think that when you decided to have a child together, that was the commitment, so why not just go ahead and make it legal? There will be good times and bad times, ups and downs, highs and lows, but love is far more about commitment than it is about feelings. The feelings will come and go, but the commitment is what makes a marriage last. You already commited to having this man in your life for as long as you live when you decided to get pregnant and have his baby. So go ahead and marry him and make a good home for your child and work together to make your dreams and his come true. There is nothing to fear. Just don't expect perfection because it is not at all likely to happen the way it does in the fairy tales. Happily ever after is a myth, but a good marriage is altogether possible when you commit to it for life.

    Answer by NannyB. at 2:16 PM on May. 15, 2010

  • cont

    There's still going to be the issue of "Mommy and Daddy loved each other and were a couple, and now they don't, and aren't". And, IF that were to happen - married or not - how bad the impact is depends on how you all handle it with your kid.

    As far as regrets, honestly, one of the facts of life is that EVERYTHING is about choices. And while yes, your choices can open a lot of doors for you, they usually also shut other ones. So, you might regret marrying him. But then again, you might regret it if you don't. You're a psych major - that means you had to choose that path, and reject other ones. Second guessing ourselves and playing the "what if" as far as our past choices goes is a part of life, but honestly, you can drive yourself crazy with it if you let yourself get sucked into it too deeply.


    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 1:57 PM on May. 15, 2010

  • Honestly, yes, there are a lot of relationships that end badly - regardless of how old you are when you get into it. But on the other hand, there are also a lot (including some that the people were young when they started) that are wonderful.

    My dh and I got married when we were both 20. (He was 20 1/2 and I had just turned 20 the month before). We will be having our 18th anniversary this summer :-) Yes, there were times we were nervous about it, but then again, friends of mine that got married later in life had the same worries, so...

    I'm NOT saying that you should or shouldn't marry him - only you can answer that. But - if your only worry is that you're going to end up divorced down the road and you have a kid, and the impact, etc... well, that's not going to be any less of an impact if you aren't married, are dating, and break up...


    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 1:52 PM on May. 15, 2010

  • If you both are happy and are commmited to being there for the child i dont see why you would be scared to get married....My dh and i have been married for 2 years, we had a baby 9 months after we got married...and we still love eachother as much as ever... every relationship had it ups and down, good day and bad day...butu when you do have the bad days be sure to talk them that it all dont get built up inside..right now i am unable to work because there are no babysitters around where i am and there are no day cares, so i am sahm, and yes it do get stressful at time not having enough money comming in to pay the bill...but we work threw it and if you love sure you can work threw anything..Good luck to you and may god be with you and your family!

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:46 PM on May. 15, 2010

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