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love/hate relationship

I love the father of my child but I hate him because he always seems to make me feel like crap about myself... He is verbally abusive (and in the past he has hit me).... but I can't seem to get away.... his family is my family(since mine aren't around) and I don't want to break my fam apart but he is so controlling and we fight every night about stupid bs,... on top of that in his family's eyes he is perfect, they even begged me not to call the police when he busted my face. but I still don't want to hurt him... Lately I've noticed I've been getting really depressed but why do I feel like this... I love him but I want to get away... I feel like he is breakig me and I'm a good person.... advice please ladies

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Asked by Anonymous at 7:17 AM on May. 17, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • You need to get out NOW! Your relationship, if you can even call it that is TOXIC to you and your child. That man you may love, but he sure as hell don't love you if he is doing and has done all the you said he did/does. Life is so fleeting... take it from someone who knows! You and your child deserve better. You know you do, but you feel trapped because you think you love that man... and your depressed because you feel that way.


    Answer by soonmommyof3 at 7:36 AM on May. 17, 2010

  • Sit down and make a list (seriously!) of ALL the SPECIFIC things you "love" about this man, and a list of ALL the things you "hate" about this man.

    Then ask yourself, can I live without the "loving" things? Do you hate more things than you love? How will MY CHILD be affected by seeing mommy being beaten, being a victim? Will MY CHILD grow up to RESPECT his father for hurting his mother? Will MY CHILD treat his girlfriend/wife the same way?! Do I really want to deal with all of this for the rest of MY LIFE?!

    You need to decide what is in your best interest and that of your child! There are many women's shelters who will take you and your child in, and help you get on your feet--including employment, child care, and public assistance if necessary.

    If you won;t do it for yourself, do it for your child--he deserves so much better!!!

    Answer by LoriKeet at 7:40 AM on May. 17, 2010

  • Stay and be misserable, or leave and create your life. It's up to you!

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:50 AM on May. 17, 2010

  • Read about toxic relationships. They are unhealthy, not only for you but for your child. I'd look up the word narcissist too. He sounds like one. When the bad outweighs the good with mine is when I left. I hated leaving but it was the right thing to do for me and my children

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:17 AM on May. 17, 2010

  • You need to get out. I can promise you, even without knowing what they are, that the things you love about him are not worth the rest of it. Your child is going to grow up seeing this and think it's appropriate. If you have a son, do you want him thinking he should treat his girlfriend/wife this way? If you have a daughter, do you want her to think this is how a man should treat her? I think the answer to those questions is a resounding no. Yes, leaving will be hard. Being on your own will be hard. I won't lie to you and say otherwise. But the hardships will be much less detrimental to you and your child than staying with this man who treats you so horribly. You can go to a women's shelter to get away from him. They will help you to get a place to live, a job, and any food stamps, medical care, etc. that you need while you get back on your feet. Good luck!

    Answer by tropicalmama at 8:30 AM on May. 17, 2010

  • I have been down the same road, I felt like I had no one to turn to. My ex made me feel like I was crazy. Even went as low as to make fun of my ADD and call me an unfit parent because I was molested as a child but it was a cover for his insecreties. He drank heavly and his mother never took care of him and he bounced from foster home to foster home.When I filled for divorce and kicked him out it was like a weight lifted off me and there was nothing I couldnt do.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:47 AM on May. 17, 2010

  • PLEASE CALL THIS NUMBER: 1800-799-safe(7233) its the national domestic violence hotline and they will talk to you and help you make sense of all you are feeling. They will direct you to a local number, and no one ever has to know your name, or anything, and they cant trace calls, etc. call just to talk, its a start and once your thinking is clearer you can figure it all out. what you are going thru is very common with abused women honey so you are NOT crazy. he has made you feel bad for so long, you dont trust your own thinking...(hugs) call honey and good luck.

    Answer by Bearsjen at 10:32 AM on May. 17, 2010

  • wow, sounds exactly like my ex. what made me open was my eyes, was i thought about it for a while, and thought, when i'm older, would i be happy with how my life had been? i left, i didn't want to wake up one day and realize that i had wasted my whole live being unhappy. i had family wire me money every once in a while that i saved up, and was finally able to leave. if he has hit you before, it'll happen again, and most likely get worse, i know thats how it was for me. you need to get out of your situation, don't worry about hurting him, you need to worry about your happiness.

    Answer by kyuteangl88 at 12:23 PM on May. 17, 2010

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