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How do I get over this fear?

I have been living with my SO for over 3 yrs now. I love him more than I have ever loved any man in my whole life and I honestly believe he loves me. Problem is he's been married 3 times already. I want to be with this guy for the rest of my life; however, I am so afraid that if we get married I will be wife number 4 only to be followed by wife number 5. How do I get over this fear and move on with our lives? I'm nothing like what I've heard about the other 3 wives; however, I'm still scared.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 2:47 PM on May. 15, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • Dont statistics say that the more times someone is married, the more likely another divorce is? Before you make it official, try some couple's counseling. You may have a great relationship, but even the smallest differences can make a HUGE impact over time. You both need to develop the tools and skills to cope with whatever problems may arise.

    Answer by Aqua_Jen at 2:51 PM on May. 15, 2010

  • BUMP

    Answer by GMMOLLY at 2:54 PM on May. 15, 2010

  • Give it a shot. Don't let your fears hold you back or keep you from life. If you love him, he loves you and you both want to be married or whatever, do it. The past doesn't necessarily shape the future.

    Answer by Kiwismommy19 at 2:57 PM on May. 15, 2010

  • 3 times? I think its him. Seriously what are the chances that it was all the other women's fault? Once i can see it as things didn't work out, three times? there is a problem. Maybe wait a little while longer, like you said you don't want there to be a wife number 5. Make sure that he is totally committed to you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:10 PM on May. 15, 2010

  • Has he asked you to marry him? If not then live your lives together and see what the future has to bring to you all.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:16 PM on May. 15, 2010

  • Oh yes... he has asked me to marry him several times but I keep telling him I'm not ready.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:20 PM on May. 15, 2010

  • how long have you guys been together? i mean, you guys are already playing the roles of husband/wife for 3 years now. whats teh difference of THAT and making it official? try couple's counseling, let him know your fears- find out why teh past relationships didnt work, regardless of who's "fault" it was.

    Answer by Shy_Dia at 4:03 PM on May. 15, 2010

  • hmmm. every guy (after high school anyway) i've ever been in a relationship with before had relationships before me. and every guy i've ever had a relationship with always told me i was the best thing that ever happened to them, some would say bad things about their exes - not always bad-mouthing but just discussing the things that caused them to be incompatible. it's very telling about a man's maturity (hence ability to make good choices in relationships and problem solve) as to how they speak about their exes. if they are angry/bitter, they tend to be selfish/one-sided, not as capable of problem-solving. if they can talk about good and bad, they're more mature and they may have learned things about their past mistakes. your ability to communicate with him on all levels, particularly about your negative feelings, is a good sign also regarding your future. if you are holding back for fear of losing him, that's not good.

    Answer by figaro8895 at 4:49 PM on May. 15, 2010

  • btw... my stepfather had two or three marriages before my mom. he and my mom have been very happily married for 26 years.

    Answer by figaro8895 at 4:50 PM on May. 15, 2010

  • I'm with you. I would rather just live with someone than be just another married notch on his belt.

    Answer by admckenzie at 7:10 PM on May. 15, 2010

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