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this is for all the grandmas out there

i have three wonderful grandsons that i love dearly. they are 10,4, and 3. heres my question and problem. the mom of the 10 and 4 year is my older daughter. i dont hear from her all week. then she calls with the i wanted to see you mom stays a few minutes , then oh can you watch the kids while i go get my nails done, my hair , the gym etc... IF I say no then i feel like a horrible grandma . theses two are undislpined by both mom and dad. i try to tell no they cant do something and they dont listen. sometimes i feel like a glorified babysitter. id really like a nce visit with all of them. i tried telling my daughter that she says ok. but it soon goes back to the way it was before. i babysat for them one night at her house. it turned out to be overnight. which i didnt know. i had to load up the kids in my car because i had to take my other daughter to work. needless to say their mom didnt pick up her kids until 12:30 noon.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:36 PM on May. 16, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (11)
  • I for one am yearning to do what you complain of doing, I want to give my grown kids the advantages of a grandma who is there when they need some me time, to be able to do for them what my parents did for me, when my kids were small they use to stay at my parents house as a treat, it was a treat for them a treat for my kids. The fact that you feel like a bad grandma should tell you something.
    older

    Answer by older at 1:47 PM on May. 16, 2010

  • Wow, not a grandma, but I can't imagine doing what your daughter is doing to you. You are not a bad grandma for refusing to be taken advantage of. It sounds like you need to sit down and have a serious talk with your daughter. She's aware of what she's doing.
    Ginger0104

    Answer by Ginger0104 at 1:54 PM on May. 16, 2010

  • Sit your DD down and tell her how you feel. Tell her you will watch them when you want to not when she wants you to. She will not like it. But if she want a baby sitter she can pay one.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 2:44 PM on May. 16, 2010

  • Your daughter is using you. When she visit tell her before hand a visit without asking something.  Other than that don't come to visit.  I believe it would be a different a situation if her kids had some discipline.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:51 PM on May. 16, 2010

  • The way I see it you have two problems. She is conning you in to baby sitting and she's refusing to discipline her children. You need to lay down the law on both points. First, she needs to know that you are not willing to be used. By all means babysit them occasionally but make that the plan from the start. If she tries to dump the kids on you at your house tell her that you already have plans that afternoon. Arrange to meet somewhere else like her house or a public park and don't let her walk away and just leave you with the kids. As for the second point, the best you can do is discipline them when you have them. They might not shape up but at least mommy dearest will know how her kids will be treated at your house. If she doesn't like it she'll either need to work on whipping them in to shape or find someone willing to be treated badly.
    RhondaVeggie

    Answer by RhondaVeggie at 4:52 PM on May. 16, 2010

  • My sister does this to my Mom. It pisses me off. You need to correct them in your home so that they start learning respect for other peoples things. If they want to act like that with their parents and its allowed so be it, but I'm sure you didn't allow your kids to do it when growing up, so why should you let your grandchildren. If they don't like the rules, then they won't want to come over and complain to their mom.

    As for your time, make her schedule at least a week in advance for you to babysit. Even if you have no where to go, you shouldn't have to be saddled down when you want to relax or whatever you want. That is why there are babysitters and teenagers that you can pay.

    I'm sorry you are going through this. It is hard when your a Grandma. I wish I could even see my Grandbaby, but when she is here occasionally, she does follow my rules. And she never complains. So we have good evenings.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:46 PM on May. 16, 2010

  • I have nine grandchildren. Set boundaries. Don't let them use you. I tell my children that I have a life and I am not a babysitter unless it's really necessary. They chose to have them then they need to care for them. They do family things together which I think is great. I'd tell the daughter that needs her nails done to do it when the kids are in school or when dad can watch them.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 6:47 PM on May. 16, 2010

  • You first need to decide if you want to choose to watch the grandchildren. If you decide that you do, then you should tell her that when the children are at your house or when you are in charge at her house, your rules apply and you reserve the right to discipline them if they disobey the rules. If she isn't willing to abide by that policy, then you have every right to refuse to watch them for her. You also have the right to draw your boundaries as to what you will and will not tolerate from the children and from her. You don't have to be hateful about it, but you will need to be very firm!
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 5:43 PM on May. 17, 2010

  • Yell at her. Call her on her cell phone. Say NO. She is walking on you and you are letting her. Take the feelings out of it and be logical. Would a man let somebody do that to him?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:26 AM on May. 18, 2010

  • TELL HER YOU ARE NOT A BABYSITTER AND THAT YOU LOVE YOUR GRANDKIDS BUT ITS TO MUCH OF WHAT SHE IS DOING TO YOU
    lamouse70

    Answer by lamouse70 at 3:12 PM on May. 18, 2010

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