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yelling at children how do u stop or dont do it as much.

i am pregnant,i have a 5yr old i am a stay at home mom that never gets a break. my daughter doesnt listen well and it doesnt take long and im yelling. i do yell a lot,but my boyfriend seems to think that all i do is yell and that isnt true. he wants me to stop yelling. well i want her to listen and do and act better too and he yells sometimes at her too. what do i do? any advice,tips?

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Asked by Anonymous at 9:53 AM on May. 18, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (7)
  • My grandmother said that children listen better when you whisper. She had a soft voice and we couldn't hear her so we got quiet so we could hear what she was saying. For all we knew she was telling us to come eat ice cream so we learned to listen better! Just try speaking to her without shouting. If that doesn't work then try the whisper thing to see if it works. Let her see your lips moving though. It won't work if you are in the other room!

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:01 AM on May. 18, 2010

  • Try 1-2-3 Magic. I got it from the library and I yelled a lot less. But I didn't stick to it and I am back to yelling more now. My DF had the same complaint, that all I do is yell, but it's not 'all' I do! I have tried everything, but his DD (we have FULL custody, she hasn't seen her BM in months) does not listen at all. It's really like she just tunes everything out and doesn't hear us. It makes me really angry and I end up yelling (because I don't think I should have to repeat every single thing I say to a 6.5 year old). My DS is a little older and listens a little better, but he still gets yelled at too.

    I think some people are just yellers. I always thought I wouldn't be, but it is hard to get out of the habit. I think I will BUY 1-2-3 Magic so I can reread it and have it to refer to. It was working really well when I was sticking to it, but bad habits die hard! Good luck :)

    Answer by TJandKarasMom at 10:01 AM on May. 18, 2010

  • How do you stop yelling? When you feel like you are, take a deep breath and hold it. Then whisper to your child instead. It is amazing how the child will stop and listen when you whisper.

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 10:04 AM on May. 18, 2010

  • At 36 weeks, your hormones are running high and patience low. That's understandable. And your DD may be feeling some, if not jealousy, maybe some feelings of displacement. My 5 yo acts out when he is needing attention and if he can't get any other kind of attention, he'll get himself in trouble. To kids bad attention is better than no attention. When my son acts out in that way, I know that is why he is doing it. He feels neglected. I always feel badly about it when it happens.

    Is there any way you can take some down time with just you and her? Is there any thing that makes her feel really special? For my kids, doing crafts with me helps them feel better. I don't know what to say about your boy friend yelling at her too. That is just wrong, and as an adult he needs to learn how to control himself better. I'm not saying that you have an excuse, because you need to do better too, but I am saying that I understand.

    Answer by VeronicaLee at 10:07 AM on May. 18, 2010

  • My grandmother said that children listen better when you whisper. She had a soft voice and we couldn't hear her so we got quiet so we could hear what she was saying.

    I have tried that myself and sometimes it really does work

    I also do 1-2-3 and at three, they get a time out or something taken away (favorite toy, or something special like TV time). My kids took a while to understand the 1-2-3 concept, but I rarely have to go past #2 anymore before they sit up and notice that they are about to be in trouble, and that I am not playing around.


    Answer by VeronicaLee at 10:10 AM on May. 18, 2010

  • When you find yourself getting mad, try to distract her to do something else. take a deep breath and think to yourself that you have to stop yelling so much. get down on her level and speak in a normal tone to her.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:39 AM on May. 18, 2010

  • When someone resorts to yelling, it's usually a sign they have lost control and it only accelerates the kaos.......
    Talking in a firm and in-control voice, keeps you in charge
    Focus on their positives as well as their shortcomings. (they need to know you notice and appreciate the good, as well)
    Be fair, but follow through without fail, otherwise your words will mean nothing
    Go out of your way to reward or recognise good behavior

    Answer by GMMOLLY at 5:39 PM on May. 18, 2010

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