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What would have to happen for you to feel as if you failed as a parent?

There was an earlier question about how would it affect you if you failed as a parent. And a majority of people, including me, stated that the choices of an adult aren't the fault of the parent. However, it made me think... What would make you feel like a failure?? What would your kid have to be or do for you to feel that way?

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SabrinaMBowen

Asked by SabrinaMBowen at 9:14 PM on May. 21, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 40 (122,988 Credits)
Answers (21)
  • If my son turned out to be nothing, I'm not sayin he has to be a doctor or a lawyer, but someone who works hard to make it in life, has respect, goals, but most important confidence and self respect! I think Id feel like a failure if he turned out to be a murder or sumn.
    snjbjac

    Answer by snjbjac at 9:20 PM on May. 21, 2010

  • If my son were to get into trouble with the law as a minor I would think that I didnt do something right. Once he is an adult it's up to him to choose whether or not to live the way he was taught.
    duckigrrl

    Answer by duckigrrl at 9:27 PM on May. 21, 2010

  • i don't think i would ever feel that way. I know that everything i've done for my son as a child would be in his best interest. I do believe once past a certain age they do make their own decisions and its not up to you to try to "fix" them. Kids will either go one way..they will learn from their mistakes after they fail and pick up and become a better person from what they've learned or they will just keep falling. I think if i had a kid that just kept making mistake after mistake i would probably be asking myself "where the hell did i go wrong" but i would know i could do nothing and i would move on until they are ready to make that life change for themself.

    And to answer your question what would they have to do? Anything..making the same mistake over and over again...I can understand making one mistake...but why make the same mistake?
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 9:29 PM on May. 21, 2010

  • I would think I failed as a parent if my girls grew up to be gold digging, bums that expect everyone else to pay their way threw life.
    Raine2007

    Answer by Raine2007 at 9:30 PM on May. 21, 2010

  • I'm a failure if I don't try, I don't love or care. Kids do have free will and have their own path to follow that is not mine. I will make mistakes and I will apologize for most of them. They will make mistakes and I will try to guide them. If they turn out to be crackheads, it won't be because I didn't try to help.
    jeanclaudia

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 9:33 PM on May. 21, 2010

  • If I felt I failed as a parent then I would try a fresh new start!
    MarGeee

    Answer by MarGeee at 9:42 PM on May. 21, 2010

  • My #1 fear on Earth right now is my sons education. He'll turn 18 in October of his senior year. That means that he'll have 6-8 months of going to HS as a legal adult and this terrifies me.... if something doesn't go his way he can drop out, leave, and I'll have no say in it. I'd feel like an ultimate failure then! In the world at that time (he is 5 1/2 now) there is simply no way a human being can be a non paycheck to paycheck success in life.

    I am sooooooo paranoid about that, actually, I am very likely to pull him out of school early to get his GED and begin college ahead of schedule or else make sure he's in all accelerated stuff and has the credits to actually graduate early
    hibbingmom

    Answer by hibbingmom at 9:54 PM on May. 21, 2010

  • If my daughter stabbed and chokes me over a cheeseburger, then i might feel like a failure. Other than that..not much. Kids are humans too. they grow up, and are allowed to make mistakes, whatever they happen to be. I guess as long as she doesnt turn out to be a serial killer I'll figure I did alright.
    Squeakette

    Answer by Squeakette at 10:01 PM on May. 21, 2010

  • I'm not really sure. The way we turn out as adults is a direct result of our childhood and how we were raised so the choices that my children make as adults will determine how I feel as a parent though I understand that as adults my children will make mistakes and learn from them. My only hope is that my children will not repeat my mistakes; and that when it comes to their own mistakes it won't be anything that ruins their lives, I hope I'd have taught them better than to do anything stupid and reckless in their lives.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:31 PM on May. 21, 2010

  • If she was 30, doing drugs, ten kids, drop out, on permanent PA because she won't work, lies, steals, sleeps with everyone, etc... you know...typical low life. No offense to any low lives here. I hope I don't damage her that bad with my parenting! LOL. If it was something like had a baby young, dated a loser, or decided not to attend college though...I think A) everyone makes bad choices sometimes and B) WE all have our own path in life and what we want out of it. So it would need to be extreme for me to feel like a failure.
    ErinHill226

    Answer by ErinHill226 at 12:38 AM on May. 22, 2010

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