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IF ANYONE HAS ADVICE, I COULD SURE USE IT!!!!

IN JAN OF THIS YR WE LOST BY FIANCE YOUNGEST SON(22) IN A CAR ACCIDENT. IT HAS BEEN VERY HARD ON ALL OF US BUT ESPECIALLY HIM AND HIS OTHER SON. WHEN THIS HAPPPENED WE WERE IN A NEW RELATIONSHIP, WE HAVE ONLY BEEN TOGETHER 9 MONTHS NOW. IT HAS TAKEN A TOLL ON OUR RELATIONSHIP AND HE IS NOT SURE WHAT HE WANTS OR NEEDS. HE HAS SHUT ME OUT AND HE HAS CHANGED ALOT. HE SHOWS NO EMOTIONS ANYMORE AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. HIS THERAPIST TOLD HIM HE DIDN'T NEED TO SEE ANYONE OR TALK TO ANYONE AND I THINK THAT IS WRONG. SO HE WON'T GO BACK. HE HAS TOLD ME THAT IS OE AND ONLY PRIORITY RIGHT NOW IS HIS LIVING SON. SO I HAVE DECIDED TO DO A SELFLESS ACT AND MOVE OUT FROM THE HOUSE FOR A TIME OERIOD TO GIVE HIM AND HIS SON SOME HEALING TIME. AM I DOING THE RIGHT THING OR AM I WALKING AWAY FROM THE BEST MAN I HAVE EVER KNOWN? I AM SO SCARED THAT WE WON'T FIND OUR WAY BACK TO EACH OTHER. IF ANYONE HAS ANY WORDS OF WISDOM I NEED THEM.

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rwhitehead

Asked by rwhitehead at 8:51 AM on May. 17, 2010 in Relationships

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Answers (10)
  • if you love him, let him go.


     what's meant to be will be.


    absents makes the heart grow fonder.


    you're doing the right thing. i know it must hurt, but you're a strong person. i hope everything works out for you :) 

    bestmommyeber

    Answer by bestmommyeber at 9:05 AM on May. 17, 2010

  • I agree just let him know you will always be there for him and when he is ready that your arms will be open and ready for him.
    nurdreams

    Answer by nurdreams at 9:31 AM on May. 17, 2010

  • i think you are doing the right thing. just dont let him forget you and dont be pushy. in time he will cope with the loss and if he wants to be with you he will.
    jennifer588

    Answer by jennifer588 at 9:56 AM on May. 17, 2010

  • I'd ask him if he wanted me to go. If so, then I'd walk away but assure him that I was available for him.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:23 AM on May. 17, 2010

  • when you lose a child, you are no longer the same person. so when you say "walking away from the best man I have ever known" hon be honest-is he that man anymore? you said he shows no emotion and says he doesnt know what he wants..He is making the decision for you isnt he? you cant force him to want you to help, or force him to feel what he cant giv .I think you need to let him go and move on. If things with this man are meant to be he will find you or you will find him again. let him know you want to be a part of his life and if he needs a friend you are there. but no bootie calls no back and forth with your heart. its tragic what happened to him buut since he isnt letting you help, you have no choice but to move on with your life. hopefully if he one day comes around and is that guy again, you will still want to love him.
    I am really sorry and wish you all the best. there is a guy out there for you, even if its ot this one
    Bearsjen

    Answer by Bearsjen at 10:26 AM on May. 17, 2010

  • wounds take time to heal. You are doing the right thing and being unselfish. If it is meant to be, he will come to you when he is ready. I doubt he loves you any less, he is just in shock right now. I can't imagine how long it would take me to get over the loss of my son if anything were to happen to him.
    AngelOnBoard

    Answer by AngelOnBoard at 10:53 AM on May. 17, 2010

  • I think you did the right thing and I appreciate how very difficult it must have been for you.  Your finance is grieving right now.  The loss of a child is the most difficult loss to overcome and he will be forever changed by this tragedy but he will get through it.  Unfortunately a new relationship isn't likely to last in a situation like this.


    I'm so sorry fror both your losses.

    beeky

    Answer by beeky at 2:12 PM on May. 17, 2010

  • Something very similar just happened to a close friend. Her fiance's mother passed away. He shut her out, emotionally, mentally & physically. She had to break it off with him because he got so bad with his drinking & depression that it was affecting her life & her DD's life in a very negative way. He was very upset though. He thought she was walking away from him when he needed her most, BUT his behavior was so toxic, she had no choice.

    It has now been 7 months since his mother passed & they are talking again & hanging out. They are not "together", but trying to figure out their new boundaries i guess. I think you are doing the right thing. I would ask him if he wants you to leave before you leave. Let him know you are just a phone call away. He will come back to you if the love is real. He is in so much pain right now, he probably has no idea how to behave towards you. I think you are doing the right thing.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 2:37 PM on May. 17, 2010

  • I don't know if I would be so quick to move out if I were you, but relationships are impossible for people on the outside looking in to understand. Each relatioinship is very different, no two are alike. Different pasts, dynamics, all this kind of stuff makes it unique and the best advise I could give is do what feels right in your heart. All the well meaning people in the world can give advise but they only can give it from their perspective, from their experience and advise what they might do. I guess what I'm saying is to think about it and don't make a rush decision. Take the well meaning advise not too serious and do what feels right for you. After all, you are the ones who will have to live with what you decide to do. I wish you the best. I hope this helps.
    kimmypie

    Answer by kimmypie at 3:05 PM on May. 17, 2010

  • JUST WANTED TO THANK EVERYONE FOR THE RESPONSES THAT I GOT. THEY REALLY HELPED. ALSO TO GIVE YOU AN UPDATE, SINCE WE FINALIZED THE PLANS ON WHEN I WAS LEAVING AND HOW LONG I WOULD BE GONE, WE HAVE HAD SOME REALLY AWESOME HEART TO HEART TALKS. IT HAS EVEN BROUGHT US CLOSER TOGETHER AND KNOW THAT ONE WAY OR ANOTHER WE WILL BE TOGETHER. WE VOWED OUR LOVE TO ONE ANOTHER AND REALIZE THAT THIS IS WHAY NEEDS TO HAPPEN IN ORDER FOR US TO HAVE A STRONGER RELATIONSHIP. AS LONG AS WE BOTH HAVE FAITH IN OUR LOVE WE WILL MAKE IT THROUGH. AGAIN LADIES THANKS FOR THE INPUT AND I WILL KEEP YOU POSTED.
    rwhitehead

    Answer by rwhitehead at 8:13 AM on May. 24, 2010

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