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I feel like the worst mother in the world.

I have a four year old son. I keep him in nice clothes,feed him healthy foods, buy him nice toys, My husband and I give him hugs and kisses all of the time. We love him very much. That being said, he's a handful. He talks back, hits,punches and yells at other people all of the time. I've tried reprimanding him,putting him into time out,taking away his favortie toys, canceling special trips to the zoo, the wiggles playstation,etc.,spankings,reward charts,etc. Nothing works. Lately this past year, he opens the door and he leaves without telling anybody. He has done this four times. I keep on buying a lock and putting it higher everytime so that he can't reach it,but he's so tall that when he stands on a toy, he can unlock it. He did this this morning when we were asleep at about six in the morning. He was down the street at the laundromat. I can't stop crying. I hate this. I need help. What do I do? Do I send him to my mom's?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:46 AM on May. 22, 2010 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Answers (13)
  • First, some kids are just more difficult when it comes to things like this than others. Second, you do not need to send him to your Mom - honestly, there's not much that she can do that you can't do, and if she knows of something that you aren't doing, then she should be telling you, so you know it, too. Finally, look at this site http://nservices.com/door.htm.  Scroll down past all the fake alarm window decals and stuff, and you'll see these alarms that you can get for your doors and windows.  You put them on the door, you turn them on, then, when the door is opened, it sets off this really loud alarm.  It will wake you up so you know your ds is trying to leave, and, frankly, it will scare him and help teach him NOT to do this! 


    Good luck!

    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 10:52 AM on May. 22, 2010

  • No don't send him to your moms. You and your dh need to take him to a child psychologist. It sounds like you've tried everything you can think of. I think a professional might be able to give you some ideas. Don't get family involved, it tends to make the situation worse. (you really don't want everyone in your business do you? Because believe me when it comes to parenting they'll all come out of the wood work to give you their opinions).
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:52 AM on May. 22, 2010

  • my sis had has discipline issues w her 8yo son for the longest time. i was his 2nd grade teacher. that said, he was recently tested and diagnosed with high functioning moderate autism
    Vero0724

    Answer by Vero0724 at 10:54 AM on May. 22, 2010

  • What a lovely thing to wake up too, and since you tried the normal displine route and it didnt work, my suggestion is for his yelling at others you go down to his level when he does it and in a firm voice that HE IS NOT ALLOWED to speak to anyone like that and you are disappointed in him, then hold him by the hand and ignore what he says this shows him and others that you have said its not right and that you still are there for him by holding his hand, this also goes for his talking back to you when he has quited down get back to his level tell him again how to speak to whomever ex when you speak to Mommy in a polite voice I can hear you really good when you yell in an angry voice its too loud and I cant understand you, (i found with my DD if i did that real quiet she listened better) then you ask for an apology if he snaps sorry dont accept it tell him you want a sincere one then give a loving hug and drop it . GL
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:55 AM on May. 22, 2010

  • Put an alarm on the door..They are like 10 bucks.That way YOU know when he opens the door...AND a safety door knob on the door handle.
    ryanlynn

    Answer by ryanlynn at 10:55 AM on May. 22, 2010

  • First... why would you send him to your moms? second you need to be consistant and stern with him. Tell him what can happen if he does this. It may sound harsh but scare the hell out of him so he stops leaving the house. My aunt told her daughter everytime they went to the mall or something that if she ran away from her then someone would get her, do bad things and she would never get to see her mommy again. I thought it was really harsh when she told me this but she is now 12 year old and said that it really worked, she never want to run away and she never did. There are things you can also buy to put on the door knob too. If you dont think anythign is going to work there are dead bolts that only open with a key from the inside and outside. Get that and dont let him see where you put the key.
    Amanda7891

    Answer by Amanda7891 at 10:56 AM on May. 22, 2010

  • Oh and YOU ARE NOT THE WORST MOTHER IN THE WORLD. YOU LOVE AND CARE FOR YOUR CHILD. YOU WANT THE BEST FOR HIM AND YOU DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO. EVERYONE HAS TROUBLE WITH THEIR KIDS, THEY WOULD BE LYING IF THEY SAY OTHERWISE!
    Amanda7891

    Answer by Amanda7891 at 11:02 AM on May. 22, 2010

  • I'm sorry hun. Maybe you should take him to a child study center and see if there is some sort of underlying cause for this behavior. Perhaps some sort of therapy would help him. I have two boys 5 and 2. They are certainly a handfull. I totally know what you are talking about. My oldest went out the door one day without permission. After I explained to him what kidnapping is, he has been afraid to go out the door without us. I felt kind of bad for scaring him, but it was effective. I was just trying to be honest with him anyway so he would understand why he was getting in trouble. Anyway...this sounds really scary and Im sorry you're going through this. I thinkt he alarm is a great idea!
    lowencope

    Answer by lowencope at 11:06 AM on May. 22, 2010

  • You are NOT the worst mother in the world. Sounds like you are dealing with MORE than just an undisciplined child. I would seek the help of professionals to rule out things so that you know whats going on with him.

    Start with your family Dr. and ask for a referral to a specialist who can help figure out what is going on inside his brain. He may not be able to help this behavior, it may be neurological.

    Now I am not saying FOR SURE, I do not know this child, but this seems severe to me. If you can find out what is going on, you will be able to help him and you guys soooo much :)
    mom2twobabes

    Answer by mom2twobabes at 11:08 AM on May. 22, 2010

  • Amanda is right, the deadbolt thing works great. My mother has on on her door, and she took the key out everynight. Just remember where you put it in case there is a fire. Kiwi snuck out once, when she was 4 last summer. She woke up at my mother's house, went to the backyard and started playing on the swingset (this was before she got the deadbolt). We were brutally honest with Kiwi on what could happen, we didn't hold back and we used what she calls "mean mommy voice" which is just the firm, no-nonsense voice. We told her someone could have taken her, just picked up up and took her away. Some hurt the kids, some kill them, some keep them forever. She could have fallen off the slide, or flipped off the swing and hit her head, and laid there bleeding for all morning until someone realized she was gone. An animal could have came, killed her and drug her body to the woods. She cried, but she never went outside alone again.
    Kiwismommy19

    Answer by Kiwismommy19 at 11:10 AM on May. 22, 2010

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