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i'm so lost :(

My SO and I just took the kids on a trip to my hometown, it was his first time there, before we came, he told me that he didn't want to have to deal with any of my exes, I explained to him that my ONE ex lives there, and it was unlikely that he would see him. So, one night my dad wanted to take us out to dinner, he pulled me aside and told me that my ex was bartending that night, so I sat down with him and my stepmom to ask if they had advice about what I should do, both of them just said, don't even say anything unless it gets brought up, so that's what we did. The next night my SO and I went out, we had an awesome night, went back to my dad's house, and he did a complete 180 and got super pissed at me because he had realized that the guy was my ex. He accused me of having secret conversations with him while he was sitting right next to me and I was ordering a drink. On our way home yesterday he told me that the....CONT

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Asked by Anonymous at 12:22 PM on May. 16, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (16)
  • CONT....reason he went up there was because he wanted to ask my dad and feel out the situation about marrying me and how my family felt, but that after what happened he was done and he wants me to leave. I told him I was sorry about not introducing him to my ex, but that I just felt it would have caused some drama...I agree that maybe I should have said something, but now he is accusing me of talking to my ex behind his back (we were sitting at the bar together, my SO, dad, stepmom and I, how is ordering a drink talking behind his back?!) he then went on to say that he feels I need to go home and be with my ex (an ex from 7 years ago, and we never even said we loved each other!) because we have 'unfinished business'...he then told me that since I want to play games, he's going to play right back and I will know what it feels like (i've dealt with this before on HIS part)...any outsider point of views? advice? help?!

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:28 PM on May. 16, 2010

  • He sounds like he's very insecure and that he has trust issues.

    I can understand him being upset about not knowing until AFTER the fact that the bartender was your ex but he's definitely overreacting.

    Are you sure that this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with?
    If this sort of thing happens a lot then I would re-evaluate the relationship.
    Do not settle.

    Answer by Laila-May at 12:32 PM on May. 16, 2010

  • Um sounds like you would be better off if you didnt stay together. It sounds like he has some serious trust issues, and you deserve better then that. He is showing his true colors right now, I would take this new information, and leave him. He has some serious control issues and it will only get worse. He will not change. It sounds like he is the one playing games. I say get out and get out now.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:33 PM on May. 16, 2010

  • my husband doesn't want to "deal with" my exes either, but was very polite when my ex came to the door to ask if had any of his files or mail, and understood that when this ex and another ex both sent me letters (i can never seem to get rid of them) that these were things that weren't in my control. he did ask that i not be in contact with my exes on facebook and i respect that request. sounds like he is either very immature or temporarily overreacting to having felt like a fool - he probably felt like it was intentionally kept from him (which it was) and that was dishonest. only you can truly know which is more accurate. think back to discussions you've had about exes, crazy accusations in the past... we all have a past. maybe just tell him why you kept that from him and ask how he would have liked you to handle that - might get some clues about what's really going on.

    Answer by figaro8895 at 12:39 PM on May. 16, 2010

  • On one hand I agree with him, you should have laid all the cards on the table and been honest with him before you went but on the other hand he's blowing this way out of proportion. The good thing is that you see how he will be as a husband (jealous, irrational and insecure). Maybe time apart is a good idea so he can decide what's important and get his act together bc it doesn't sound like he's ready to settle down and commit to a loving and trusting relationship.

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:48 PM on May. 16, 2010

  • he sound insecure and untrustful. you need to stop and think if you really want to be with someone tthat will make you feel like you have to watch everything you do and say. you don't need to kiss his ass. tell him that your past is in the past and the only person trying to bring it up is him. He is the only playing game and if he wants to be a child then he can go. don't stress yourself over the situation

    Answer by symle456 at 12:59 PM on May. 16, 2010

  • Your SO sounds like an insecure baby. You can't go back in time and not have ex boyfriends for crying out loud!!! I would get the hell out of that relationship, sounds really unhealthy. Sorry sweetie.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:04 PM on May. 16, 2010

  • He sounds emotionally young.... Im guessing this is not his only issue.
    It will be hard to spend a life making sure he doesnt get his feelings hurt.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:12 PM on May. 16, 2010

  • Well you just found out both side of him the good and bad. So maybe this is a good way to end the relationship easily and quickly with out a lot of hassle.   Leave and never look back. He made it perfectly clear he WAS going to marry you. WAS is the key here.


    Answer by louise2 at 2:54 PM on May. 16, 2010

  • sounds like he is seriously immature and insecure. THis may sound harsh, but why are you still with someone like that? He just isn't worth it if he's going to freak out over your past all the time. No one deserves that kind of treatment.

    Answer by katzmeow726 at 4:18 PM on May. 16, 2010

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