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Fellow adoptive mothers how are you coping with an child hat has odd/add

I am at the end of my patience and rope. She refuses to take her add med and short of holding her and throwing it down her throat...and her mouth is beyond control, normal consequences are not helpful, her psych dr is not helpful(medicaid won't approve the patch), and due to the downsizing I can't find a therpist that gets it...stress can't begin how I am feeling today, and because of this particular adoption I am on zoloft...grrr....i am not coping well and I just saw my therapist yesterday which I got in order to learn to cope vs having a stroke or a heart attack
from fustration, anger and stress.

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STRESSOLDMOM

Asked by STRESSOLDMOM at 9:28 AM on May. 19, 2010 in Adoption

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Answers (15)
  • You do what any mother does, the fact that she is adopted doesn't matter. You deal with it, you help her deal with it and learn how to work it to her advantage. You also get support, there are several on here. You also read all you can and learn how to turn the unwanted behavior around. You pick your battles. "Normal" discipline does not work with a ADD child much less a ODD.. Meds are helpful but not a fix all cure all... Go to the school, see what they offer. Some schools have school based counselors. I have been dealing with this for years with my youngest son, it is not easy, I know that. I learned that praise and reward did wonders for wanted behavior and a quick redirection for unwanted.. He is 8 now.. Hugs to you mom, hang in there !!!!
    midnightmoma

    Answer by midnightmoma at 9:36 AM on May. 19, 2010

  • I know adoption per se doesn't matter, the reason I mention it, is because I need to hear from other adoptive parents who are dealing with issues that they deal with as the child in utero experience and early experience is totally different than my biological children so the way I react and discipline is just not working. I have read so much on the subject I feel like a walking book. The school counselors only see what she presents to them which is her "sweet" side, not the side that the rest of us is dealing with. I have been told to ignore the bad behavior, which is hard to do when she is throwing stuff, or stomping or telling her twin she wishes her twin was never borned, or yelling at the top of her lungs, so the neighbors hear...tried ignoring and it gets worse and I get a headache and knots in my shoulders. You are right I need support. Thank you for replying, I just want
    life to have a balance feel to it...
    STRESSOLDMOM

    Answer by STRESSOLDMOM at 9:56 AM on May. 19, 2010

  • How old is your dd? At what age was she adopted? I know of one therapist who attributes higher ADD rates in adopted children to what he calls "day-dreaming", basically a subconscious obsession with bfamily. To tell the gods honest truth, I know this therapist personally and am not wholly in agreement with all of his ideas...but I tend to agree on this particular part only because I remember myself at a younger age and what was going through my head when I should have been focusing.
    Can you find a therapist who specializes in adopted children, or are you limited by medicaid? It very well may have nothing to do with adoption, but why not give it a shot?
    I don't have an add child (she's only 2, so time will tell), so I can't give you any concrete specific advice, but hang in there and take care of yourself. Best of luck to you.
    LiliMama18

    Answer by LiliMama18 at 10:10 AM on May. 19, 2010

  • Hi OP! I feel your pain! I've worked w/ kiddosand parents who've dealt with all sorts of challenges over the last decade, and I know first hand how difficult it can be. I just wanna say how awesome you are for adopting a child with special needs. It takes a big heart and major committment to do what you are doing, so keep up the good work! I'm wondering if your state offers respite care? I once worked at a program for children with special needs and behavioral challenges that offered respite for parents in need of a "break" so-to-speak. Even parents need a day or 2 once in a while to get themselves back on track and rested. Let's face it, it takes a LOT of energy to care for a kiddo with special needs, so maybe a weekend of respite care once a month would help you rejuvenate. Also, do you have a station armed with coping skills set up for your DD? A sensory cart full of soft, rough, squishy, hot, cold, etc, items
    kenzie07

    Answer by kenzie07 at 10:16 AM on May. 19, 2010

  • may help in situations where DD is becoming aggressive. When you see her temper begin to rise, you could suggest that she choose an item from the sensory cart to play with until she is calm. Journals, coloring books, headphones, and gum are also good tools to put in there. Hope this helps!
    kenzie07

    Answer by kenzie07 at 10:18 AM on May. 19, 2010

  • I am an AMom, but unfortunately I don't have any help or advice for you....just wanted to say hang in there and keep trying!! ((HUGS))
    AllAboutKeeley

    Answer by AllAboutKeeley at 10:21 AM on May. 19, 2010

  • One more thing, you might try a sticker chart for med. administration (depenting on age of DD). Every time she takes her meds, she gets to put a sticker on the chart. At the end of a few days, or end of the week depending on age, she will be able to choose a reward such as trip to the dollar store or to go for ice cream.
    kenzie07

    Answer by kenzie07 at 10:24 AM on May. 19, 2010

  • This is the woman to ask: http://marlourussellphd.com/default.aspx she's not an amom but an adoptee. If you really want an amom then http://www.nancyverrier.com/ . Nancy also does phone counseling sessions. Good luck :)

    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 12:18 PM on May. 19, 2010

  • I am not an adoptive parent yet, but I do know a little about add. I am a martial arts instructor and I have taught several children with add,adhd and various other issues and the parents have been thrilled with the results. If you can contact a local martial arts school and ask them if they have any programs that they can offer you, and if they can offer a discount. Some instructors even offer free programs to children who they know can benefit. I should also mention, that I am an adoptee, and now a potential adoptive parent.

    MiddletonFamily

    Answer by MiddletonFamily at 3:20 PM on May. 19, 2010

  • My older child (DD, age 5 1/2) has been seen by two different pediatric psychologists because of some severe behavioral issues. We do not have a diagnosis at this time, although I did ask them to rule out ADHD and Asperger's since her older (bio) brother has been diagnosed with both. The most recent doctor believes that the impulsivity and hyper-irritability is due to the in-utero drug exposure.

    We are in agreement with the dr. that meds are not warranted in her case (and at her age, we would not even consider that route). We have been using Love and Logic, and have seen tremendous improvement in her behavior and her response to our attempts at redirecting her. I completely understand how you feel frustrated and helpless. I felt so ineffective and wondered what in the world I was doing wrong. I started on Celexa (an antidepressant), and that has helped. Hang in there!
    Iamgr8teful

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 9:55 PM on May. 19, 2010

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