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DD is having trouble getting along with her 1/2 siblings, they treat her horribly. What should i do?

She goes to her dads house about 2 nights a week, but she HATES it over there. She never gets along with her brother or sister. Her sister destorys her stuff. She cuts her stuff up, draws with magic marker on all her favorite toys & clothes. This morning DD called me bawling because her brother & sister were telling her that i steal their clothes & throw them away (have no idea where they came up with this...LOL, i would never steal clothes to throw them away) And they also said I am a horrible mother, this really broke her heart. They constanly pick on her & make her feel like crap. She never wants to go over there & her dad gets irritated with me, because i will come get her if she is that unhappy. Her dad said i need to tell her she HAS to stay, but how can i make her stay there when she is miserable? Is there any way we can help her improve her relationship with her brother & sister? Is this normal bro & sis behavior?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:30 PM on May. 21, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (10)
  • OP here;

    Her dad usually ignors it. He never properly repremands them. I feel liek she should not be over there at all, but this could just be protective mommy talking over here. I don't want them to grow up to be strangers either.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:31 PM on May. 21, 2010

  • Could you talk to their mom, o mom and dad together? Let her/them know that you want the kids to be close, but that your daughter is having a hard time with it. Ask if there is anything you can do to make it go more smoothly. I think if you come accross as asking for help and wanting to help rather than criticizing their parenting skills or blaming their kids for everything you will be better received (not saying you are doing this, but sometimes how we word things makes a huge difference).

    I'm assuming the half siblings are younger, and that could be part of the problem. Younger kids demand more attention and also tend to be worse about getting into other people's stuff. Maybe your daughter could try not taking her favorite things over there, and maybe even send her with a peace offering such as coloring books for all the kids with their favorite characters.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:43 PM on May. 21, 2010

  • Just tell her dad that until he is willing to step up and talk to her brother&sister about being mean to her and do something to stop it, your not going to allow her over there. There is no excuse for him to let them treat her like that and not do anything about it. Your daughter deserves better and you know that but its time that he realizes it as well. Good luck and I'm so sour DD and you are having to go through this.
    momluvsmiles

    Answer by momluvsmiles at 12:43 PM on May. 21, 2010

  • Read the book blended families it helped our situation.
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 12:44 PM on May. 21, 2010

  • Depending on your daughter's age, she might be able to help come up with ideas for making the situation more tolerable. Ask her if there is anything she thinks she might be able to do with her sister that would be pleasant for both of them. Could they color together, play with playdough, read, play babries/dolls, or anything else that they might have in common? Remind your daughter that her sister will (hopefully) grow out of this and could be one of her best life-long friends even though it doesn't feel like it now.

    I would keep trying to also ask dad and stepmom if there is anything they can do to help keep your daughter's possessions safe, because having her things destroyed is definitely not going to make the two girls closer. GL!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:49 PM on May. 21, 2010

  • OP HERE;

    Their mom is not in the picture, she gave up custody. I think they might resent the fact that she still has her mom?

    And no, the siblings are older. I used to be their "step mom" but her father kept cheating & i had to leave. I think me leaving was really hard on them though. BUT, being a full time mother at 19 to three kids was not easy for me either. I felt so free after i left him. I was abale to finished school & get a good job. I would not be int he good place i am in had i stayed there & raised them.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:49 PM on May. 21, 2010

  • OP here;

    Dad is single & lives with his mother who is completely insane. It's just a ghetto situation over there...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:51 PM on May. 21, 2010

  • I like the peace gift offering idea....gifts always warm a childs heart.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:53 PM on May. 21, 2010

  • To change it, it will take everyone involved...You stated that you were with the dad and left him...were the other kids living there while you were there? If so, then they may feel that you abandoned them too and are taking it out on your daughter. If you had a relationship with the other kids before you left and now you do not, I would suggest that you spend some time with the other kids.
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 12:54 PM on May. 21, 2010

  • You need to talk to her dad and make it clear that if he doesn't reprimand them, she won't be coming around. She shouldn't have to put up with that. What kind of father doesn't step in, honestly? It will ruin her self-esteem and she won't forget that no-one came to her aid.
    Awakened1

    Answer by Awakened1 at 2:29 PM on May. 21, 2010

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