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Why is this OK?

I'm just wondering why people think it's ok to threaten to leave their spouses? I've read alot of questions about a husband/boyfriend doing something insensitive and inevitably I'll find someone who has replied "I'd leave him"! Now, though I may not agree with it, I can understand that answer in a few forums. However, there are questions from women whose husbands have only said or done something that she didn't like. I think it's an inappropriate, immature, and disrespectful response to threaten to leave one's husband just because he's doing something the wife doesn't like. Thoughts?


Asked by Anonymous at 11:53 AM on May. 17, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • It shouldn't be okay. Immature emotional outbursts. That's all it is and I think it does contribute a lot to the divorce rate today. It's not all women either. Men aren't much different. Several years ago, when my marriage was fairly new, my husband tried the same thing. We'd have an argument and he'd say he was sick of it and threaten to leave. I never backed down. I told him I didn't take kindly to threats, that I'd lived without him before and didn't have any qualms about doing it again if he couldn't man up and deal with these issues like an adult. Thankfully, he did and we're still, now happily, married.

    It takes a mature person to see past the immediate emotional outrage to try and fix a relationship rather than run away from it because it's just too hard to deal with. Most people are just afraid of hard work. If you're going to jump ship every time something doesn't go your way, what was the point of getting married?

    Answer by sillyt at 12:18 PM on May. 17, 2010

  • I've had to threaten to leave a few times because of unacceptable behavior, but to my credit, I meant it. My husband just happened to decide to correct the problem so that he didn't have to lose his family. Does that count? I think it's wrong to use the fact that he wants to be with you against him and control him by threatening this. JMO

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:55 AM on May. 17, 2010

  • I agree. A relationship, especially a marriage is not something to take lightly, especially with children involved. Take the time to work out the small stuff and when it gets abusive, speak with a counselor or someone who has been trained to handle situations like those.

    Answer by CassiRae3 at 11:56 AM on May. 17, 2010

  • this is why divorce rate is so high in USA. women are not ready to compromise or show affection. they're like, "ok , how dare he said/did that to me.. im leaving him" .. i know some matters are really serious and divorce is an only option.. but now a days women are making this a tradition.. one little thing.. and BAM! there goes all the love, promises, memories and even children (who happen to suffer the most) down the drain ! its just that easy these days.. sad though

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:56 AM on May. 17, 2010

  • Anon :56 I have to disagree with you on this one. It's not all on the women. The men have a part to play in this as well. If they can't both work on it, then they are both at fault.

    My story is that he cheated, wouldn't talk about it to help me work thru it, he couldn't be open about what he was doing/where he was going after the incident, and never acted sorry. To me, that was the deal breaker. If you can't see past yourself to see how it affects the rest of your family, then you don't deserve it to begin with. When I said it was over, it was. Then he decided to "try" to fix things. It was amusing that after all the times I begged him to help and change and go to counsiling, he wouldn't until he no longer had any control over it.

    Answer by Jademom07 at 12:01 PM on May. 17, 2010

  • in my marriage we have rules..some of the women on here tell stories of how "their dh talks down to them..blah blah" i do not allow my dh to talk at me so if i were to tell another women i'd be leaving its because thats exactly what i would be doing if my husband ever made me feel so insecure in our marriage.

    Answer by shay1130 at 12:02 PM on May. 17, 2010

  • From the "asker": These are great answers. I believe that marriage is a commitment that should never be taken lightly. I actually tend to be the one in the relationship that gets more hurtful, and I am so thankful that my husband has never threatened to leave me! We both have work on ourselves to do, and to threaten would be an incredibly counterproductive act. Neither of us ever cheated, but we did go through a time when our marriage was in serious jeopardy. We've only been married for about two and a half years, but the circumstances were rare for newlyweds and when we got past it we were very glad to be together. We vowed to stay with each other for better or worse, and that includes our individual actions.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:15 PM on May. 17, 2010

  • I used to get PMS sp bad and the slightest thing would set me off. I think I threatened to leave my husband every month. Soon he caught on to the pattern and after awhile he would laugh about it and hug me and say "oh you just have pms, tomorrow you'll love me again".

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:16 PM on May. 17, 2010