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Seems like he always finds something negative about what I want to do with my life!?

Ok, so I got pregnant a few weeks after I turned 16. I had plans to get my lisence, my dad had just bought me a car for my bday. I was going to finish school, go to college. Well after i got preg. I dropped out to take care of my son, and i sold my car. So now Im going on 19, and my son is 2. Im still at home with him, and I dont even ahve a job. I finally got my permit, the 1st time I took the test I passed. But my fiance (babys dad) always has a negative reason why I should try to progress. Liek with my permit, he gave me a million reasons why I shouldnt get it. I want to take classes to get my GED, and maybe start college next year. I want to get my lisence and maybe a job now. He just always has a reason why I shouldnt do things. Like he doesnt want me to become someone other than a sahm. I like being home with my son, but I just want to be someone other than a sahm. I realize I screwed up, and for awhile (cont'd)

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:25 PM on May. 19, 2010 in

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • Sorry to cut you off. But, he DOESN'T want you to be somebody. And those are the worst kind of people to be around. Get out there and make something of yourself, IF that is what YOU want. He's only going to bring you down and you're going to regret letting someone else control your life.
    aluvk4evr

    Answer by aluvk4evr at 10:29 PM on May. 19, 2010

  • i was really depressed, and then I realized I am still young, and Ive got all the time in the world to turn myself into whatever I want to be. I'll just have to try harder this time. What do I do? with him I mean.. I rely on him for pretty much everything, and I cant just do it myself, cause without his help I cant do anything. But everything I want to do he doesnt approve, so I dont know what to do now.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:28 PM on May. 19, 2010

  • You need to realize that you CAN do anything without his help. You don't need his approval to improve yourself. Do what is best for your child - don't ever let a man hold you back from doing the best you can for your son! You are definitely still young enough to do whatever you want to do and don't ever let a man tell you you can't. I thought that way until i was 30 and finally left my ex - don't waste your 20s thinking you NEED him! You are a strong woman - you're a mom, and we need to always do what is best for our kids; our kids should always come before any man.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 10:32 PM on May. 19, 2010

  • Get those statements "I rely on him" and "I can't do it myself...without his help" OUT of your head. You can do it ALL by yourself. You are a mom, and moms can find a way no matter what.
    aluvk4evr

    Answer by aluvk4evr at 10:32 PM on May. 19, 2010

  • SAHMs have driver's licenses and GEDs and even go to college. You are only 18. You don't need to stay with a controlling man that wants to hold you back just because he got you pregnant. If you haven't already done so, file for custody and child support.  

    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 10:35 PM on May. 19, 2010

  • Yeah, I think I would tell him, thats sweet that you want me to stay home, & you have enjoyed that part as well, but now you want to start working on your education because that is being the best Mom & wife you can be, by setting the example of the importance of education. If he still does not agree, then you will have to take that next hard step. Decide to do what you know is best for you, or do what he wants, which would not be in your best interest. It will only get worse. I hope things go well.
    meme4x

    Answer by meme4x at 10:42 PM on May. 19, 2010

  • What I am most afraid of is if I leave him, he's got money, his own place, a job, plus he's taking college classes online in the evenings. If he were to fight for custody Im pretty sure I would lose, cause I have nothing compared to that. Thats why I pretty much have to do whatever he wants.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:41 PM on May. 20, 2010

  • I think you should turn to your dad for help. You didn't mention whether your relationship with him has changed. So if he is willing, fall back on him. He's your father and if you think you're in "danger", he should know about it and help you get on your feet. If that's impossible, try a women's shelter. Plenty homeless women WITH kids go there for help.
    If your fiance is merely expressing disapproval, then keep fighting to get the things you want; he may just be uncomfortable with change and needs to see you're serious. But if he wants to get physical or threatening about your decisions, then it's time to make a move in another direction. If you went to live with your dad, family or the shelter, there's a good chance you could maintain custody. Courts favor children staying with their mothers more than anything, unless you are a danger to them, i.e abuse, drugs etc.

    Good luck
    aluvk4evr

    Answer by aluvk4evr at 1:31 PM on May. 21, 2010

  • STOP letting him tell you what to do. Get your license, get your GED and get an education. If you don't you won't be able to support your child. You do NOT need to be told what to do by your finance. You are an adult and can do what you want. Do NOT marry him until YOU are stable...driving, a job, your GED, etc. You need to have the skills and education to be able to support yourself and you son without help from anyone else. Your fiance sounds like a controlling person and that is not good.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 9:49 PM on May. 22, 2010

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