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Are you a one child family?

My husband and I were expecting to have another child but we lost it. Now I feel like rethinking the whole thing. Maybe in time we could try again. But our families pressure us because we need to have more than one child. Would it be the worst thing if we stayed a one child family? Will my child and family really suffer? I feel like that is silly. I don't know.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:47 AM on May. 16, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (18)
  • some believe a child should grow up with a sibling no matter what
    my grreat uncle always is 'joking' about the same thing
    but i know if my son gets older and im not considering another the true pressure will be on
    he's 6mos now so it makes no difference to him

    I loved being an only child while it lasted..my sis and i are 7 yyears apart
    i dont think the kid will suffer at all
    DomoniqueWS

    Answer by DomoniqueWS at 10:50 AM on May. 16, 2010

  • I grew up pretty up much as an only child b/c my sibblings were way older than me and didnt live at home... I hated it, I always played by myself. Had noone to hang out with, spend time with or share my secrets with.... very lonely!! my husband and I have 7 kids all put together (3 kids together)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:53 AM on May. 16, 2010

  • You need to do what you feel is best for you and your family. I definately did not want more than one child until I unexpectedly became pregnant with number two. My sons having each other is the best thing in the world. They love each other and do everything together. When my oldest gets home from school, he says "where's bubba?" and when they see each other, they give each other a big hug. Now, my brother and his wife have decided to have only one child. She has my two sons in her life, so they feel like that is enough for her. I don't judge them although sometimes I wish they would have another because I love having neices and nephews. Just dont let anyone tell you what you need to do. You need to weigh out the pros and cons of each scenario and decide for yourself based on what you have going on in your life, finances, etc.
    lowencope

    Answer by lowencope at 10:54 AM on May. 16, 2010

  • OP: Well I had my daughter and then got into college. I just graduated and we felt like having a child now would be a good time. Our daughter is 7 now. Wouldn't she still in some way feel like an only child being 7-8 years older? She is a happy kid and we put her in lots of activites so she can be with other kids.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:56 AM on May. 16, 2010

  • my son is 7 now, and im 4 months pregnant, and i feel like he has had a lot of time being an only child, and pretty much got raised as one anyhow, considering his sibling will be so much younger than him. my sisters and i are13 and 14 years apart, and we were never close i think because it was too many years apart. so if youre going to have a second child, i would go ahead and do it, but no , i dont think there is anything wrong with being a one child family, especially in these hard times.
    jeanniegirl82

    Answer by jeanniegirl82 at 11:03 AM on May. 16, 2010

  • Don't think because the child is really that much older, that the kids wont be close. My brother is 7 years older than my older brother and 9 and half years older than I am. All three of us were and are very close. We loved being siblings growing up and now my oldest brother will call me up on the phone and we will talk for hours and hours.
    lowencope

    Answer by lowencope at 11:08 AM on May. 16, 2010

  • We have one child he is 7 1/2 and loves not having siblings. His friends all have them and he says the fighting drives him nuts. I wanted more than one but at this point I really am content and feel our family is complete. My husband goes back and forth when we are around friends with little ones he realizes he doesn't want to go through the sleepless nights and stages little ones go through. If you are happy and content with your family as it is then don't have more. Siblings are not a guarantee your child will not be lonely. I have 11 of them and growing up I was still very lonely since I really never fit in with them.

    momtolucas2002

    Answer by momtolucas2002 at 11:11 AM on May. 16, 2010

  • OP: I guess after the loss I just feel I need more time. The more pressure I face the less I even want to do this again. Plus we just graduated and haven't gotten settled and secure yet like we had hoped. I worry that if we wait a few months to a year that our children will be even further apart and my daughter will end up being like a little mommy instead of a big sister.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:15 AM on May. 16, 2010

  • Don't let the family pressure make you feel guilty about only having one child. Do what feels right for you and your family. I got pregnant again when Kiwi was 3 months old, but lost it after about 10-12 weeks. For almost a year, all I heard was that we were shorting Kiwi on a sibling, that she didn't need to be an only child. No one seemed to care that I had just lost one, even if it was REALLY unexpected. It was almost a year before I even had sex after that, I was so depressed, and in my mind, if we didn't have sex, I wouldn't get pregnant, and then wouldn't have to go through the pain of loosing another baby. After that, I was almost compulsive with the birth control. I have come to terms with it, and feel that if I got pregnant again and miscarried, I would be upset, but wouldn't stop living like before. Kiwi is still an only child, and will occasionally ask for a sibling, but her and my niece call each other sisters.
    Kiwismommy19

    Answer by Kiwismommy19 at 11:17 AM on May. 16, 2010

  • Op: yeah people don't seem to care about the emotional stuff behind lossing. I just want to take time to recover but all I can think about is upsetting everyone else. I don't want to have another child for anyone else but for me and my husband. We are the ones who have to raise it anyway. It should be for us. Only, I don't feel I would be doing it for us at this point.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:21 AM on May. 16, 2010

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