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says he loves me but if i left him he would be fine and he is just tired emotionally..

been a rough few months. hubby is going through withdrawal from an antidepressant and a new med...doc mad at him for quittingcold turkey and it screwed him up bad.well during that he said some things that broke my heart, one if i left him tomorrow he would not chase me, let me go and he would be fine..he said he is just worn out and feels like i dont put myself out their as much as he does,when i feel its the exact opposite, he feels i dont support or trust him.he doesnt trust or support me. he said he does love me and he held me that night said he was excited that things could get better now,but it still bothers me he said if i left, he would be fine. we live in europe(army) so i would be going back to the US with our kid if i did. his job is stressing him and meds,he told me the meds dont make him lie,just let it all out. dont know what to think.does helove me and wants positive change or not IN love trying to hint hes done

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:26 AM on May. 19, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • CONT. to add..its been a rollercoaster with him . he is not a sensitive guy, not one ot express his emotions much and not overly affectionate either. he has his moments though...and those moments are heaven for me, but their just not their as much anymore. some things i could work on myself..and i have been really trying to fix my shortcomings, but when someone says you could leave me and iw ouldnt chase you and i would be fine..it scares me. is he really not IN LOVE and just loves me as the mother of his kid and loves me as someone who has history with him etc...like a carin glove but not an intimate love. he otld me "doyou really think we would be friends if we were never intimate?" as if he's trying to say were opposites.one min he's hugging me tight..next he looks annoyed when i want a hug n kiss.im confused.does he konw what he wants?if hes in love with me ill do anything for him but if so how could he say that?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:32 AM on May. 19, 2010

  • You do know the army has counselling you could go to? For free. To deal with your DH's physiological problems. Sit down with him. Tell him how you are feeling about all this stuff. Just be honest.  It might be the pills talking or his physioligical issuse talking.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 5:41 AM on May. 19, 2010

  • some times men say things that they may think at the time and then if you really left he would be heart broken.. he may just be under a lot of stress. my husband was like that too. he likes to touch me but when ever i try to kiss or hug him he withdraws. he has gotten better. I don't believe if you love him that much you could be friends. if you have kids and you half to talk , but it wont be the same. i would tell him that you feel close to him when you get to hug and kiss him, don't talk about leaving unless you are really planning to. just start small , when men are stressed about work it affects everything. I personally would just make myself available for when he needs affection, sex ect and just support him , try not to think that he doesn't love you, think instead that he is going trough a tough time and cant properly express his emotions. watch a movie together just sitting by his side you don't have to talk., ect
    TaiM

    Answer by TaiM at 7:54 AM on May. 19, 2010

  • I agree with pp. He is probably going through a rough time. My husband told me the same and we separated for a while and it was hell for him. Just support him through this hard time and love him. He'll come around.
    bjane01

    Answer by bjane01 at 8:06 AM on May. 19, 2010

  • Depression is a nasty place to be. Just ride this wave. He isn't strong right now so you have to be strong for him.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:12 AM on May. 19, 2010

  • one if i left him tomorrow he would not chase me, let me go and he would be fine.
    ********
    I would be sad if my SO left tomorrow; but I'd still be able to get up take care of my kids; go to work; and support us. If someone wanted to leave me my perspective is then they didn't deserve me and I'm not going to let someone worth that little destroy my life. IMO I deserve someone who wants to be with me as much as I want to be with them.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:15 AM on May. 19, 2010

  • to the last poster...you dont get it. i never said i wanted to leave him. i never entertained the thought for a second. HE SAID if you left me i would be fine.

    he's screwing up at work now. where once he was highly respected, an excellent leader, motivated, disciplined....now he's getting in trouble, the doctor got mad at him for quitting effexor cold turkey and scolded him and is making him take small doses of that now along with the othe new anti D to balance him out and said he is being treated for withdrawal symptoms now and straight up told him to his face, You are extremely different and you should of listened to me, when i tell you this drug is strong and to ween off of it slowly as directed I meant it. Its your responsibiity to do as as I told you with these meds or you could end up hurting yourself or someone else. he tol dme last night he was disapointed in himself for letting the withdrawal go this far
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:08 AM on May. 20, 2010

  • i bend over backwards and i am supportive, patient and understanding. i would never give him the thought that i wanted to leave. ever. i
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:10 AM on May. 20, 2010

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