Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

should i be mad that my boyfreind of almost 4 years looks at porn?

he's been acting weird and now he looks at porn online on his blackberry when hes not home. should i be mad? it makes me feel super insecure and like im not good enough or that i cant satisfiy him. i have told him this before and he said he would stop looking at it. then he pulled up his brower on his phone and it was there he tried hiding it from me but i saw it and he said wats the big deal
? anyways your input is needed here i need advice.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:41 PM on May. 21, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • Ok...I've been where you are, so I'll say this....have you ever heard the saying "if you look for something you will find it" ? Well there is a lot of truth to that. If he says you are what he wants, try not to hold his indiscretions over his head. He chose you, and if you want to be with him, you have to try to trust him. I know this won't come overnight, but gradually back away from checking his phone and texts and things like that. You're putting yourself under unnecessary stress. If he's doing something, it will eventually come to the light. If you love him, then show him that you trust him, and the rest will fall into place if he truly loves you.
    soldierluvr0407

    Answer by soldierluvr0407 at 10:25 PM on May. 21, 2010

  • I just don't see how watching porn contributes anything positive to a relationship. I would not be happy. At all.
    babycakes254

    Answer by babycakes254 at 9:46 PM on May. 21, 2010

  • Heck yes,he should look at you only and have thoughts of you and him,I feel its disrespectful and makes a woman question her worth. I also think it leads to other moral problems down the road. Sit down and tell him how it makes you feel inside when he chooses to watch that garbage.
    MarGeee

    Answer by MarGeee at 9:46 PM on May. 21, 2010

  • Did he look at porn before you got together or before you said somethin to him about it? Thats one thing I wouldnt expect a guy to change. I just assume they all look at it and try not to let it bother me.
    Aqua_Jen

    Answer by Aqua_Jen at 9:47 PM on May. 21, 2010

  • It really is no big deal...it's not a personal comment on you...you could look like a supermodel and he would still watch porn, men just watch it when they're horny, hell, I do too sometimes, I still think my boyfriend is the hottest thing God ever created!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:47 PM on May. 21, 2010

  • First off, No, you shouldn't be upset. Porn is a good thing. You may be surprised that you like it if you try it.
    Second off, four years in, this can't be a new thing. And if it is then there are some issues you need to worry about, not the porn.
    Third, You are NOT going to change his actions. So either learn to live with it, start looking at it a new way or find a new man!
    SabrinaMBowen

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 9:48 PM on May. 21, 2010

  • Porn is NOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT a good thing! It DESTROYS relationships! If he isn't fulfilled enough by your relationship, then he has ISSUES. I would be FURIOUS!
    RutterMama

    Answer by RutterMama at 9:53 PM on May. 21, 2010

  • I've never had an issue with porn. Although the fact that your SO is looking at it while away from home seems odd to me, it's also affecting his behavior and he promised you that he'd stop so in your case I think you have every reason to be mad. So I don't think you should be upset by the porn itself but by his behavior. I've always told my boyfriend I don't care if he watches porn so long as I'm satisfied; if he ever started watching porn all the time or started preferring porn to being with me we'd have problems.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:56 PM on May. 21, 2010

  • Yes. You should be mad and hurt. You should be even more mad and hurt that he lied (said he wouldn't do it any more and did).

    The really sad part about all of this is that you are so insecure that you are having to ask us if you even have the right to be mad that your BF is looking at strange women for sexual arrousal.

    My advice is that this guy is a jerk and will always be a jerk. You aren't married, so get out now before you waste any more time with a man that doesn't respect you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:59 PM on May. 21, 2010

  • No, don't be mad....do you know why he watches it? A lot of men watch it to find ideas for things to do in the bedroom....or maybe there are some things he sees that he wants to ask you to do, but he is afraid to, so he just watches to fantasize. It doesn't mean he wants those women, or that he doesn't love you. You don't want to mess up a great relationship over something like this, especially if he hasn't given you any other reason to feel like he's doing something wrong.
    soldierluvr0407

    Answer by soldierluvr0407 at 10:16 PM on May. 21, 2010