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"grandpa"

My MIL has been dating a guy for about 3-4 years off and on now. He's a drunk. and right now he's too the point where he is killing himself by drinking. He keeps saying he is quitting and he will stay sober for a few months then he goes right back. He breaks up with my MIL about 3 times a year then comes crawling back. (why is she putting up with him?? I have no idea!) but anyways... he keeps calling himself grandpa to my baby. I told my MIL point blank that he is NOT to be around my baby if he's drinking, she siad that wasn't fair because she's seen dh drink beer with her. TOTALLY different! One beer vs. a bottle of gin (what her bf drinks). She keeps saying he wants to be in her life, but I told her not until he can prove that he is ready to be a gpa. It's not fair to my baby. I don't want her to get attached to him then he drink himself to death when she's like 4 and have to deal with that. (con't)...

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:03 AM on May. 22, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (6)
  • and have to deal with the he's here he's not here bs. DD really does not like him though. She's 5 months old and generally a very happy baby who will go to anyone with smiles. But if he even touches her she cries. He tried to hold her the other day and she started screaming before he even picked her up! he said right now he's working on getting sober and he promises that if something happens this time he will go get professional help. I don't know though.. I just don't trust him and I don't want him around my baby until I know that he has changed. Am I being to hard? I'm just trying to protect dd.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:05 AM on May. 22, 2010

  • I think you're doing just fine with this one, you even said you wanted him to prove he would stay sober before he was allowed in your DD's life, I agree with that personally. Stick to your guns, protect your child just like you have been, you're handling it better than most people would.
    heratyc

    Answer by heratyc at 11:17 AM on May. 22, 2010

  • There is more going on than "just trying to protect dd". Make it just about your dd and tell your mom you will no longer come to her home unless he is not there. She is welcome to come to your home without him. That settles the problem. Don't discuss it (1 beer vs 1 bottle of gin) or try to tell her she should not be with him.

    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 11:17 AM on May. 22, 2010

  • I had the same problem with my brother and daughter. He is 23, and has a terrible temper, breaking things, yelling, scaring everyone around him, and I just didn't want my daughter to be around that. For a while, he was living with my mom until he got arrested again, and I just told her, while he was there, Kiwi wouldn't be. She was hurt that I didn't think she would keep Kiwi safe, but I wasn't going to put my child in harms way just to save her and his feelings. While he's safely in jail, I have no problem with Kiwi being there and being overnight, but when he gets back out and goes back to Mom's, Kiwi won't be there unless I am too. It's perfectly fine to limit the people your kids are with. If you MIL wants to see your kid, she can come alone to your home.
    Kiwismommy19

    Answer by Kiwismommy19 at 12:28 PM on May. 22, 2010

  • OK one how is he with your child? Two can you try and help him? Maybe tell him look I want you in my child's life I can see that you love her but you need to be clean and stay clean!!! That is what my mother did with my grandpa. When she found out she was pregnant with me he was doing drugs. She sat him down (he was her step dad) and told him how she felt. You know what he did? WENT TO REHAB!!! He was out by time I was born and was the best grandpa in the world. He really was. He yelled at me(that I can remember) twice in 18 years. Unfortunately it only lasted 18 years and he got back into drugs and died from a heart attack. But if my mom never said that to him then he may not have ever went to rehab!

    delilahsmom1177

    Answer by delilahsmom1177 at 1:04 PM on May. 22, 2010

  • Yeah I would not be cool with the title of grandpa either. He's NOT a grandpa, and he does sound like a lush. I don't think you are over reacting at all.

    KairisMama

    Answer by KairisMama at 3:16 PM on May. 22, 2010

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