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Would you be so forgiving?

My DH and I separated over a year ago. Not much longer after we got back together and decided to start a family. I got pregnant very quickly. 2 or 3 months into the pregnancy he gets distant and won't come around or talk to me. I had my son 7 weeks early and he didn't make it to the hospital because everything happened so fast. He was very upset and was rude to my family when he did get to the hosp. He left before we got to see our son because DS was in NICU. DS was in for 15 days. While he was still there my DH calls and says the baby isn't his and wants a divorce. It turns out some girl I don't even know told him our son was really full term, not early. That would have put the date of conception while we were separated. I didn't cheat. Now we are talking and getting along but not living together. He realized he's wrong and accepted his son a while back.He apologized to me last weekend. Should I get back with him and forgive?

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Asked by Anonymous at 11:25 PM on May. 19, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • i would be really hesitant about moving in and getting back together. take it slowly, and think hard. he could change his mind at any time again, and it may be when the child is older and can get hurt by it as well. you have to do whats right for you, and i wish i had something better to tell you, but the hardest part about a desicion, is making it. once its been made, the pieces roll into place. and this is a big desicion. its ok at this point to forgive, i would say, but getting back together and living together, i would take slowly, ya know? if he really wants you and your child, he will understand your need to take it one step at a time. its a good way to test him. i hope it works out the way you want it to, honey, good luck!

    Answer by jeanniegirl82 at 11:31 PM on May. 19, 2010

  • Wow. It is really up to you. Do you think he means it? Do you think he is sincere? Do you think he will be good in the babies life? Is he still talking to that girl? Did he explain why he tripped like that? I don't mean for give me an answer to all of that. But it is it somethings for you to think about before you make the decision. Some people are just sorry for the way they acted but never really change on the inside. I had someone like that . We did not stay together.

    Answer by my2kids312 at 11:33 PM on May. 19, 2010

  • Honestly, I couldn't forgive that. He decided to become distant with you and not come around to talk to you, then decides to take someone else's word over yours that you supposedly cheated. No he laid the bricks, now he can walk them. I personally wouldn't be forgiving of that. He had word of the doctors that the baby was 7 weeks early and the baby was in Nicu, but he takes the word over a women you've never met. That's wrong.

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 11:33 PM on May. 19, 2010

  • I would first have a long conversation with him. If you can get him to a couples therapy session or with your religious leader (if you have one) even better. It always helps to put things in perspective if there is a 3rd party present. That way your DH won't think you are attacking him. Also, if you find yourself becoming too emotional about the subject, write a letter about it. Men tend to 'turn off' if you get too emotional. Offer to give him that option as well. Many of the men I know have found this to be preferential to discussing it face to face. That way, the content of the discussion is emphasized and not the emotion. I'm not saying that you aren't allowed to be emotional. His behavior went way past obscene. He may have acted out because he was scared out of his mind at the prospect of becoming a father. The question is do you love him? Answer that and hopefully you can go from there.

    Answer by McNanny at 11:37 PM on May. 19, 2010

  • My I say NO! I'm mean whats he gonna do next if someone tells him something. Sounds like to me he was looking for an excuse. Why else would he take the word of another over yours.


    Answer by soonmommyof3 at 11:37 PM on May. 19, 2010

  • don't get back with him till ya'll are sure

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:50 PM on May. 19, 2010

  • Seeing how my husband denied my second pregnancy, hit my stomach at 2 months preg, threw me off the bed at 4 months preg, shoved me to the floor at 6 months preg, decided to separate and moved my stuff out while I was delivering, came to the hospital and cuss me out when the baby was hours old, call himself pd (possible daddy) to my baby til she was 3 months, but accepted her and we moved back together this past March, you would think I would be angry still. It's your choice, but for me I did forgive, but I won't forget.

    Answer by janel09 at 1:05 AM on May. 20, 2010

  • I am the kinda person who forgives but never forgets.. i say wait awhile to move back in together and give it some time.. in time things will work itself out

    Answer by navajomama7 at 1:21 AM on May. 20, 2010

  • The hardest part for me to forgive would be him taking the word of someone who doesn't even know me over mine. Was he cheating with this girl or exactly how did this come about? I mean, I could see him (not saying you're a cheater or anything) thinking this on his own, lots of people get insecure when they have been separated from their spouse like that, they wonder if something happened. So his thinking that, on its own, would be understandable, to a point, and forgiveable. It's the fact that he got the idea from someone else, and instead of telling her, "no, my wife wouldn't do that", or "you don't know her, so how would you know?", he took her word and made accusations toward you that, to me, would be so hard to forgive. What happens, in future, if someone makes another suggestion against you? Will he do this again? I'd be worried about that. I think I'd wait a little longer, see what he does.

    Answer by tropicalmama at 6:27 AM on May. 20, 2010

  • OP here He wasn't cheating with the idiot that told him that. She knew my SIL (my brothers wife) and was mad at her over something stupid. I think she was trying to get back at her so she started crap about me. The idiot also knows my DH's sister so that's how it probably got started.
    He has never hit me, thank goodness. That I wouldn't forgive. When we talk I'm suprisingly calm. I've figured out how to talk to him without making him feel like I'm being an ass... most of the time anyway. I pretty much told him he treated me worst than shit. I could tell he felt bad about it before he even said anything. There are some other issues to work out, so I'm going to see how that goes before we move in together. I'd love to go to couples therapy if he'd agree to it.
    I do love him, that's what makes this so hard. There are many ways we are just like eachother, other ways we are like night and day.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:56 AM on May. 20, 2010

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