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what do you think i should do???

I've been married or 4 years and have 2 adorable kids. It's been like a whole month now thati dont feel conected to my hubby! We're always eithermad at eachother, or arguing inthe night time when my kids are asleep because i don't want them to know we have problems. sometimes I end up kicking him out and immediately feel bad and end up calling him lik 5-10 mins after he left. iI dont know whatelse to do anymore ....

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:22 PM on May. 20, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • It's kinda hard to give advice, when we don't know what you guys problem is...could you be a bit more clear, sweety?
    Nynne

    Answer by Nynne at 4:25 PM on May. 20, 2010

  • [[[[well it could be a small problem simple as he never wants to take me and my kiddos out AND HE NEVER WANTS TO SPENDTIME WITH ME OR THE KIDS AND HE COMES HOME AND HES IN A BAD MOOD AND VERBALLY INSULTS ME SOMTIMES]]]]
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:27 PM on May. 20, 2010

  • maybe seek counseling?
    you have to communicate with each other. and just because your kids are around doesn't mean you can't talk to each other. talk like two adults. no screaming. no name-calling. just talking. talking to each other is the best advice I can give. communication is such a huge factor.
    maybe find a good "self-help" book to read about re-connecting within your marriage? go out on a date. go see a movie and have a nice dinner. re-light those old flames you used to have for each other.

    good luck.
    carliemarie1015

    Answer by carliemarie1015 at 4:28 PM on May. 20, 2010

  • I agree with Nynne. Also, stop kicking him out. That is disrespectful. If he isn't being abusive, then you have no reason to kick him out. If you keep doing that this will end in divorce.

    As for not feeling connected, that happens in every marriage. Something I have learned through the years is that if you don't feel connected to your spouse then the problem is with you. Some where along the line you got busy with life and left him out. you got distracted and neglected the marriage. Now you want to feel safe and loved but you have stepped away long enough that your marriage now needs tending before you have a safety net to come back to.
    ThrivingMom

    Answer by ThrivingMom at 4:30 PM on May. 20, 2010

  • I suggest praying about it. Getting closer to God gets answers on what you should do. When I start feeling distance I will rub his back, or make his favorite dinner (even if we are mad at each other). I try to always be the first to make up (fighting takes too much energy and gets us nowhere). Men need physical attention so focus on it.(not just sex) Don't be stubborn-it doesnt accomplish anything. Talk to him like you love him since fighting is not paying off.
    ABusyBee

    Answer by ABusyBee at 4:31 PM on May. 20, 2010

  • [[ AND HE DOESNT SEEM TO UNDERSTAND I WOULD LIKE TO GO OUT ONCE IN A WHILE IM STUCK AT HOME THE WHOLE WEEK! I MEAN I DONT COMPLAIN ABOUT MY KIDS CUZ THEY MEAN THE WORLD TO ME BUT ITS NOT LIKE IM ASKING TO GO BY OURSELVES I WOULDNT MIND TAKIN MY KIDS AONG WITH US SOMEWHER ]]
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:32 PM on May. 20, 2010

  • If a man doesn't want to spend time with his wife it is usually because his wife is being a nag or pouting. Take a hard honest look at yourself. If you were him, would you WANT to spend time with you right now? Your all caps explanation makes it look like you are very angry and hostile. You want to be able to whine, complain and nag your husband and then expect him to greet you with kind words and hugs and kisses. Marriage doesn't work that way. You need to get off of your high horse and stop waiting for him to shower you with love and affection. You need to humble yourself and become a loving wife or you will end up tearing apart your childrens' home.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:33 PM on May. 20, 2010

  • I AM THE QUIET AND RESPECTFULL ONE HE IS THE VERBALLY ABUSIVE ONE! HE COMES HOME DINNER IS READY AND SERVE HIM , EVERYTHING IS SPOTLESS. EVEN WHEN IM MAD I SMILE WHEN HE COMES HOME AND WHEN WE ARGUE HES THE ONE THATS VERBALLY ABUSIVE I USUALLY SHUT DOWN AND TRY TO PRETEND EVERYTHINGS OK AND LET HIM SAY WHAT HE WANTS TO SAY . BUT I ALWAYS END UP SHUTING DOWN TO NOT FIGHT ANYMORE. NOW I AM VERY ANGRY AND HOSTILE[ BY THE WAY IFI PUT IT IN CAPTIOL LETTERS IS TSO TATYOU CAN TELL ITS ME ]
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:44 PM on May. 20, 2010

  • Does he give you any reasons why he doesn't want to be around you and the kids?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:48 PM on May. 20, 2010

  • Stop shutting down and say what you have to say. You don't have to yell or be abusive as you say he is but you do need to have your say. If you keep shutting down and pretend to be nice this will only get worse. And the obvious resentment you have toward him will grow.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:51 PM on May. 20, 2010

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