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SO's mom wants to plan our dd's second birthday party...what should I do?

My dd doesn't know her that well, because she and I didn't speak much during the first 1.5 years of my dd's life. My dd is generally friendly, but she is obviously more comfortable with her parents.

So's mom left a message asking if she could throw our dd's second birthday party. I'm not sure what to do. On the one hand, it would be nice for my dd to get to know her grandmother better...but on the other hand, SO's mom has a tendency to "take over" everything. I don't want this birtday party planning to turn into a "now I'm going to start demanding to see my granddaughter on x,y,z days, etc" situation. SO amd I aren't married, so I don't think she would have a legal leg to stand on (especially since she has never been denied a relationship with the child). Maybe I'm just being paranoid, but I don't trust that woman. I'm cordial towards her, but I don't trust her.

What would you do? Any advice?


Asked by Anonymous at 12:23 AM on May. 17, 2010 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • OP

    Just as I suggested, she IS trying to take over. This afternoon, my SO calls me and says, "Did you know my mom is going to do the party?" I told him I hadn't made a decision on that yet. He said ok. She thinks that SHE is planning the party, and she hasn't gotten my permission yet!!! And, as usual, she tries to trump my decision by asking/telling SO, instead of talking directly to me. Now I KNOW I'm going to plan the party. She needs to know that I'm the mom, and I'm always going to be the decision-maker when it comes to MY daughter. Of course my SO is a part of the decision-making process, but as the custodial parent, I have more of a say in our daughter's day-to-day life.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:33 PM on May. 17, 2010

  • Well, since this relationship is new, you might tell her that you'd already started planning, but if there was something in particular she'd like to contribute, you'd appreciate the offer. Let her know that you're excited about planning your daughter's party, and it's only her 2nd birthday, so you haven't gotten to plan that many, and you hope she'll understand. Your SO should support you in this, and help you to build a positive relationship with his mother.

    Hopefully she's just excited about being part of her granddaughter's life, and will learn not to overstep the boundaries.

    Good luck, and happy birthday to your daughter.

    Answer by ohwrite at 12:29 AM on May. 17, 2010

  • I would say let her do it... sure xyz bad stuff can happen, but that is a possiblility not 100%. Let her throw the party, sit down and write out were the boundries are so that you can visually see what lines you have drawn ( don't show her that list though), and if at any point she crosses those boundries.. then you say no. But give her the opportunity to love on her grandbaby, and let your daughter have the opportunity to have that relation ship. who knows, perhaps it will give you the opportunity to build a healthy relationship with your daughters grandmother.

    Answer by daughteroftruth at 1:04 AM on May. 17, 2010

  • let her do have years of other parties :) She can either ruin it or it could be fantastic :)

    Answer by ryanlynn at 1:10 AM on May. 17, 2010

  • Tell her that she can HELP plan the party. I know my kids, and their friends, better than my mom and so when it comes to birthday parties I tend to do most of the work because I know what all of the kids will enjoy - perhaps use that as an explanation to your SO's mom about why you need to plan the party but could use her help with other aspects such as picking out decorations, plates, cake, etc. Also the one thing my mom always contributes is the birthday outfit. My mom will take my kids out and buy them a new outfit to wear the day of their party.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:34 AM on May. 17, 2010

  • I would tell her she can help but personally I plan my kids party and what I want for the party goes. I let my kids help decide things but I do it all.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:20 PM on May. 17, 2010