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terrible twos dilemma

my oldest son is is 2 years and 3mos old, and my youngest is 10 months. my oldest has been super mean to my youngest lately, hitting, kicking, stealing toys, you know, the usual two year old stuff. on top of that he will not listen at all, like i tell him to do something and i have to say it a hundred times and he still wont listen. time outs arent working. threats arent working. privlege restriction isnt working. is there a trick to getting through this?? please tell me it will pass and when?!

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disheveled

Asked by disheveled at 10:31 PM on May. 17, 2010 in Toddlers (1-2)

Level 3 (17 Credits)
Answers (4)
  • ask him why he is mad, who is he mad at, and what you can do to help. the BEST advice i got (my daughter is about to hit that phase) is to 'teach them to ask for help'. this is where you need to show that you are there for him AND his brother, he might be hitting, etc. because he feels jealous of the younger one's attention he is receiving. his emotions are trying to eveolve and he doesn't know how to communicate them yet, try asking and then if he will not say reply with 'we do not do that, _(insert name), (I) am here if you need anything, if you are angry let me know.' that way he knows you are listening and not just punishing unfairly (which 2 year old think everything is unfair... ) and he can hear often then that the behavior is not acceptable and he needs to TALK to you instead of being physical.
    IndieJones

    Answer by IndieJones at 10:38 PM on May. 17, 2010

  • whenever i try to reason or ration with him he wont listen. he actually turns his head or runs away or if i try and hold him there and say 'listen to mommy for a sec" he writhes until he is free or whines so that he doesnt havt to hear what im saying. i find myself yelling just to catch his attention and i dont like it at all.
    disheveled

    Answer by disheveled at 10:42 PM on May. 17, 2010

  • oh yeah, been at the yelling stage for weeks on end with no avail... and holding them when they kick back hurts! hmm, warnings sound right then. telling him what will happen if he does it again at least give him options. oh but do NOT negotiate, as much as you want to give them what they want to be happy it shows a lack of boundaries and he will try to cross them all from here on out!
    :) there's a reason it's called 'like talking with a two year old' in concern to stubborn people. No more yelling, if he wont respond it will save you some voice and if he needs to yell or be angry try to show him how to be angry.

    if he needs to yell, tell him to go yell outside. if he needs to hit, give him a stuffed animal to be mean to. then, it wont be so much 'outcasting' him for his behavior, like by secluding him with time outs or playing the 'your brother is being the GOOD child' game. Redirect his behavior 'til he calms down then talk
    IndieJones

    Answer by IndieJones at 10:53 PM on May. 17, 2010

  • i like it but putting him outside would be a reward for him lol. and when i put him in time out sometimes he commits the same crime while in time out that hes in there for! like liam will crawl up to him and he will hit him on the head or somthing. the past couple weeks his time outs have been getting add ons for every time he gets up or does something and thats not working either. i like the idea about being mean to a toy though. ill give it a whirl!
    disheveled

    Answer by disheveled at 11:01 PM on May. 17, 2010

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