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How do you deal with DH working late?

I feel like it's a constant battle between us. He's in advertising and makes very good money BUT he's always working late and I'm lucky if he's home by 7:30/8pm. He sees our 4 month old daughter for like 5 min, if at all, before she goes to bed. I feel like I'm basically a single mom but he says it's just part of the job. Anyone been in this situation? I feel like I'm starting to resent him because of the fact that I'm parenting 100% on my own M-F.

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Chloesmama10

Asked by Chloesmama10 at 2:17 AM on May. 21, 2010 in Relationships

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Answers (11)
  • Maybe change DD's bedtime to an hour later so he can see her more and you take that hour to do whatever. Don't resent him though. He's just trying to make a good life for his girls. My husband is military and deployed right now, so i know how you feel. but the only thing I hate about it, is that i miss him so much and he's missing out on alot. But I'm not resentful. I'm proud of him. He's a great provider and a wonderful dad when he's here.
    sstokes86

    Answer by sstokes86 at 2:24 AM on May. 21, 2010

  • You know it has always been my understanding that if your the one that stays home with the kids and the hubby is out working they are working there asses off to make a living for you and the children. Don't resent your hubby he is just doing what needs to be done for the bills to get paid and for you and the baby to have the things you all need.
    It could be worst ,My sister has 4 children and her hubby is out of state from Monday morning and he comes back on Friday evening. So look on the bright side of things it could be worst.
    raemommy

    Answer by raemommy at 2:42 AM on May. 21, 2010

  • i wouldnt resent him. he is working and making good money so that its possible for you to raise your daughter instead of a daycare to raise your daughter. it may seem hard but it is so worth it. I like the first woman's suggestion with the bedtime making it an hour later. but this may just be the sacrifice that needs to be made in order to maintain your lifestyle and be there for your daughter. also i would encourage you to make evenings with your husband enjoyable and i think that would help ease these feelings you are having.
    junebug6183

    Answer by junebug6183 at 2:43 AM on May. 21, 2010

  • If my husband isn't done with his work at 5 or shortly after, he goes ahead and come home, eats supper with the family, helps me get the little one into bed at 7 pm and then goes back to work at that point. It's not ideal, but it does allow him to spend family time with me and the kids. I would try to work out a compromise with him on how many nights/week he is going to work late, and/or make one night a "no work late night" where on Tuesdays (or whatever) no matter what he comes home on time.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 8:25 AM on May. 21, 2010

  • you know what, mine is home at 3 pm most days and may sometimes have to go back around 7 to close up shop, but even when hes home he claims he too tired to do much so he here but he's not HERE so i end up doing MOST of the paenting. and then of course he has to have time with the boys! thats another 2 nights a week so yes i understand. you just have to do what you have to do and just be thankful all your bills are paid!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:43 AM on May. 21, 2010

  • I would ask him if he could flex his hours, maybe work late on some nights and come home a bit earlier on others. I also like a pp suggestion about putting your daughter to bed 1hr later-- that way he gets some time with her. What time does he leave in the morning? Would it be possible for him to have some daddy/daughter time in the morning?
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 8:44 AM on May. 21, 2010

  • My husband works a lot too, and it can be frustrating. Sometimes he just doesn't understand what it's like to be alone with a baby for 12 hours straight. By the time he gets home, we're both ready for a break. I just remind myself that he's not having fun all day while working. He's not gone for pleasure. Just have patience...that's all you really can do. Sorry that's not much advice, but just wanted to let you know that someone knows how you feel. :)
    LovingSAHMommy

    Answer by LovingSAHMommy at 9:20 AM on May. 21, 2010

  • I guess I am just so used to Hubby being gone that 7pm doesn't seem all that late to me. For a while he was in school all day long then went straight to work at 3 and didn't get off til midnight or one... and NOW he works graveyards, midnight to 8 am and I work swings 3pm-11pm, so he is sleeping while I am home and then I have to go straight work when he is up. Anyway, I think if he is faithful, honest and working hard it is not fair to resent him for working later into the night! Be grateful he has a job, one that supports you well enough to not need to work too. I really don't see any reason for resentment in there unless he is purposely working late so he doesn't have to help with the baby or something!
    SweetPea05

    Answer by SweetPea05 at 9:53 AM on May. 21, 2010

  • Well imagine how I feel we work opposite schedules through the week all week including Sat and Sun. And I would jump for joy if he was home at 7 mine is home at like 10 1030. So count your blessings after all you guys do have weekends together!!!:)
    melk819

    Answer by melk819 at 9:58 AM on May. 21, 2010

  • I think that is just life these days. It is frustrating and I'm sure you would like to have him home more but try to be thankful that he has a good job and enjoy your weekends. Stop expecting him home any earlier than that so you wont feel let down. Embrace your free time and even get a babysitter or go out to dinner with girl friends during that time so you arent just waiting for him to come home.
    ria7

    Answer by ria7 at 11:01 AM on May. 21, 2010

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