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how to tell my son whos 18 and dont listen to anyone hes addicted to pot that he either gets help or moves out ?

im so tired of the dealing with this i am not the confrontational type i dont know how i can stand up to him with out starting a fight he keeps telling he going to move out when he has a job and money i like to know when thats happening probily never he dropped out school no ambition to get g.e.d or go back to school i helped him buy a car last week bc he said he was going to use to look for work he cant even get out of bed. i blame myself for most part of it bc i let him do whatever he wanted. hes gone to court as a juvy bc of this now he has to go again this time hes an adult he might just end up in jail and no mother wants to see their child in jail maybe hell learn that way i dont know

 
katie9196

Asked by katie9196 at 7:22 AM on May. 22, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

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This question is closed.
Answers (18)
  • I think that the best thing you can do in this situation is just be blunt and firm on this. He needs to know that you mean business. As your son, he's probably thinking that there's no way his mother will put him out of the house, which is why he continues to do what he's doing. He needs an eye opener. I have seen times before with younger family members of mine and I have learned that the best course of action is to turn into the "mean person". You may feel like your doing something wrong, but your not.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:45 AM on May. 22, 2010

  • Hmm, well pot is not addicting, i can say that from a medical point of view. You know sometimes its better to seek out why rather than criticize for your childs actions.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:34 AM on May. 22, 2010

  • You need to hand him a lease for his room, with whatever stipulations you feel are necessary. You must be willing to evict him, if he does not hold up his end.


    This post may be useful to you: http://www.cafemom.com/group/1196/forums/read/11427631/Lease_presentation_LOL

    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 7:41 AM on May. 22, 2010

  • sadly, this was my ex as a kid... he also said it isn't addicting, but now he is 24, we're divorced, and he STILL can't stop. he is NOT happy. you need to think of his future for him. if you allow him to do this in your home, then you're just enabling him... as well, YOU could get into trouble, because he is (i'm assuming) doing this in your home.
    gracefulsky

    Answer by gracefulsky at 7:43 AM on May. 22, 2010

  • I agree 100% with anon:45. The sooner you can be firm and give him his ultimatum (and YOU STICK TO IT), the sooner he will be able to learn what ever it is he needs to learn.
    My son was smoking a lot between 15-17. I called the cops to my house 3 days before his 18th birthday, because he never believed I would "turn him in". They did nothing by the way, just talked to him. I saw no evidence of pot after that, and his attitude started to change....he was probably still smoking a little, but not when/where I could figure it out. About a month later, he had found a nice girlfriend and she would have none of that smoking business.... That was almost 1 year and a half ago. He's been working and taking online classes, filling out college applications....pretty much a different kid.
    Good luck to you.
    kjrn79

    Answer by kjrn79 at 8:11 AM on May. 22, 2010

  • Dont waste time 'wondering'. Just do it. You're an adult..so is he...make it clear that you expect more out of him...and use a deadline...doesnt have to be a fight...if he wants that lifestyle..then he can go elsewhere to live it...it's that simple:)...that's why kids are supposed to move on....so their parents can't 'see' their lifestyle, and how they do things. Where's his dad? Get him in on it if at all possible. ...Keep it simple...dont get drawn into fights, arguments and defending your stance....you're the boss...say what you want and need...and tell him what the consequences are,,,,trust me...mama's can make their kids(adult) miserable ..so that they WANT to move out:)
    reddmarie

    Answer by reddmarie at 8:38 AM on May. 22, 2010

  • Unfortunately, because you've stated you are not confrontational, and you enable him to do as he pleases, you are not going to be able to "wish" him into doing anything! All you CAN do, is STOP buying him anything and everything--food, clothing, CARS, or giving him spending money (which he spends on pot), gas money, etc. Not having money will FORCE him to get a job!

    If you want things to change, you WILL need to grow a backbone! You WILL need to lay down the law, and stick with it! Your son is 18, if you've never demanded anything from him before, don't expect him to magically change on his own! Disciplining your children and establishing boundaries begins the day you bring them home from the hospital!

    However, your son lives under YOUR roof. He's 18. You're no longer obligated to provide for him. You can make him move out, and let him figure out his life. YOU need to decide what you are willing to put up with, and do that.
    LoriKeet

    Answer by LoriKeet at 8:42 AM on May. 22, 2010

  • hmm..I just re-read your 'question'....this sounds a bit more serious...you've got a pothead situation....do you have someone who will support you in laying down the law? Not necessarily someone who is physically there...but a friend or family on the sidelines, who you can go 'vent' to...as it gets tougher...if you make new 'living rules'...he's gonna test you...DEADLINES are the best....and dont make it about the 'pot'...make it about him being an adult....and be willing to follow through....start with the 'getting up'...the getting a job...tell him 30 days....get radical...he needs a wake up call...go watch Dr Phil or something...he's 18...he can change and learn:) We teach people how to treat us....that works both positive and negative....you will have to be strong, though..and have friends or fam that you can confide in....and that support you without trying to tell you how to run the situation.
    reddmarie

    Answer by reddmarie at 8:42 AM on May. 22, 2010

  • He is 18 and he should be perfectly capable of supporting himself. I would tell him (and mean it and follow through) that if the is going to smoke pot he will have to do it in his own house because it is not allowed in yours. You are just going to have to put your foot down or else you are going to be living like this (and probably worse) for quite awhile. It seems that you realize that you are reaping the seeds you have sown. Which is a good starting point.

    Oh, and for the record, pot is addictive. There are withrdrawal symptoms from it that are similar to smoking cessation. It may not be a "hardcore" drug, but it is addictive.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:11 AM on May. 22, 2010

  • pot isnt addicting?Only addicts say that ;)

    Just do it.The sooner its out the better you will feel.MANY MANY MANY people I know smoke pot.My father is one of them and has been smoking since he was 10.If he doesn't smoke he gets sick.He has tried so many times to "quit" My friends in high school have never grown up.Still losers sitting on mamas sofa smokin blunts like they did in the 9th grade.If they did move out they ended up right back at home.pot is addicting I dont care what any STUDY says. BUT the people I see smoking are the ones suffering from depression.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:12 AM on May. 22, 2010