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Married for 1 yr yet it feels like a lifetime...help

My hubby and I have been together for 2 yrs. We started dating and I got pregnant after we had the baby we got married seeing it was the right thing to do. Now we have 2 girls and we argue constantly, our arguements get out of control but never in front of our girls. its at the point now where we are hitting and pushing each other yelling and i am just tired of it. We always feel worse after each arguement and say we will work harder but its never like that.. we dont know what to do and need advice?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:45 AM on May. 19, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • counseling... neither one of you seems to have good skills for problem-solving if it always comes to yelling and hitting. sounds like you both want to make it work but have no idea how... counseling will give you those tools.
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 12:13 PM on May. 19, 2010

  • It doesn't sound like you two are actually compatible. I'd be parting ways.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:47 AM on May. 19, 2010

  • You are not always going to agree.But you don't want the hitting and pushing to become something worse.I've been married 12 years now.We have come to the conclusion that we don't have to agree all the time.and we don't have to prove to the other that we are right and they are wrong.
    but it does take two to fight and argue.Maybe next time he is mad, refuse to talk about it until he calms down.He will get more mad when you walk away from a fight he wants to have.
    Or one of you can leave and come back after you are calm enough to talk without yelling.
    evelynwest

    Answer by evelynwest at 11:52 AM on May. 19, 2010

  • Get yourselves to counselling and quickly.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:54 AM on May. 19, 2010

  • Get counseling. If you both want it to work, it probably can.
    Lovey1234

    Answer by Lovey1234 at 12:00 PM on May. 19, 2010

  • I've heard a few people say that the first 3 years are the most difficult in a marriage. This was also true for me and DH. After the honeymoon period and birth of our DD, we became completely incompatible....but we still had a very deep love for each other. Even though we couldn't agree on the simplest things and got on each other's nerves repeatedly, we knew deep down that we just had to get through it. This is our 4th year of marriage and we have come SO FAR! We are both utterly happy and we've learned how to live with each other's idiosyncrasies. I think we love each other more now than we ever did, and I didn't think that possible. If you know in your heart that you love your DH and can't live w/o him, hang in there! It'll get better over time! But the physical stuff has to be stopped immediately!

    kenzie07

    Answer by kenzie07 at 12:20 PM on May. 19, 2010

  • What do you fight about and when do you fight? 

    beeky

    Answer by beeky at 2:45 PM on May. 19, 2010

  • Anger management and parenting classes ASAP. You also each need individual counseling and couples counseling. If the two of you cannot control your outbursts, then you need to separate while you work on yourselves and your relationship. What you are subjecting your children to right now is emotional abuse, but you already know that. That is why you are seeking advice here now.

    The road won't be easy, but with work you two can come through this and become better people with a happy marriage.
    ThrivingMom

    Answer by ThrivingMom at 2:59 PM on May. 19, 2010

  • Ive been there, that was my life for the first two years of our marriage. He always said stupid things, and did stupid things, but in reality he was reacting to me and how I was treating him. Well I stepped up changed myself, now I am the kind of person I love to be, and the wife he loves to have. Get the book "the proper care and feeding of husbands" and/or "the proper care and feeding of marriage" You might find that the one thing keeping you back from being happy is yourself. Men are simple creatures, they really are. We woman are about as complicated as it gets. I would also recomend "the surrendered wife" this is how I live my life, and I am a more confident happy person, and my husband and I have rebuilt our relationship, my kids were able to feel more comfortable in our house, because they see it, even if you dont think they do. Change yourself, and you can see your relationship turn completely around. Mine did.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:58 PM on May. 19, 2010

  • You have two choices. Well three I guess. 1) everything stays the same, you live a miserable life and your kids learn to live a miserable life. 2) you divorce, which I only recommend when things absolutely cannot be fixed anymore, you have tried everything and nothing works. 3) COUNSELING. You didn't state your ages but I'm betting you are both fairly young still. Relationships are difficult, even good ones. Go get some counseling and try to fix this before you give up.
    TarLion

    Answer by TarLion at 4:12 PM on May. 19, 2010

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