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Still rejected by father after twenty years

I was a product of my father's previous marriage. He left my mother when I was only two years of age. Earlier this year, I met up with him and tried to reconcile. He just spoke about "his kids" from the second marriage that he raised. He threw their successes into my face before telling me to leave soon after.

I never had a father throughout my life (and really paid the price of it). And, just as soon as I thought that I was over those abandonment issues, I could have accurately said that he was mean enough to reopen the wounds of Jesus Christ.

Is this normal for children of a previous marriage to be rejected by a bio father twenty to thirty years after?

Thanks in advance

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:22 AM on May. 17, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • It hasn't been 20 to 30 but it's been almost 10..... We used to have a great relationship but when I was 15 I decided to move in with my Mom, ever since then he RARELY talks to me.... it messed me up for a long time
    June_Mama09

    Answer by June_Mama09 at 11:25 AM on May. 17, 2010

  • My father also left after I was 2. He never tried to get in contact with me even though he knew exactly how to find me (my mom and I lived in the same house from when I was 7) and I always felt rejected by him. From what I was told, he was a complete loser anyways. He contacted me after 20 years and wrote me on MYSPACE lol!!! He signed the e-mail with "Love, Dad". I was so offended that he would wait so long to get in touch with me that I never wrote back and have no desire to ever meet him. I think it is all personal opinion and personal feeling but I feel my life is so much better without him! He also had two boys after he abandoned me so I figure he can continue raising them and not concern himself with me. I am sorry you have felt so rejected and what he said was wrong, now you just need to figure out what is best for you...continue to try to make a relationship and be hurt or to just forget he exists all together
    CassiRae3

    Answer by CassiRae3 at 11:32 AM on May. 17, 2010

  • my dad was a great dad until he met my step mom, i was probably 13. After that i became their little slave, so did my sister and brother while her kids got special treatment and got to do after school activities. I got fed up and left and i think my dad hated me for leaving. I think he felt that i was choosing my mom's side of the family over him. I would go to visit and he would lock himself in the bedroom with the computer or he just wouldnt even be there at all. He one time even faked having a heart attack because he said i hurt him so badly from the choices i made. I have dealt with his abuse all my life, i have dealt with coming in second place to my step siblings. I've just recently decided to put an end to it last year and no longer associate with any of them because i'm tired of being hurt.
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 11:32 AM on May. 17, 2010

  • I'm so sorry to hear these stories. My dad was a great father when I was growing up but, he met another woman, & divorced my mom when I was 23. I was devastated by his behavior & abandonment when he met her.

    We can't do anything about the choices our parents make. We can make sure they don't ruin our lives, & be the best parents we can be. I love my kids more than anything. They're now 18, 20 & 27 & I look at them & can't imagine walking out on them. Not only did he abandon us, but he missed his grandchildren's entire childhoods. He is back in my life now (the woman is gone after 25 yrs) & I can see that he regrets his mistakes, but he can't change them. My boys don't know him as a grandfather, & though I love him, I'll never trust him unconditionally as I did when I was a kid.

    Please don't let this ruin your life. Use it to make the family you're building strong and healthy. Good luck & much love to you.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 11:52 AM on May. 17, 2010

  • First of all you have to realize that he's no man that you want in your life. If he could leave his baby an never look back he's not worth the space he takes up and you need to remember that. Good Dad's just don't leave and then reconcile years and years later and turn out to be great men, that doesn't happen. You have to know and be comfortable with the fact that he's terrible excuse for a man and that he did you a favor by leaving. He can't be any better, you're never going to make him better and more importantly it's not you. Be a strong, secure women and don't ever let an undeserving man have that much power over your feelings again. You're wonderful regardless of his actions and you need to let it go however you can.
    mrsjonzy

    Answer by mrsjonzy at 12:04 PM on May. 17, 2010

  • Some men don't know how to show feelings. My adult dd moved to the town where her dad lives so she could get to know him. I was against it. I knew she'd get hurt bc he's not one who can show his feelings. He has a wife my dd's age and a little girl. He now plays Mister Mom and watches his dd from this current marriage. That causes hurt for both my daughters. My youngest dd was 2 when he left us. He has picked on her and been mean to her and lied about her to others. She finally got hardened to his behavior and tries to ignore him. It's hard to do bc she lives across the street from him! He badmouths her bc she's a SAHM while he brags about his illegitimate child who was adopted out that grew up to be successful (not with his help). It's shameful how these men treat their daughters who care for them so much and want so much from them. I told my dd not to expect much from him. If he was good i'd have stayed with him!
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:19 PM on May. 17, 2010

  • I can relate to the rejection I am 37 years old and have probably only spent a weeks worth of time with my father in my entire life. I became a mother and it made me want to forgive and build a relationship with my father but he didn't want me bothering him. What ohwrite said struck a cord with me. She is 100 percent correct! Thanks for that!!!
    jlmaudl77

    Answer by jlmaudl77 at 8:38 PM on May. 5, 2014

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