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How would you handle this? My nephew married a lady from England who seems to have mental problems?

He's from New Jersey and they met on the internet. He visited her a couple of times and she came over here to visit him a couple of times, within 8 monthes they got married. He was diagnosed with stomach cancer right before they got married and had surgery 5 days after they were married. The operation was very successful and he is now cancer free. While he was having surgery me, his mom, my other sister and his wife waited. This was the first time I met her and I was very kind to her because I knew how hard it must have been on her. A month after the surgery she told her husband how mean we were to her and made up some lies about us, he removed my sister and I from his facebook, which is our only communication to him over in England. Here are some things that she said,,,,,,she said I made fun of her weight because I asked her if she cooks healthy meals, I was just thinking of how important that is......cont.

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staceynoel

Asked by staceynoel at 9:22 AM on May. 16, 2010 in Relationships

Level 12 (852 Credits)
Answers (54)
  • for someone with cancer, she said I walked into the recovery room before her, which I did because she wouldn't go in. I told her to go in first because I know that when my nephew woke up he would want to see his wife, but she wouldn't, so I went on in with his mom. I was at the hospitol for 10 hours and I wanted to see him before Ieft. She was also upset because after the surgery the doctor called in his family to tell them how the surgery went. She was upset becasue she felt that she should have been the only one the doctor talked to first. I was there for my sister who is his mother and I wanted to be by her side in case it was bad news, I also don't think the doctor should have to expain things twice, first to his wife and then the rest of his family. My sister and I explained this to my nephew and she flipped out and sent me a nasty message, calling me a liar. I'm thinking of having an intervention with him.
    staceynoel

    Answer by staceynoel at 9:30 AM on May. 16, 2010

  • OK, First thing is "Call her and Apologize". She was most likely scared with fear for her new hubby and uncomfortable with you and his family which is understandable because she doesn't really know any of you that well. She was Super sensitive as a result. She does not have mental problems. She may just not have that much life experience and was freaking out about the whole situation and mis-interpreted everyone's actions. Give the girl a break! Call and talk to HER and say "that you are sorry if you offended her in any way that it was not your intention to do so". "That you are so happy that her hubby is well and you wish them both the best of everything. " Make it short & sweet and don't elaborate or try to explain your actions. Sometimes unwanted advise "hope your cooking healthy" comes off as an insult. The girl is not ignorant and knows and will learn as we all did how to take care of her new family. Cont:
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:45 AM on May. 16, 2010

  • I think that YOU all are being too critical of this girl. Give them both a break and be nice. They have just gone through something that no one should have to go through in thier life and they are both young. Appoligize to your nephew as well.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:47 AM on May. 16, 2010

  • yeah have to agree with the first post, i think you are stepping into a place meant for a wife. so she didnt want to go in first, and all the other small stuff you mentioned....she was afraid. God forbid anyone go thru something so scarey. and hey as for not knowing her long-she stayed with nephew thru that whole thing-she could have walked away. I think shefeels disrespected by you and his mom-because like it or not, she is first now. its the circle of life, mom raises son, lets son be a grown upa nd marry, then wofe becomes number one. apologize and say you want to make amends for being insensative. if she lied , thats on her and obviously nephew is siding with his wife. good luck and most importantly I pray your nephew is in remission and healthy to enjoy his life :).
    Bearsjen

    Answer by Bearsjen at 9:51 AM on May. 16, 2010

  • wanted to add about the "healthy meals' comment. can you imagine if another woman asked you that? what was she supposed to say"no I cook his crap"? Maybe something better to say might have been"hey yanno I ave read so many new things about recipes that help people with cancer, want me to find them for you?"
    Bearsjen

    Answer by Bearsjen at 9:54 AM on May. 16, 2010

  • No she is lying, she also told her husband that noone offered to help carry all her bags. My sister and I repeatedly offered to help her, I even just ended taking her bags because I could see that she was struggling with them. She told her husband that I just walked into the recovery room, she never mentioned how my sister and I told her to go on in first because she is his wife, SHE LIED TO HER HUSBAND. Why would she do that? And I did not mean to insult her, I was actully telling my sister (his mother) that it is very important that he eat healthy, because he's a very poor eater, and she said don't tell me tell his wife (jokingly) and that's when I said "do you eat healthy?" I was very kind to her in the hospitol, my sisters and I offered for her to come stay or shower at our houses, brought her food and offered to take her out to eat which she refused. We just took it as her not wanting to leave her husbands side.
    staceynoel

    Answer by staceynoel at 10:00 AM on May. 16, 2010

  • nothing you can do. hopefully he will recognize whats happening eventually and get things right. If he is happy, then its his deal. His life, his choice. I am sure it sucks, but you cant do a thing about it. Just be there for him when he needs you.
    VelvetCat

    Answer by VelvetCat at 10:22 AM on May. 16, 2010

  • You asked how we would handle this and when you get explanations you offer excuses.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:26 AM on May. 16, 2010

  • You should not apologize for something you did not do. You were only suggesting healthy meals for your brother's sake, and by the way, I'm glad he is cancer free. It appears to me that she doesn't want to have anything to do with you guys, so she is trying to manipulate your brother from seeing you all. If you like, and it is up to you, go on and call and suck up to her for your brother's sake, BUT, and I said BUT, if she continue on with the lies and starting drama with you all, as hard as it may be, you may have to step back, and maybe eventually your brother will see her for who she really is. Most new relationships start off this way because it is new and fresh, but trust me, he will see her for who she really is, and believe me, if she's starting trouble for you guys so new into the family, it will only get worse. Just lay back and he'll call you guys complaining, and don't say "We told you so"! Be there for him.
    ambr2006

    Answer by ambr2006 at 10:34 AM on May. 16, 2010

  • She just got married to a man and 5 days later he is in surgery for cancer. Yeah she may have taken some things the wrong way but can you really blame her? I know I wouldn't. You know while my aunt was in cancer treatment my grandma tried to tell my uncle how she should eat and whatnot. My uncle got upset but since they had been married for i think like over 10 years by this time my uncle said nothing . But maybe she thought because she doesn't know you all that well that you were still trying to parent him. You are his aunt your sister is his mother. The two important people in his life until now and you were trying to tell her things she might already know. She felt as though you guys thought she wasn't good enough for him. Get over it and SAY SORRY!!!

    delilahsmom1177

    Answer by delilahsmom1177 at 10:35 AM on May. 16, 2010

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