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rebuilt trust after domestic violence?

th father of my child and i have had a rocky relationship
we loved/love each other very much
one day I flipped out, wanted him to leave, he wouldnt leave so I pushed and hit him till he got out...he took a drive around the block and came back and basically beat my ass....both unexceptable
he ended up going to jail for aggravated assaul/domestic violence

well we have been going to couples therapy ever since. Im trying to build our trust back but its a long, slow process which is what the therapist said and he has also said that some people can work thru this but its a lot of woork

I just dont know if I want to do it all...this relationship has been emotionally draining. My SO is getting all the help possible, even thinking of going to get a mental eval.

Sometimes I think no one else can make me as happy as he does even with the twinge of insecurity he has put in me


Asked by Anonymous at 10:29 AM on May. 16, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • there is a group on CM that might be able to help you while you work through this - something like Survivors of Dometic Violence. They will not judge you for staying nor leaving and can help you understand things from the POV of lots of experience. They are a good group.

    Answer by figaro8895 at 12:10 PM on May. 16, 2010

  • You guys need to go your separate ways! Did you did this around children? We tell our children from a very young age that hands are not for hitting and physical violence is never acceptable. The circle of violence just continues through the generations. Walk away. Nothing good can come from this.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:31 AM on May. 16, 2010

  • like no one will try so hard to make me happy
    no one will love me more than him
    know me better than he does

    but where I get stuck is

    I dont know if I love him the same anymore
    I used to be so so so in love before this happened our wedding was going to be this October
    I have even went as far as a couple months after it happened I went and slept with someone else just to make a physical disconnect and it worked
    now I fantasize of another man, no one in particular, making my life better, loving me, loving him, etc....but I just dont know if that man will ever be him.

    Im so torn
    were also a young couple
    Im 18 he's 22

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:32 AM on May. 16, 2010

  • it happened when my baby was 2 months old so he never knew...he's a smart happy baby now, if we start to argue SO simply takes a break 1/2hour and comes back so its calm

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:34 AM on May. 16, 2010

  • If a mon hits you. He will always hit you. Leave and go find a man who does not hit.

    Answer by louise2 at 11:04 AM on May. 16, 2010

  • yeah this is a sign you should seperate. If you have to push him and he beats you and why the heck did you not go to jail?? You started it! This is not a good realtionship at all.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:43 AM on May. 16, 2010

  • In our town they would have arrested you not him. It sounds like you two have a toxic relationship. Those are not healthy and the violence will escalate. Do you want your children living like that?

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:06 PM on May. 16, 2010

  • what i am reading here is that you have incredibly low self esteem. you count on your SO to make you happy. you devalue yourself by saying you are not lovable by anyone but someone who beat you. you looked for reassurance outside your marriage. whether or not you two can move past the violence is not anything that anyone can tell you. it's mostly true that once a hitter, always a hitter, like once a cheater, always a cheater, but people are capable of change, although it's much easier for most people to continue to make bad decisions. if you are being honest, your SO is trying - he's learning some different strategies for coping with anger. that's a good thing. i would never encourage anyone to remain in a dangerous situation. you need to be honest with yourself about that. you really need to get some help for YOURSELF. things will be clearer about what the best choices are for you if you do that.

    Answer by figaro8895 at 12:08 PM on May. 16, 2010

  • This isn't "rebuilding of trust". This is two people who disrespect one another so much that they wish them harm. That's not even love. I can't believe they didn't arrest you both. You assaulted HIM and he went to jail. That's just wrong.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:09 PM on May. 16, 2010

  • yes you were both wrong but there is a big difference between pushing someone & someone beating your butt..
    maybe you both should take anger management classes, couples counseling.. & you keep your hands to yourself.. If he hits you again LEAVE.. the cops were right to arrest him yes kicked her butt she only pushed him, not to say thats ok but it could have been ignored. If you feel unsafe you need to not be alone with him.

    Answer by maiahlynn at 12:35 PM on May. 16, 2010