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Has anyone every had to make the decision to put their child in a residential home?

My son is 17. He is autistic. His aggression is much more than I can handle right now. I'm looking for someone who understands so please, if you have something snide to say, please keep it to yourself. I feel guilty enough as it is, thanks.


Asked by duckigrrl at 11:14 PM on May. 21, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Level 22 (14,298 Credits)
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Answers (10)
  • I have not, but I have worked for several group home and residential programs. My Dh has and still works in residential facilities as well.
    It is a hard decision and I can only imagine how conflicted you are. I know I would be, but I also know I would do it if I had to.

    Be as involved as you want to, you can visit all the time, you can likely take your child home for visits as often as you want to. Try to get involved on the Board or some other governing body so that you can have more say in what happens with your child and you'll be more aware of what does happen,.

    Answer by WillDoDa at 9:36 AM on May. 22, 2010

  • I'm not being judgemental at all here cuz I understand what you are saying, but please don't do it! The care in those places is not good and they could neglect your son. It's not a good place to put your child! Please try therapy, counselors or maybe a home caregiver who could give you some relief. PLease dont put him in a home please!

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:22 PM on May. 21, 2010

  • Oh wow. I'm sorry I have no idea. But GL and I hope you get the advice that you need.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:22 PM on May. 21, 2010

  • i personally haven't but I have known people who had to. It is a very hard thing to consider and even harder to follow through with. But you have to do what is best for your child and your family. I wish you the best in this hard time.


    Answer by BlooBird at 11:23 PM on May. 21, 2010

  • My cousin had to .... for her safety. But she visists him REGULARLY.


    Answer by Anonymous at 11:50 PM on May. 21, 2010

  • I haven't - but my late mother used to work in a residential centre for teens and young adults with intellectual disabilities. The kids were well cared for and the staff were like a family for the kids. It was a wonderful place and a fantastic relief for families to know their children were looked after well and happy. The name of the centre probably won't be helpful to you since we are in Australia.

    If you need to do this, then make sure you look carefully at the situation. Ask lots of questions and even try turning up to do a check on the place more than once without warning if you can just to be sure that the care provided is equal to what they tell you. Best of luck finding a wonderful placement for your son.

    Answer by Manth at 7:23 AM on May. 22, 2010

  • My neice had to put her son in a resident school for ADDHD kids. She could no longer handle him. He was becoming dangerous to her other son and themselves. She had to put a monitor on his bedroom door so she would know when he was about in the house. All the sharp objects had to be hid. It was the best thing she did for him. He finished high school 1 year early. It equipped him more for living on his own. Although, he still has ADDHD and the many problems that go with it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:59 AM on May. 22, 2010

  • I've never been through this personally, but I used to work in admitting for an agency that provided residential services for individuals like your son. I know it's hard, and you are feeling very conflicted. Just know that if you get your son into a good program it will be the best thing for your family. He will learn independence skills, and he may even act out less because he is able to have more control over his life. Make sure the program you enroll him in has support independence goals. Stay involved, and advocate for him at every turn. Just because you are getting him into a program doesn't mean that you stop being his mother, he'll still need you and you'll still be able to love and care for him - I know it can feel like you're signing your child away, but it doesn't have to be like that. You can still be an active supportive force in his life.

    Answer by beckcorc at 8:40 AM on May. 22, 2010

  • Some of you hit the nail right on the head --it's a really tough decision to make. As the stay at home parent I deal with him the lion's share of the time, and hubby, although he's dealt with the aggressive / self injurious behavior, hasnt really been through a lot of it so he's still hanging back on this decision, although he's coming around. Like I've told him, there is no way I'd just abandon him to a home. I'll be there as much as I can. And I do want to bring him home for visits. I cried all last night and still am upset today but for his safety as well as ours, right now I dont see that we have a choice. Thank you all for your advice.

    Answer by duckigrrl at 10:07 AM on May. 22, 2010

  • As of now, I haven't but that doesn't mean I'll never have to. I have two autistic boys. If it is the best thing for now, and if you have to do it, take comfort in the fact that you are making the best decision you can. I understand that sometimes this is the only option when it comes to the issue of safety. As the above poster said just keep in touch as much as you can, it will help you feel better about the situation too. God Bless.

    Answer by tiger123 at 10:10 AM on May. 22, 2010