Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

It wasnt my choice but still I get blamed

When I was 16 I got PG.. I told my mother and she told me that I had to get a abortion and because I was a minor and lived under her roof I had NO CHOICE.. I begged her not to make me give up my baby but she told me I had no choice in this and she made up her mind on it.. She took me to the clinic and I had a abortion.. After it happen I was soo depression and just emotional wreck.. I hated myself and hated her.. Iam 24 now Married , have a 2 year DD and PG with another.. I am happy with my life now but still think everyday about my baby and now I know I had a choice, I just wish I could have stopped it.. My Baby would be about 6 now.. Iam still fighting with depression and still not on good terms with my mother because of it.. But my point here is Why people look at me and still blame me for this?? If I was tricked in to something I never wanted to do in the first place.. I would have choose life not death!!

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:39 PM on May. 17, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (11)
  • It's between you and God at this point. There is no reason for others to judge. What is done is done. I am sure that God knows your heart, and knows how much you grieve for your baby. I am so sorry you went through this, I can't imagine.

    Answer by beckcorc at 9:47 PM on May. 17, 2010

  • AWW hun
    I agree with the pp it is between you and God!

    Answer by mommymeg03 at 9:50 PM on May. 17, 2010

  • Having been in an abortion clinic under the age of 18, I know they ask you several times if anyone was forcing you to make the decision. Had you been honest they would have gotten social services involved and you wouldn't have had to go through with it. But I was 17 when I made my decision and no one there even tried to talk me out of it, or offer alternatives. The nurse even told me my fetus didn't have a heartbeat yet.
    It is such a shame your mother wanted you to dispose of your child. The worst part is she probably never thinks about it, even though your heart aches when you think about it. I know subsequent pregnancies dont make up for the one you didn't carry, and its hard going through the motions, not knowing what you missed or what could have been.
    I'm willing to bet you could seek an abortion support group to help you handle your feelings.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:50 PM on May. 17, 2010

  • Honestly when this all happen I really dont remember anyone asking me if Iam being forced in to it.. But also I was in such a daze that day I cant remember alot and I dont want to.. I just remember the pain after it all happen and how I just wanted my baby back growing in my belly..

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:55 PM on May. 17, 2010

  • When we're young, it's easy for parents to manipulate & control us. We do what's expected trying to be "good girls" & please our parents. Unfortunately, parents don't always know what's right for us. My mom pressured me into marriage too young. I got married at 19, my mom thought you had to be engaged before you graduated from high school, & I think she would have preferred I got married the week after graduation. I had my 1st son at 21, & was divorced by 23. I thought I didn't have a choice but to get married. Now I look back & realize that I did, I just didn't have the confidence to make my own decisions I can't tell you how sorry I am that you had to go through this, 1st you have to forgive yourself, then try not to let other people's judgment be the measure that you judge yourself by.

    After a miscarriage someone told me my baby would be waiting for me in heaven, it helps me to believe that, I hope it helps you.

    Answer by ohwrite at 10:00 PM on May. 17, 2010

  • you could try a regular grieving and mourning group...even though the baby wasnt born at all, you still see this as a loss, as i would, and because maybe you supressed a lot of emotions, maybe because your mom, you haven't been anle to accept and let go

    find one of those groups, express yourself...being near others and seeking support is what you need now to make up for the times when you didnt have it and you shoud have.

    Good Luck

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:01 PM on May. 17, 2010

  • i got pregnant when i was 18, and my mom said she thought i should get an abortion - i eventually agreed with her and got the abortion. it was the best advice she ever gave me. who knows where i would be now if i didnt? i probably wouldnt be with the father, i wouldnt have my current son i have now, and mine and my childs life would have been such a struggle.
    im not saying that i think your mother was right in forcing you if you really were against it, but she probably thought she was doing what was best for you - and it probably was what was best for you. your not ready for a kid at 16. your mother was just trying to do what was best for you. move on, its over. you have a child now.. you didnt murder a baby. it wasnt a baby yet.

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 10:04 PM on May. 17, 2010

  • puppulbutterfly... you never cease to amaze me with your abortion loving replies. Yuck!!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:31 PM on May. 17, 2010

  • If you had gone through with the pregnancy, you might have not been led to where you are in life today, and the other two wonderful children that you have. Think of it this way, your kids were destined to be your own, so perhaps they were not yet ready to be in your life in the form of the your first pregnancy, and it just took time (and your mom's input) to delay their arrival. Now you will soon have two wonderful little people to comfort you and love you. Please don't blame yourself. You were too young to fully understand any other options. It was your mother's responsibility to guide you, and she made that choice for you.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:35 PM on May. 17, 2010

  • I just want to say I'm sorry that you are suffering. I agree that you should try to find a support group to help you. I also like to think you will meet that child again. Hugs.

    Answer by Hazelnutkin at 12:05 AM on May. 18, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.