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Can someone that was abusive in the past change?

both phyisically and emotionally? He seems to have but I'm scared to let my guard down again.... because of him I will never trust a man again

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:03 PM on May. 21, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • did he do anything to change like counseling or anything? or does he just say he magically changed?
    PURPULbutterfly

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 7:06 PM on May. 21, 2010

  • Take it from someone who has been there before. It didn't work, he hadn't changed. (he never even tried though) Be very careful and have him get some counseling and anger management. Maybe it would help if you had a professional (who has worked with people like him) that can tell you whether or not they feel like he is doing well and moving in a new direction. I would definitely take everything slow and have him get help. If he doesn't take it seriously then RUN!! Please be careful though if you don't feel safe then leave. I almost died from not leaving when I should have.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:11 PM on May. 21, 2010

  • i agree with the above posters: unless there was some real work done - anger management, counseling, etc. - don't believe it. if he hasn't done anything other than an appearance of change he's just waiting for you to get comfortable and let your guard down before he gets you with all of it - probably worse than before. trust yourself.
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 7:14 PM on May. 21, 2010

  • If they were not born that way (and I can assure you, they were not), then they CAN change. They just need to want to change and probably seek some professional help.
    babycakes254

    Answer by babycakes254 at 7:16 PM on May. 21, 2010

  • Not without professional counseling. They tend to let that angry part of them lie dormant then when you least expect it rears its ugly head again. THEN, they blame US for "making " them hurt us again. No thanks. I learned my lesson and I wouldn't go back to an abuser. I fell for that bs a bunch of times but I finally got wise. I'd rather be alone than to live in that constant fear he'll hit me again.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 7:25 PM on May. 21, 2010

  • Umm...I think many years in professional therapy and counseling is the only way a person like that can change. If he hasn't done that, then no...I don't think he has changed. People who abuse others have a reason why. Whether they were abused as a child themselves or what, there is a reason why they don't think like everyone else and don't feel that its wrong.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:28 PM on May. 21, 2010

  • No he will only seem to have changed. Then he will go back to his old self.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 7:28 PM on May. 21, 2010

  • Why on Earth would chance it. You'd be walking on egg shells and watching your move because you don't want to upset him. Move on.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:30 PM on May. 21, 2010

  • I suppose there's a "chance" that he's changed but I highly doubt it.

    I agree with admckenzie on this one. My(soon to be) ex husband is emotionally abusive. He doesn't think he is, but he is. He will constantly say that he's going to try harder to not get so angry and he'll try harder to not call me names and belittle me among all of the other things he does and says that would take way too long to get into...he'll never change.

    I've spent over four years of my life believing his promises and believing he's changed or is making an effort. He never actually does anything different.
    No matter what he does or says, it's "my" fault for "making" him angry or pissing him off.

    It's ridiculous.

    Maybe a guy can change. I'm not going to stick around to find out though. There are only so many promises that can be broken before I finally give up.
    Keep your guard up.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:30 PM on May. 21, 2010

  • sadOP here... he didn't do counseling.... his dad used to beat his mom so I assume that is where he got it..... the last month has been good but I think it is because we barely see eachother... I'm so confused, I just don't want to go through all that pain again......

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:31 PM on May. 21, 2010

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