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Is his behavior normal, am I being rude or am I going about this the right way?

I broke up with my ex 8 months ago because he was an alcoholic and very verbally abusive. He has sent gifts to my son and I but I just set them aside. He destroyed the person I was and now I strongly dislike him for that. I don't want anything to do with him. After we broke up, he stalked me and I finally threatened him with a restraining order, and he stopped and I have not talked to him since. Every so often he sends me emails telling me about how he has stopped drinking and how he's sorry. Recently, he sent me one asking for my friendship. I never replied because I don't want to be his friend. I work at the same place he does and soon we will be working around eachother so he brought that up for a reason on why we should be friends too. Yesterday he called my house but I didn't answer. All of this just makes me sick and scared in a way. I wish he would just leave me alone.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:18 AM on May. 19, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • I would find a new job and move. This guy is a freak.
    BlooBird

    Answer by BlooBird at 12:20 AM on May. 19, 2010

  • He's trying to show you he's changed. Tell him your sorry but it's too little too late; no matter how hard he tries. You're happy for him if he honestly has changed but he's going to have to show that 'new guy' to the next chick you just can't forget the past. And if he can't respect that then you may have to talk to the HR dept at work or revisit that restraining order.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:21 AM on May. 19, 2010

  • It sounds like he is cvery dependant on you. I dont' think you need to be friends. Is he your son's father? If not than you dont' have to have any tiype of contact with him. I would though consider counseling for yourself and eventually forgive him for what he has done. I have never been in any kind of close relationship with an alcoholic, but my grandpa struggled his entire life with alcoholism... he lost almost everything and everyone because of it. I hope he gets help, but that does not mean that you have to be friends with him. I hope that you get healing from this though, as well as him. Its very sad :(
    Precious333

    Answer by Precious333 at 12:23 AM on May. 19, 2010

  • Have you told him you would like him to leave you alone?

    Keep it short and simple.
    "Dear Ex(whatever his name is)
    I would appreciate it if you would please stop sending gifts and if you would please stop contacting me.
    While I understand how you feel, I do not return those feelings.
    I am not interested in being "friends". We are co-workers and that is all.
    I would like to keep things professional at work and to be left alone outside of work.
    Thank you."

    The more you explain things to guys like this, the more ammunition it gives them to try and change your mind. Don't explain "why" you don't want to have a personal relationship with him because he'll only use that to try to convince you that he's changed.
    Just maintain that you only want a professional relationship with him.(and avoid using the word relationship, lol)

    Stand your ground.
    Laila-May

    Answer by Laila-May at 12:25 AM on May. 19, 2010

  • Get a restraining order.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:40 AM on May. 19, 2010

  • No you're not being rude. You're not trying to punish him, you just really don't want him in your life. If he's your sons father, I think you should let your son decide if he wants the gifts, but if he's not the father, too bad for him. I agree with the PP who said tell him you wish him the best but it's too late. Then again, if he has stalked you and you don't want to say anything to him, then don't feel pressured. Just keep ignoring him and hopefully he'll go away. If he doesn't, and you feel scared, get a restraining order. Hang in there!
    Adelicious

    Answer by Adelicious at 12:53 AM on May. 19, 2010

  • Girl my boyfriend is a crazy alcoholic so I know exactly how you are feeling right now...go with your gut...its usually right...and if it hasn't been a year yet of him being sober...I wouldn't think he has changed...don't let him get too close cuz i know how crazy they can be...and you don't need that kind of drama...(neither do I!) I am trying to work things out for our children...but if he doesn't quit soon...I'll be in the same position as you!
    jrnceliasmami

    Answer by jrnceliasmami at 4:01 AM on May. 19, 2010

  • Tell him yeah this is not going to work . alcoholics if they are truly working a recovery program would be able to take the no. if he is sending you presents he is not working a program he is trying to convince you by bribe that he has stopped. My father was a drunk but because he had a job no one believed he was a drunk. You are good to say no and not encourage this behavior. GL Momma

    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 7:52 AM on May. 19, 2010

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