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Former teen moms... do you have a plan?

I had my first child when I was seventeen, and I now have a son and three daughters. My son is now only ten years younger than I was when I got pregnant, and I've been struggling with the worry that history will repeat itself. I don't want my children to have to struggle the way that I did, but how do I preach what I did not practice? It's not the same as a parent who smoked weed telling their kids not to... you don't have to tell your kids that you smoked, but being a teen parent is evident in my age and theirs. Have you considered this issue and have you come up with a plan on how to (hopefully) prevent history from repeating itself?

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Asked by prinzesstephi at 11:17 PM on May. 17, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 12 (822 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • My mom was terrified I'd become a teen mom just like she did. And I did. She never told me why though. If she would have told me all the things she went through and all the struggles I wouldn't have had sex.

    Answer by SaraP1989 at 11:20 PM on May. 17, 2010

  • i will be entirely honest. i won't sugarcoat anything. i love my kids dearly, wouldn't trade them for the world, but it was tough... and if i could change one thing, it would have been the timing. my girls will most likely remember and see what it was like growing up with me. lol.

    Answer by gracefulsky at 11:22 PM on May. 17, 2010

  • I wont be naive. I am going to tell them I want them to wait but I'm not stupid kids have sex so I want them prepared. They will be able to get condoms from me if they want and if they have a gf that wants on bc, I will take her to the dr to get on it. I will not get mad at them for asking about things like that. I would rather find out they're having sex by asking for condoms then by finding out when they tell me their gf is pregnant.

    Answer by legalmom343 at 12:30 AM on May. 18, 2010

  • I agree with legalmom! There was no line of communication in my house, I didn't use protection ONE time, because we didn't have it. I want my son to be able to come to me and ask for condoms, my daughter to ask for birth control. I want to be able to protect them, literally I guess! My son will be old enough to remember his mother working, going to college, raising him. He will remember, and see, how hard it is. I love him, oh do I love him, and no, I wouldn't change the timing. He made me who I am today... but I don't want him to go through what I have, to get where I am today!

    Answer by Annabel1809Lee at 12:59 AM on May. 18, 2010

  • This is something I've thought about myself. I had my oldest when I was 18 years old. Finally I decided that I will share with my kids that it is okay to wait until they get married dispite what friends may try to say. But also teach them about safe sex if they decide to make the decision to have sex before getting married. Just remember its your job to "walk you kids to the door" but they need to step though it and learn from their mistakes weather they are big ones or life changing ones.

    Answer by Apple_Pie2010 at 2:46 AM on May. 18, 2010

  • I wasn't a teen mom, but I did get married young to the wrong man. I have already been talking to my 8 and 10 year olds about choosing a smart lifemate, things to look for, just casually in conversation when the subject comes up or when we're watching a tv show together. They see the differences between their dad and my husband - they're pretty stark and we discuss that too (not that I'm putting their dad down, just talking about how much more my current husband suits me)

    Answer by missanc at 7:58 AM on May. 18, 2010

  • I was 18 when I got married, got pregnant right after, then had my son at 19 and left his dad at 20. I now have him (he is almost 8) and full custody of my SD (she is almost 7). We have already talked about making good choices and going to college and then getting married and having babies. They will both tell me that I made the wrong choices, lol. They know that they are loved and that we wouldn't change anything, but I try to explain that it would be easier if we had each waited because then we would have found each other and had babies together and they wouldn't have to 'switch houses' (visit their other parents).

    I hope that they see how hard things are for us. I never saw things being hard for my parents (they were 18/19 when they had me too), and I honestly just figured if they could do it, I could do it, so I ran out and did it. I want to be more honest with my kids and hope that they make better choices.

    Answer by TJandKarasMom at 9:53 AM on May. 18, 2010

  • This question hit especially close to home yesterday... a friend of mine who had her first child at 15 found out yesterday that her 16 year old daughter has been hiding a pregnancy from her. She's 34 weeks pregnant. She will be a grandmother before she's 32...

    Comment by prinzesstephi (original poster) at 3:24 PM on Jul. 2, 2010

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