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Insensitive In-Laws

Okay, so here is the issue. DF and I each have a child from before our relationship. He has a 12 yr old girl and I have an 11 yr old boy. We have been together for almost 6 years. We also have a 2 yr old together. DF's family (3 sisters and single mother) have all spoiled his DD beyond belief over the years. But besides that, they always take her on vacation etc. Up until now, it has bothered me, but I kept fairly quiet. But now that my son is older, he is starting to be vocal about how it hurts him. Last weekend DF's sister and her husband took his mother to an ocean resort and ofcourse they took his DD. Well, as they drove away, my son came downstairs and watched them drive away and told me that he had wanted to go with them. I told him that maybe they didn't think he'd like it or maybe they didn't know he'd want to go....trying to ease his hurt, and he retorted "yeah, well they didn't even ask me if I wanted to go or not"

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:35 PM on May. 22, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • I wouldn't allow anyone to hurt my child like that but that's just me. They just don't understand all the pain they are causing this child. Rejection causes wounds that cut very deep. I'd tell them to kiss my ...well you know. I'd tell my man to stand up for me and my son or help me pack. He's disrespecting you just as much as they are by not stopping it
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:10 PM on May. 22, 2010

  • Anonymous

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:42 PM on May. 22, 2010

  • UGH that is insensitive, and they really should be talked to. Are we really talking about adults here?
    ABusyBee

    Answer by ABusyBee at 10:42 PM on May. 22, 2010

  • yeah, i deal with that too sometimes. my son's father's mom like to take him and have him sleep overnight and he's gotten to go on a vacation with them and my daughter is stuck at home with us. they aren't old enough to say anything about it yet, but it hurts me because both of them are a part of me. I'd talk to your inlaws about it, but even then i don't think they will be as comfortable taking him with them where ever they feel like taking DD. but even so, you'd at least have them acknowledge his existence in their lives and at the same time talk to him and have him understand that there are somethings that they want to do with his stepsister. and when she's gone, make it his day to have fun at home. that's the best that i can do for my daughter now, and i imagine it'll be the same way when they get older. i'm sorry if this doesn't help much, but i feel your pain. it's hard but we do the best that we can.
    khmymommi

    Answer by khmymommi at 10:43 PM on May. 22, 2010

  • I think your DF should talk to his mom and let her know that your son is feeling left out and hurt that he is not included. Maybe she does not realize that your son is starting to notice this and that his feelings are hurt. It would not hurt if DF could ask his mom to plan a special afternoon with your son-- maybe to the park, zoo or a fun kid-friendly place. I hope it all works out!!
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 10:46 PM on May. 22, 2010

  • Some people are really funny like that....only thinking of blood relatives and/or not thinking about how others feel about things. It's just sad....maybe your DF? should say something?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:47 PM on May. 22, 2010

  • ***(continued...) So when they returned, I pulled my FSIL aside and told her about my converstaion with my son and asked if maybe she could talk to him. She just sent me a message via Facebook yesterday explaining how she didn't have the money to take him too and how she "tries" to include him whenever she has the money to and when she doesn't, she takes DSD on a Fri or weekend wh ile shes ....but honestly? In the last 6 months or so, she has ONLY taken DSD....she USED to take my son to dinner as well, but "apparently" she hasnt had the money to take him.(insert sarcasm) Bottom line, she doesn't have kids and his whole entire family don't seem to accept me or my son as real family. We are "step"...and I hate that word because I love my "step" daughter as if she were my own and I definately do NOT take only my son to places that I know she would want to go. If I don't have the money to take both, I don't take either. This has
    MissLisaMarie

    Answer by MissLisaMarie at 10:56 PM on May. 22, 2010

  • My own mother leaves out my step daughter a lot. With buying things, or taking the kids places. It upsets me and my husband. I've mentioned this several times to my mother and she still hasn't changed. I just can't get it to sink in her brain that my step daughter is also her granddaughter. Despite how long shes known her. She expects my husband to fully accept my 2 children from a previous marriage but refuses to accept his daughter. My step daughter hasn't said anything about feeling left out, but I'm sure she does. I've tried really hard to get my mother to change, but she hasn't. She says she has FIVE grandchildren, when she really has SIX. Its upsetting I know... but they may never change no matter what. My mother doesn't even REMEMBER that she has a step daughter, and she has for 3 1/2 years now.
    MJ_BN_FE

    Answer by MJ_BN_FE at 10:59 PM on May. 22, 2010

  • been an arguement between DF and I for years....first I kept telling myself that they will grow to love us over time, then when I was preggo I prayed that they would after DS2 was born, THEN I still kept kidding myself and said, once we get engaged and they KNOW we are here for the long haul they will accept us....but now, I don't ever see it changing. And yes DF HAS talked to his mother and she gets mad, resents my son and takes it out on him....like at xmas, she buys DSD 1,000 worth the gifts and I get nothing and my son gets very little and she complains about the little bit that she does buy him. Same with h is sisters....and yes they are grown adults. I have tried talking to them but they always blow it off and this last msg from h is sister really really upset me. DF tells me I make too much out of these things and that i have the problem, not them, that its not a big deal if they do stuff with his daughter.
    MissLisaMarie

    Answer by MissLisaMarie at 11:02 PM on May. 22, 2010

  • should i leave him? I wouldnt if it were just them, but the fact that he completely belittles my and my son's feelings really upsets me! I mean, things arent wonderful between us as it is, his mother lives RIGHT DOWN STAIRS and causes problems with a lot of things but he refuses to move! I cant win!
    MissLisaMarie

    Answer by MissLisaMarie at 11:03 PM on May. 22, 2010

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