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DS asked why i dont like him...

DS is 4. we were taking a shower together and he kept making himself fall, hitting his head a few times. I told him to stop and get out of the shower since he was done. as he was getting out, i flicked the back of his head, i was so upset with how he was acting the entire shower time. he started crying and saying "why dont you like me?"

the thing is- i do love him. not so sure if i like him. he's 4 and right now, i have a ton of things going on in my life and i dont feel like i can deal with his demands (his needs are met, but he demands MORE attention) when i also need to focus on my homework and left over work i have to bring home.

once after school is over (finals are coming up), i am taking a break, and my work load wont be as much, which means 95% of my attention will be back on him. but i have the feeling this will happen once school starts up again.

what can i do to change my situation? i'm already in therapy

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:56 PM on May. 20, 2010 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Answers (9)
  • You can't deal with his demands? Maybe you should give him up.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:59 PM on May. 20, 2010

  • hm, ok well first off taking a shower with a 4yo boy is not really something normal (just a heads up on that one). but to get back to the question....
    you need to sit down with him and have a heart to heart. tell him that you have alot on your mind right now and it might make you grumpy sometimes. tell him that you need him to be a good helper and be a big boy to help you while you're trying to get things straightened out. (he can help by being a good boy). also you have to promise him that you will take time out of your day to do something special with him.... if it's reading him a couple of books at bedtime or doing something you both like together. but you have to keep up your end of the deal too. and also explain to him the difference between like and love. sometimes you don't like how he's acting or sometimes you're grumpy, etc. but you'll always LOVE him. that's what i tell my kids and my nephew too lol
    princessbeth79

    Answer by princessbeth79 at 9:04 PM on May. 20, 2010

  • his "demands" is just for me to pay more attention to him. but the thing is, I feel that I do. we spend all morning together. we nap from 1-3, then we spend a hour together, i get ready for school. class is from 6-10, work from 11-7 (third shift, he sleeps). sleep for me, from 7-9 when he wakes up and we do it all over again. but when i need to concentrate on my school work or get the paperwork for work, he keeps trying to grab my attention; play the game with him, read with him, play with him at the park, etc. which is all fine and dandy, but we play together the majority of the day when we're awake.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:05 PM on May. 20, 2010

  • You flicked your own child in the head? That was just meanness. You are too old to be doing something like that to a small child. You have issues. Quit taking them out on him. That's just being a bully
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:18 PM on May. 20, 2010

  • I think he is picking up on ques that you dont even realize you are putting out. I mean, kids can pick up on if mommy is in a bad mood or frustrated, even when we are trying to hide it.

    Try to schedule some special time just for him, take him somewhere he loves for a treat so you can talk to him.

    Even though he is only 4 he has feelings he likes to share. Talk to him and really listen to his answers.

    Us moms are pulled in a million different directions trying to do so many jobs at the same time...job, school, housework, grocery shopping, kids...just remember,,,,the job of raising your son is the most important one in the group and you CAN NOT fail him :)

    Good luck :)
    mom2twobabes

    Answer by mom2twobabes at 9:27 PM on May. 20, 2010

  • i think you need to first off ignore all the anons that are RUDE!


    Second, go hug your boy and tell him that you love him so very very much. as busy as you are, (and i comand you for bettering your self.) you need to make some "special" time for your son. the fact is he is your child and you choose to go to school adn work and be busy. you have to make lots of time for him. kids are very demanding. i have a 20 month old that wants to be right on top of me all the time, nursing and playing. she wants me to look at her all the time and she will teke my face in her hands and pull my face to her! then i look at her and see that she is right. nothing is more important then her. and she will not be this age forever. one day she will grow up and be gone and i will wish for the day when all she wanted was me and my attention. as you get older, things get more complicated. right now he is just in love with you and (cont)
    Preggydyke

    Answer by Preggydyke at 9:30 PM on May. 20, 2010

  • and thinks you rock. you are his everything. give him some time, for just him, doing what he like to do with you. not just anything, but what HE enjoys doing with his momma. my daughter like for me to dance with her or snuggle her and sing to her. live in this moment with him. be grateful that he is all yours and you are getting the chance to be apart of something great. i hope this helps.
    oh and, no more flicking. i mean, how would you feel if someone did that to you. treat him like a peice of precious, fragile gold. you will be glad you did. :) now go hug him tight. you never know what the future holds.
    Preggydyke

    Answer by Preggydyke at 9:35 PM on May. 20, 2010

  • Maybe consider putting him in preschool. Find one that lasts a couple of hours and while he is there, get some of your homework done and that will free up some time for you to do things with him without feeling the pressure of needing to get your other work done.
    khedy

    Answer by khedy at 10:24 AM on May. 21, 2010

  • Did I read that right? Are you really only getting 3 hours of sleep and then a 2 hour nap? That's so bad for you - no wonder you feel stressed! As for his attention, I am a firm believer that kids need to know how to entertain themselves after a certain age and believe me, 4 is plenty old enough! If you can afford to send him to preschool or daycare for even just a couple days a week that would make such a huge difference. I have a big problem with moms these days thinking they need to spend every second of their days entertaining their kids - you are a person too and you deserve to have time alone. My advice for the "why don't you like me" bit, I would ask him why he felt like that. That will give you a start with dealing with it. He probably feels your stress and is acting out because of it. Good luck!
    kameka

    Answer by kameka at 1:38 PM on May. 21, 2010

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