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love you vs. in love with you

My SO and I had a recent rough patch. During it, I asked him if he truly loved me. His response was that he loves me very much, but was not passionately in love with me. That hurt my feelings, but then I've read on here where some women think that the first rush of passionate love goes away to be replaced by a love that's better. So I want to know, how do you ladies think I should take that?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 12:30 PM on May. 19, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • I think he's telling you that he isn't in love with you. There is a difference. Of course the initial lust goes away, or dies down a little bit after a while. I've been with my fiance for over two years...and yeah..we aren't all lovey dovey and so into each other as we once were in the beginning...but I sure as hell am still madly in love with him, and I love him more than anything.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:32 PM on May. 19, 2010

  • what does he mean by "passionately" not in love with you?? I would think that he meant he's not in love with you anymore, i would talk to him about it

    Answer by shanda0914 at 12:53 PM on May. 19, 2010

  • You are not going to feel like you are IN LOVE with your spouse, that is completly normal. Now if he said he didn't love you, then yea I'd worry

    Answer by gulfcoastmom4 at 1:10 PM on May. 19, 2010

  • I wouldn't want to hear that from my husband but I am sure he feels it sometimes. I just don't ask and his actions let me know how he feels. Love does change over time. instead of the butterfies, it becomes more like a comfort and warm apprecation for the other person. Don't worry yourself about what he meant. It's better that he really loves you than is just in love with you because in love is a passing feeling.

    Answer by bjane01 at 2:43 PM on May. 19, 2010

  • I totally disagree... I think you can be "in love" with your spouse or SO. I have been with the guy I'm with for over 3 years now and I am more in love with him today than I was yesterday. Guess what? Tomorrow I will be more "in love" with him than I am today and YES we are still "lovey dovey" as you call it. His mom says we are more like teenagers than adults. Remember though guys sometimes don't know how to express their true feelings.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:44 PM on May. 19, 2010

  • I think if you were having a rough patch that his feelings were totally understandable. I think that there are times in a marriage within the 50 years you will be married that both of you will feel that way from time to time, but I think its great that he still loved you, and now work hard to make him fall passionatly in love with you again.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:48 PM on May. 19, 2010

  • I think it was because of your "rough" patch.. I love DH more then I did before we got married. We spend as much time together as we can and we have been together for 4 years. There are times where we fight and I just have to get away from him for awhile but it doesnt change how I feel about him, I might dislike him at that moment but its not to where I am thinking about divorce or any thing. Maybe you could go out to a nice dinner and a movie or some thing every week to help you guys reconnect. I know after we had DS it was all about him and we both felt like we were drifting apart so we took time to be together. Now we put the kids to bed and spend the rest of the night with each other.

    Answer by MiSs.SmOkEy at 1:18 AM on May. 20, 2010

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