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How to help children grow up?

If you have an older child (say 8-12 years or so), what are they responsible for? What do they do for themselves, and what do you still do for them? What types of chores do they have? What types of freedoms do they have? What types of things do you allow them to do alone, and/or with friends? How much supervision do you give them when they are playing alone or with friends - outside, on the computer, etc? Do they spend a lot of time at friends houses or at your house with friends or with family?

Answer Question

Asked by sarahmae3 at 11:19 AM on May. 21, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 13 (937 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • My dd spends alot of time with her friends.
    She has set boundaries around our house and is free to roam in that area with her firends.
    She has a chore chart in the summer but we are too busy during school for her to get too much done.
    After school she does homework and usually swim team and dinner, bath..we spend xtra time or nights off jsut playing usually.
    We like board games alot.
    She gets herself ready for school and feeds her dogs and cleans off table after dinner.
    In summer she gets an allowance for emptying dishwasher, putting away laundry, feeding dogs, picking up her stuff, making her bed, and dusting.

    She is 8.

    Answer by ria7 at 11:26 AM on May. 21, 2010

  • by age 12... they should be doing their own laundry and cleaning their own rooms, even doing their own bedding.
    Helping with Groceries..bringing them in the house and putting away food
    keeping the yard picked bikes all over the yard type of thing
    taking care of pets
    keeping themselves clean and hair brushed
    all in all just taking care of themselves and their things, learning to help their parents out

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:43 AM on May. 21, 2010

  • ria7 - Does your DD make her own snacks, and/or get her own bfast? Does she pick out her own clothes? Do you have to remind her and help her w/ her homework or does she do it on her own? Does she have any siblings?

    Anonymous - how old are your kids?

    Answer by sarahmae3 at 12:26 PM on May. 21, 2010

  • I have 3 tweens (they all fall into the 8-12 age group), 2 boys and 1 girl. They are responsible for working together with the rest of the family to get things done. They alternate feeding & grooming the indoor animals and are capable of completing barn chores. They often get their own breakfasts or cook together to make breakfast, lunch or dinner for everyone. The 12 yr old uses the riding mower to mow the lawn. They help in the garden, they help with laundry, they help clean house. I don't expect them to do their own laundry by themselves or to cook their own meals for themselves, because I feel that learning to work in a family as a unit fosters a team attitude. They ARE responsible for cleaning their own rooms, but I also have to keep in mind that my idea of clean is not often the same as theirs. I do supervise their room cleaning once a month to make sure things get done.

    Answer by michiganmom116 at 2:04 PM on May. 21, 2010

  • Helping kids grow up requires nothing much: love, affection, a safe place to be themselves and as much food and exercise and rest as they need, a trustworthy live example of mature, responsible adulthood to strive toward.

    It may be surprising, but being able to clean a bedroom (or a bathroom), even doing laundry or planning meals is not the same as growing up. I know a number of people who are over 60 who can manage all that and are still mentally 4 years old. Self-centred, attention-seeking anti-social nutcases who have nice tidy homes, nice superficial relationships, nice clean cars and nice, soul-destroying jobs...

    Children have a deep and inborn desire to mature, master their world and take on the responsibility of their own lives. Pushing them toward it, out of fear that they'll never go unless they're pushed, or that they're lagging or incompetent, creates deep resistance --and ongoing immaturity.


    Answer by LindaClement at 3:57 PM on May. 21, 2010

  • |more

    It has been discovered that it takes about 2 weeks to learn to do all the chores necessary to keep house. In order to avoid the horrors of having to learn something so tremendously difficult because it takes so incredibly long, we routinely advise parents to nag, bribe, threaten, cajole, humiliate and 'make' kids do it all right now, so parents can say 'see, I did that much toward the survival of humanity.'

    Because when a beloved parent dies, the first regret most kids have is that mom or dad didn't make them do enough housework. When a child dies suddenly, parents really miss the junior housekeeping staff more than anything else.

    Being able to be themselves with courage and faith is maturity. Being able to follow orders is not. Discovering how to succeed in the world matters. Alphabetizing a sock drawer does not. The absence of fingerprints or messy beds do not stave off mental illnesses -like OCD. Love might.

    Answer by LindaClement at 4:09 PM on May. 21, 2010

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