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How long is too long of an engagement?

I'm absolutely in love with my boyfriend but we've only been together a year and just recently decided to move in together - but haven't actually made the move yet - and I thought we were both doing good with the whole "taking things slow" idea since we've both had some bad relationships in the past but then last night he asked me to marry him and I said yes. I want to marry him but I don't want to rush into it so I'd like to have a nice long engagement but I also don't want to wait forever or to the point where people start impatiently asking us about a date or start assuming there is a problem in the relationship. I told him I want to wait at least another year before the wedding and he said he was planning on that anyway but couldn't wait any longer to pop the question. He said it's a relief now being able to call me fiancee instead of just girlfriend.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:32 PM on May. 18, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • I think anything over 12-18 months is too long. I never understand people getting "engaged" and then waiting years to get married, or even set a date. Why bother with an engagement if you don't plan on getting married soon?
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 7:45 PM on May. 18, 2010

  • you wait as long as you want to wait. There was nothing wrong with our relationship, but i wanted a big wedding and wanted to save up for it, plus we were teenagers at the time, then one thing led to another, family illness, death , so our wedding kept getting put on hold. long story short we were engaged for 10 years, finally just decided to go to a justice of the peace and do it. Now, we're almost 40yo and happily married with 2 kids. so dont worry about other people, just do it when it's right for the both of you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:47 PM on May. 18, 2010

  • DH and I waited 2 years, gave us time to plan without too much stress and since we were already living together it made it that much easier, a year or two isn't a bad length of time IMO.
    heratyc

    Answer by heratyc at 7:48 PM on May. 18, 2010

  • OP: I see your point and that's why the proposal was a complete surprise. I'm not sure why but I do like referring to him as my fiance, it has a better sound.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:00 PM on May. 18, 2010

  • We engaged after one year and stayed like that for 3 years. For us engagement means "I promise to marry you". But when? that is a big question. The answer is: when the time is right. When we have the money, when we have the place to stay, when we finished college, when we found the right job etc. So all these took 3 years. And then we got married and been so for 8 years now. Don't let others bother you. We engaged without telling anyone. It was our secret, our promise to each other. Not to my in-laws.
    cristinaberger

    Answer by cristinaberger at 8:02 PM on May. 18, 2010

  • Congrats! I think a year is a good amount of time for a long engagement.
    theutilitarian

    Answer by theutilitarian at 8:29 PM on May. 18, 2010

  • People will start asking about the date as soon as they find out that you are engaged. They will keep asking for the date, until you are married. LOL

    My SO and I have been engaged for 6 years and still no date.
    jucyfrut

    Answer by jucyfrut at 8:43 PM on May. 18, 2010

  • I am confused, you said it will be a year before the wedding right? Most weddings take that long, if not longer to plan. I think how long is to long, is up to you. Some people like the idea of know their "fiances" are willing to marry them, don't actually pursue marriage itself. They are happy knowing they are at least willing to make the commitment. KWIM?
    Angel8203

    Answer by Angel8203 at 8:48 PM on May. 18, 2010

  • I think anything over 12-18 months is too long. I never understand people getting "engaged" and then waiting years to get married, or even set a date. Why bother with an engagement if you don't plan on getting married soon?

    But why do we have to get married soon?? Why the big rush??
    We got engaged and during the first year, my Dad passed away from cancer, the 2nd year I had to replace my roof, and now that I moved into his house in 2004, but we are still waiting for my house to be sold. THEN, we will have some money to have a wedding. Only it won't be a big wedding like I originally wanted because my Dad can't give me away. We don't even know what the plan is yet.
    jucyfrut

    Answer by jucyfrut at 8:54 PM on May. 18, 2010

  • i was engaged for about a year before i got married. i thought that was a good amount of time to prepare for our wedding. a friend of mine has been engaged for 18 years and she's finally getting married this August. I guess it depends on what you want to do or NEED to do to have the wedding of your dreams.
    piercedbeauty21

    Answer by piercedbeauty21 at 8:55 PM on May. 18, 2010

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