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Sometimes I think he's the crankiest child...

My son is 21 months old. And already he thinks he's grown, the terrible twos have hit me like a ton of bricks. I just don't know what to do for him anymore. Nothing makes him happy. We recently left his father behind because he got violent with me. I know I can't take him there for a day just to have some me time, and he only started acting out when I ripped his daddy from him. I just don't know how to please him anymore. He throws tantrums, throws his weight around, wont let me hold him or walk holding his hand without letting me know he's completely disgusted with it. Screams at me, tells me "no", tells me "don't touch" if he gets in trouble, wont nap, refuses to eat right, I can't take him out anywhere, I just don't understand what to do. Can anyone help me here?

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Countessfreya

Asked by Countessfreya at 1:44 PM on May. 18, 2010 in Toddlers (1-2)

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Answers (6)
  • Oh girly, I am right there with you except I have 20 month old twin boys. I get double of everything you mentioned. It is hard. I know. Just continue to shower him with love and keep trying everything you are. I've heard that kiddos this age are going to be like this and there isn't much we can do until they grow out of it. Not sure our sanity is going to make it out but at least we all have each other!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:49 PM on May. 18, 2010

  • The best thing you can do(imo) is to be calm and patient with him.
    Children learn from example, not from being told how to behave.
    He's going through an adjustment period and it's going to take some time. He's not even 2 yet so he knows he has a lot of strong feelings but doesn't know how to express them in a calm, logical manner.
    I'm not saying let him get away with being a brat. He definitely has to learn what behavior is appropriate and what isn't but if you discipline with anger and frustration then that's what he learns.
    If you're calm and loving then over time he will learn to be the same.
    It's a tough time and it's probably going to be tough for a while. My son went through a similar phase and that's exactly what it is, a phase.
    Patience and love.
    When my son throws tantrums now I get him to hold his arms above his head and take deep breaths until he calms down.
    Sometimes I have to physically hold his arms up. It works
    Laila-May

    Answer by Laila-May at 1:54 PM on May. 18, 2010

  • I do appreciate it. I'm just so lost. My fuse is so short anymore that I probably jump at him a little to quickly. Leaving his father took a huge toll on me and I think I'd be better if I had some alone time, y'know? I moved into my grandmothers next door to my mom's. And he's just too hard for anyone to handle. Save for his dad. How do you go about getting alone time to relax and regain your cool when you can never be alone?
    Countessfreya

    Answer by Countessfreya at 1:59 PM on May. 18, 2010

  • Try not to get visibly anger-you're just adding fuel to the fire.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:06 PM on May. 18, 2010

  • Your fuse is likely short because you are probably depressed..

    I think you need therapy someone to talk your feelings through with.. Also join a support group for single parents and possibly battered women. The battered shelter will have info for you.

    You do not need time away from your child. You need to get your mind back on track, confidence up, need to talk about your issues/stress and depression allayed.

    He is not the problem. He is normal and being emotional and reacting to a loss (he has LOST his father). You are also grieving the loss of what you thought was a good partner but is no longer a good partner.. and the loss of your child's father in his life. This is a tough time for you both. You need to band together, not be apart more. You don't need time away, you need happier time together. I think you might need to talk more about your feelings so they aren't displaced onto your child.

    You can do this.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:15 PM on May. 18, 2010

  • He does not need "handled" or "dealt with" .. he needs to be understood, comforted, and dealt with - with love, understanding for his loss, and compassion.

    You are not currently providing this because you are also suffering mentally and emotionally.

    Your family is not helping .. they are just calling him "difficult" and that is not the right way to view this. It is acting out his emotions, not being "difficult"..

    When you feel yourself becoming angry, think of how much pain he is in. Would you react with anger at a broken leg? No? His heart is probably breaking. Think of it like that. You will understand --his-- anger .. as you understand --your own-- ..

    Like I said. Therapy. Support groups. Tell your family what is what. And try to remember he is not even 2 yet. This is not terrible two's, this is a reaction to a trauma.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:18 PM on May. 18, 2010

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