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What types of responsibilities and freedoms do your kids have?

At this age, what types of things are your children responsible for? What do they do for themselves, and what do you still do for them? What types of chores do they have? What types of freedoms do they have? What types of things do you allow them to do alone, and/or with friends? How much supervision do you give them when they are playing alone or with friends - outside, on the computer, etc? Do they spend a lot of time at friends houses or at your house with friends or with family?

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Asked by Anonymous at 11:34 AM on May. 22, 2010 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (7)
  • We didn't use the same vocabulary. I am a single disabled mother and I have 3 sons, now adults. We homeschooled and when they were tweens and teens I was a full time doctoral student. Since I was disabled and a single mother (usually in a wheelchair) we qualified for a free homemaker that came to our house and did the big house cleaning once a week.

    The boys did their own laundry from the time they were tall enough to do it. We didn't have "chores", everyone just did what needed to be done. Often I went with - first, then. First clean up the living room, then we will go to baseball practice. The freedoms they had depended on the child. I used an authoritative (non-punishment) form of childrearing. My kids were very well behaved and I didn't have any problems with them.


    Answer by Gailll at 11:51 AM on May. 22, 2010

  • My oldest son didn't follow my advice several times and things turned out not so good. For example, when he was 16 I let him drive the family station wagon to a campout (it was worth about $500) and told him to leave it in the scout camp parking lot. He decided to drive it around the scout camp and hit 2 trees, damaging one door so bad it couldn't open. He would have liked to have been grounded (something I never did) because my logical consequence was he could never drive to campouts in a car I owned again. His brothers learned from his mistakes.

    When my kids were tweens I had them have friends come to our house and I would be there. They could go outside. We would take friends camping. They had a lot of freedom when we camped. They could use the computer with no supervision.


    Answer by Gailll at 12:02 PM on May. 22, 2010

  • My dd is 10 and is responsible for taking care of her own basic needs such as showering, drying her hair, getting dressed in the morning, including picking out her clothes,etc. She makes her own breakfast and often cooks her own lunch too (simple items). As far as chores she is in charge of keeping her room clean and she helps with laundry, dishes, vacuuming, dusting whenever she is asked, though she rarely volunteers! Lol As far as freedoms; She has a lot of friends in our neighborhood who she plays with often. She is allowed to ride her bike within a 2 block range and go to those friends house and play, or bring them back to our house to play. If they are at our house I can hear them in the backyard but I don't sit outside with them. When she goes to friends houses the rules are that she can't be there without a parent and I give her a time limit to come check in with me, which is usually about every hour or two.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:24 AM on May. 23, 2010

  • cont'd from above.....

    I'd say in the summertime she spends about 50% of her time playing with friends at our house or theirs. The other time she spends doing activities such as tennis, gymnastics, etc. and then of course time with family. We own a camper/boat that stays at the lake all spring/summer/fall and we go there every weekend from Memorial day to Labor day. There she has the freedom to ride her bike all around, go the playground as long as she's not alone, go to the concession stand, etc. The only rule is that she always has to use the buddy system and often she is with her 12 yr old stepsister. I give her a lot of freedom but she has earned it. She rarely gets in trouble, listens well and is respectful. The few times she has broken the rules she has gotten punished and hopefully learned from her mistakes.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:27 AM on May. 23, 2010

  • My daughter has her own laptop but is only allowed to go to 5 sites that I have approved and put into her "favorites". She is not allowed to "surf" and I know all of her passwords so I can check on her if needed. Her computer desk is visible from the hallway so at anytime I can walk by her room and look at the computer screen to see what she is doing. Also she has a facebook account which I monitor. She is not allowed to add friends unless I approve of them and I am one of her friends too so I can always see what she is doing. As she gets older I will probably get a little more relaxed on this but she's only in 5th grade so I think it's appropriate for now. She wants a cell phone but I told her she must wait until Junior High for that.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:30 AM on May. 23, 2010

  • My kids clean their rooms, wash dishes and take out the trash. If they do their chores they get to go to friend's house for a certain time. They can use the computer for 45mins and that's it. They go to their friend's or the friend's come here. Freedoms: going to the library for a few hours, to the mall with friends's and a parent or movie theater. I keep an eye on them alot.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:05 AM on May. 26, 2010

  • My oldest will be 10 at the end of June and she's responsible for all upkeep that has to do with her (cleaning her room, doing her own laundry, cleaning up messes she makes, etc). She hates it. She thinks I should do it all for her because she's lazy. Basically she wants a maid, not a mother and has told me as much. She thinks I hate her because I make her clean up after herself. I expect the same from her 8 1/2yo brother and 7 1/2yo sister and almost the same things from her 4yo sister.
    In return she is allowed to play outside unsupervised, can watch whatever she wants on TV (she's watching Dr. Who right now) and play on the computer unsupervised (if she's been behaving which is never so it's a rare thing).

    Answer by justanotherjen at 4:29 PM on May. 30, 2010

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