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what would you do?

ok so my MIL moved in with us recently. she lost her house because she has a gambling attiction. she had no place to go. since she has been living here she just lays on the couch and sleeps (she has her own room w/ her own bed). the only time she is happy and productive is when she is winning. any other time she is either at work or home sleeping on the couch. we have to send her to bed, if not she will just stay on the couch. we have a toddler and the living room is her play area. when my MIL is in here is feel depressing and i dont like it. i have to ask her to help around the house. she does not contriblute to food purchases and rarly helps to cook or do dishes after. she does pay rent tho. i just feel stuck. i dont know what to do. anyone have any ideas? she is family, i am looking for positive advise. if you bash me, I WILL BASH YOU BACK. thanks.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:59 PM on May. 16, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • Yes she's famly but you are enabling her. Make her find a place of her own. Do some research on addictions and you will see how you are contributing to her problem.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:02 AM on May. 17, 2010

  • I think you and your husband need to make a plan....just as a parent would when an adult child returns home. You need to give her a time limit to save money, and establish house rules that she's expected to follow. It's your home, and she needs to respect your privacy, and your rules, even though she is his mother. There does need to be a time limit, otherwise, it probably won't be good for your marriage. For most people, living with parents is very difficult.

    I know it's even harder to enforce rules when it's a parent, but it is your home. The other thing is.....she didn't get into this situation because of something like an illness, or a lay-off....she got into it because of irresponsible behavior, and she needs to get help and change her behavior, and to be held accountable for her behavior. It shouldn't become YOUR problem.

    Good luck. I hope she gets her act together, and you get your home back soon!

    Answer by ohwrite at 12:08 AM on May. 17, 2010

  • Gambling is an addiction.. just like any other. and she is at a low.. and is for the most part.. going thru depression.
    She needs help.. but will only get it if she is WILLING to admit it.. and accept it.

    You are doing good by helping her. She needs it.
    Don't know what to tell you about how to help her get thru it.. other than to just sit down and try to have a rational converstaion with her about it. Don't be overly confrontaional.. but be direct.
    Good Luck.

    Answer by 4xmommy2008 at 12:08 AM on May. 17, 2010

  • I don't see why anyone would bash you. You got quite a situation. It is your husband's mother so you want to keep peace there. Then you cannot just kick her out when she has no place to go. If the two of you get along, I would just tell her as nice as possible how you feel. Is she going to eventually get her own place? With a gambling problem it might be hard to keep. I feel you, just sit her down and be honest.

    Answer by my2kids312 at 12:09 AM on May. 17, 2010

  • u can't kick her out...because she is family....but mayb u could get her some proffessional help and then once she's better she can get a place of her own?

    and i love "if you bash me, I WILL BASH YOU BACK. thanks"...Good for u

    Answer by fay101 at 12:14 AM on May. 17, 2010

  • Accompany your MIL to a gamblers anonymous meeting. Or you and your husand can simply explain to her that she needs to use her bedroom because the living room is not for sleeping. Be consistent with asking her to help with dinner or with things around the house and hopefully she'll get the hint and start doing it without having to be told.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:08 AM on May. 17, 2010

  • You're enabling her to keep these behaviors so make a timeline and have her stick to it. Things she needs to do toward getting out and on her own again.

    Answer by rio_burb at 1:03 PM on May. 17, 2010

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