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I really need your advice. What should I do? Reposted so some of the day people would respond.

I'm having trouble. Can you relate to this?

I'm having a mid life crisis. I know what it is. I am 41. I am done having kids. (I don't want to be done.) My health is shot. I have a crappy job and an alcoholic husband. Financially am ok, but not great. My kids are almost adults. I am PISSED. I feel like my babies grew up overnight. I feel like I got screwed out of a life. (Not a different life, just that it went too damn fast.)
I am really depressed about it. What can I do? Unfortunately life doesn't have a pause or rewind button like my DVR. :( Wouldn't that be nice?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:50 AM on May. 22, 2010 in Just for Fun

Answers (14)
  • OP:I like my husband when he isn't drinking. I am not enabling him. I don't buy him drinks, drink with him, condone his drinking, excuse it or cover it up.
    When he isn't drinking, he is fun, full of life, loving, funny, a good provider. This isn't about him. It is about me. I am seriously depressed with my own self.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:51 AM on May. 22, 2010

  • You are 41...you are talking like you are 91. If you LET your life be over, it will be. If you get up and create the life you want, then it is JUST THE BEGINNING!

    If you want more children, think about adoption or foster care. Find a new job...find a purpose that suits you.

    CHANGE IT UP GIRL! Dont keep doing the same old things that you are not happy with.

    TODAY IS THE FIRST DAY OF THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

    Sounds like you have regrets about the past, you can NOT help that...but what you can do is stop yourself from having regrets about what you do today and tomorrow.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:54 AM on May. 22, 2010

  • Divorce the husband if he doesn't go to AA. AA will change his life if he chooses the change. Start doing things that you want to do. Having grown kids is great cuz you are not tied down to them anymore. It's time for you to start having fun. You don't have to pay a babysitter anymore. Isn't that something to celebrate? You are really not looking at any of the positives in your life right now. Sad.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:55 AM on May. 22, 2010

  • Go back to school. Have a career instead of a job. Find your passion.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 12:03 PM on May. 22, 2010

  • GIRL THAT WAS FUNNY WHAT U WROTE ! BUT I LOVE U ANY WAY !
    lightbulbe

    Answer by lightbulbe at 12:05 PM on May. 22, 2010

  • Look at it the way my mom does (she is halfway through empty nesting- my youngest brother only comes home on weekends and college breaks now) She can finally do what she wants with her free time. She's taken up actively painting again. She's going back to school for her Master's. She and my dad are (finally) looking at owning a house. All because her kids are moving out/gone and we all have our own lives. She took it as a chance to have her life the way she wants it. The bad job- well that's why my mom is getting her Master's- she wants to become a counselor. The husband- I'm with PP; he needs an ultimatum- AA or you take a break from him for a while. Alcoholism will kill him eventually if he doesn't break the cycle. Do something fun for yourself this summer. Take a pottery class, or go to some poetry readings, or start a book group, whatever you want to do to break up the routine.
    preacherskid

    Answer by preacherskid at 12:07 PM on May. 22, 2010

  • You don't want kids especially at 41. I think every women goes through that I want kids again thing ( I did and still do from time to time). You are not old but now is your time to shine go have fun. Do the things that you weren't able to do when your kids were young, kick the husband to the curb, ( at his age he will never change cuz its to late). You are not the only one who has had regrets EVERYBODY DOSE. I believe our mistakes make us who we are. Get out there and LIVE. Everything will be ok. If you believe in God ask for his help. Take care.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:09 PM on May. 22, 2010

  • I'm 54 and I started a doctoral program when I was older than you. I have been single for over 20 years and I love being single. My health has been so bad for 22 years (since I was pregnant with my youngest) that I am disabled and can't work. I live on SSI of $675 a month. Since my 3 children are now all adults I no longer get child support. I have a special needs 20 mo grandson I take care of about 60 hours a week.


    Leave your husband. I think going back to school may be a good idea. Do something you want to do. Go to the doctor and get some antidepressants. Learn coping skills for depression. Meditation works well for me.

    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 12:11 PM on May. 22, 2010

  • It sound like you've spent your life taking care of your family and now they don't need to be taken care of anymore. I think most woman go through a stage like that. I remember my mom going through it. Luckily my mom also had a close friend going through the same thing and they helped each other through it. Here's the deal. You don't want to waste to much time being depressed because this is your free time when you could really get into a hobby and explore your own interests. Reconnect with old friends that you might have lost contact with while you were both busy raising kids and didn't have time to keep in touch. Depending on your kids, you should do it quick because you'll end up with your arms filled with Grand babies before you know it.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:14 PM on May. 22, 2010

  • Isn't this called the empty nest syndrome or some such thing? Are there any empty nest groups you can get involved in?

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:17 PM on May. 22, 2010

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