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Why should I take on all the responsibilites of a house"wife" if I'm not getting any of the perks?

Ok, so I'm not married to the father of my children. We've been together over a decade though. We just got in a fight about housework, bills, ect. My SO controls the finances but expects me to pay the bills, though I don't know how much we have in the acct at the particular time. He also expects the normal things like a clean house and dinner made when he gets home. I used to do it, but honestly I'm tired of it. Why should I pay bills when I don't know if we have the money to do it? I can't call any of the places to even make arrangements for pymt since we're not married. And as for the housework and dinner... I'm done. Why should I take on all the responsibilities and work of a housewife if I'm not getting any of the perks? I don't have health insurance so I haven't been to a Dr. in over 2 yrs. I have no retirement finances since I've been a SAHM. I'm just getting to the point of frustration with everything...

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Asked by Anonymous at 6:59 PM on May. 22, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • I agree with you. I know I was better off by leaving a relationship like that. I'm much happier and I'm in control of my life and finances

    Answer by admckenzie at 7:07 PM on May. 22, 2010

  • It sounds to me like you've answered your own ?, time to make him put a ring on it. As a SAHM, who's expected to handle these details you need to have access to these accounts, although many will let him add you w/out being married. Explain to SO that you have put in the time, energy & effort & deserve the "perks" that come from allowing him to live another day lol. Explain to him what you are missing out on & how this will make your relationship stronger & your family more financially stable. GL

    Answer by Nyx7 at 7:08 PM on May. 22, 2010

  • I'm not ready to leave the relationship over this though. I'm not willing to tear my family apart just because of this. Its just becoming pretty stressful and obnoxious. I tried mentioning it to him but he just doesn't "get it".

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:10 PM on May. 22, 2010

  • Maybe you should let him take care of everything. Why doesn't he want to get married?

    Answer by MomMom23 at 7:31 PM on May. 22, 2010

  • And this is what happens when you play house like a child...

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:37 PM on May. 22, 2010

  • Your family is already being torn up over this. Fix it or move on. It won;t get better. And IMO getting married isn't the answer either. Any man who keeps household money from you is not worth your time and is a prelude to much worse.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:43 PM on May. 22, 2010

  • I said fck it and went out and got a job I also went back to school and I am starting my own business. I would take up for myself if I were you then you will have more say in the relationship. GL Momma

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 8:00 PM on May. 22, 2010

  • You need to sit him down and tell him "I don't feel secure knowing that we aren't married and I don't have access to our money. If you die I will be in a mess. Its time we come upon a legal agreement to protect everyone in our family"

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:00 PM on May. 22, 2010

  • Look you need a man that will be there for you and not for himself. My guy is not like that we sometime fix dinner together and he does tell me whats going on with the bills and cleaning house he does it it is a team work. I know how you feel you feel used a welcome mat to be stepped on Playing house can only go for so long then he needs to make a commitmentand if he is not wanting to then you need  move out for a while till he knows that he is no good with out you. thats when guys wake up and change.

    Good luck


    Answer by Anonymous at 8:08 PM on May. 22, 2010

  • he has all the power and all the money!! why should he change anything?? thats what happens when u play at being an adult and have children without regard for the longterm future of all of u. i agree with the pp who said it wont help to b married now. some men do the same thing to their wives when they go along with everything they want with as u did. he doesnt respect u and he hasnt for a long time u acepted this as the arrangement. it used to b called y should the guy buy the cow when he gets all the milk for free. im sorry but u need to c that this is him and what u hv agreed to. u have already given in to the way he wants it to be! he needs to make a commitment or u need to move on. nothing will change because u gave it all up by moving in and doing it all without him taking the responsibility for all the perks u gave him. sorry but thats how it is with some guys.u walked into it. get a job and move on. gl

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:32 PM on May. 22, 2010

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