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Married 11 months and have 1 child together, considering divorce ... Advice please

We have been together 3 yrs. Have a 5 month old child. My husband cheated in Oct. we have been working it out. Somehow I always bring it up with and feel so insecure. Last week we had an issue on passwords and I freaked out Ive never needed passwords, but now I just want them to feel secure. I seriously dont go snooping just log in and log out (he finds it hard to believe). Well, he felt attacked and I dont blame him, but I cant say I can blame me when he did this to us. Well yesterday he said if this is going to continue we should get a divorce. I have considered it several times, but I hate the fact of break up and child fighting and he has also taken in my other kids. PLUS most important I LOVE HIM. Im just very insecure of everything. I also know that if he wanted to cheat again password or no password he will do it. He gave up drinking to better fam. is home all the time & gives me everything. What caan I do ??

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:32 AM on May. 16, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • I know a man who cheats all the time but he loves his wife and is a great dad and husband (other than the cheating thing). Is it a deal breaker for you? Some couples have an open relationship. It's not for everyone but it keeps it honest. For a lot of men cheating isn't about finding another woman and leaving, it's only about the sex. He may have a sexual addiction. It's all about what you can deal with and what's important to you. Talk with him and find a compromise that both of you can live with
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:04 PM on May. 16, 2010

  • go to councelling try and work it out!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:34 AM on May. 16, 2010

  • I know it's hard and you're going to get a lot of women that say you should leave him. But I'll be honest. I wouldn't leave my husband even if he cheated on me. I wouldn't want either of us to be separated from our son. We don't believe in divorce either. As long as you can be civil, it's worth it to keep your house whole. You need to tell him that what he did hurt you and he can't expect you to go back to normal immediately. He made a mistake and now he has to work with you if he wants to work it out. Good luck.
    acurran88

    Answer by acurran88 at 11:37 AM on May. 16, 2010

  • Either you are going to stay and put up with his cheating. Or you are going to leave and find a man who does not cheat. There is not in between here.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 11:40 AM on May. 16, 2010

  • IF YOU WANT TO MAKE YOUR MARRIAGE WORK YOU NEED TO FORGIVE HIM AND WORK ON YOUR MARRIAGE. GO TO COUNSELING TOGETHER TELL HIM HOW YOU ARE FEELING AND LET HIM KNOW HE NEEDS TO GIVE SOME TIME TO TRUST HIM. HE NEEDS TO BE A OPEN BOOK TO YOU RIGHT NOW. BUT ALSO DO NOT HARASS HIM EVERY THING HE DOES THAT WILL ONLY MAKE HIM WANT A DIVORSE. IF HE GOING TO CHEAT AGAIN HE WILL AND YOU WILL NOT BE A ABLE TO STOP IT. IF THAT HAPPENS YOU NEED TO LEAVE HIM
    ladybug0614

    Answer by ladybug0614 at 11:41 AM on May. 16, 2010

  • i think your husband has a point... if you can't actually move forward, then it's not good for any of you. sounds like you both have some personal issues that need to be addressed - guess what... we ALL do... in order for your marriage to work, you are going to need to work on yourself and let him work on himself. i understand your lack of trust, but if you truly want the marriage to work, you're going to have to find a way to move past that. even if you had passwords, instead of driving yourself crazy with not knowing, you'd be driving yourself crazy monitoring him... still insecure and not trusting the whole while... see what i mean? i highly recommend counseling. it will help you and it will help your marriage. it will also help your husband continue to make better choices - sounds like he is still learning. don't beat yourself up for forgiving a cheater if that is what you want to do either.
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 12:01 PM on May. 16, 2010

  • let it go & trust him again.. also tell him you love him but still hurt from the affair & would like to go to marriage counseling.. also he shouldn't be threatening you with divorce you forgave him for cheating , he can forgive you for being worried.
    maiahlynn

    Answer by maiahlynn at 12:27 PM on May. 16, 2010

  • I went through a similar situation, and I was horrible to my husband in the begining, I used my anger at him as fuel to get what I wanted from him, his attention. But I honestly wish I could go and take it all back. I dont blame you for being hurt and angry, you have every right to feel that way, but the thing is if you want a good marriage, and if you want your kids to be happy you have to stop bringing it up. The best way to get him to not cheat again is to be an awesome wife, one he would never want to leave. Thats the only way you can have power. Being snoopy and mean is just going to make him want to go outside of marriage again. What was your place in the cheating? I know its his fault and you dont need to take the blame, but it will help to look at what he was getting from her that he wasnt getting from you, and give him what he needs. I think you can work it out if your willing to let it go.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:30 PM on May. 16, 2010

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