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How can I ask it where I'm not bitching?

I am the kind of wife that will always introduce my husband to anyone that I meet. I try to get us together with other people so we can atleast have fun with other couples that are like us. He finally doesn't go on guys night out all the time because his best friend who was single for the last 10 years has a girlfriend, and guess what, they do things together, but me, I was the wife that got left at home with the 4 kids.
When it comes to anyone that I talk to, I tell him about. Not because I feel like I have to, but it's sharing. I don't have that much to share with him being a SAHM. Nothing really happens during the day anymore. Our youngest is 5 :)

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Peanut_Farley

Asked by Peanut_Farley at 10:56 PM on May. 22, 2010 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • If I was carrying on lengthly conversations with another man, I would say something. Does he? Nope. Never. We've had problems in the past with him and a "friend" from school. He hid the friendship, calls, texts, you name it. He said it's because he didn't want to hear me "bitch". That was 4 years ago when he was going to school.
    He has/had a problem with pornagraphy since I was pregnant back in 2004, that I know for sure, but with stories from him parents and friends, I am pretty sure that this is not a new thing.
    Peanut_Farley

    Answer by Peanut_Farley at 10:57 PM on May. 22, 2010

  • He keeps saying that he's not watching it or ordering it, but the last time I looked (not good I know), there it was. Hot Young Girls. Ugh. Gross.
    Then I had a friend of mine that had started making comments about DH texting her late at night and when I asked her what she ment, she handed me her phone.
    There was nothing bad there, really. Maybe a complain or two about us fighting, but nothing that was eyebrow raising. Nothing, but the fact that he only texted her late at night between 12-3am. While I was asleep. Never said anything about it to me, but if a random friend (female) text him or calls he'll tell me about it.
    Peanut_Farley

    Answer by Peanut_Farley at 10:57 PM on May. 22, 2010

  • Then there is a lady online that he's been emailing a lot and not saying anything and again, there has been other females that he tells me about. Just not the ones that he having a friendship with. Ever.
    I know that he's faithful. That is not my gripe. I just don't understand why if I treat him one way, why he can't give me the same respect in return? Why am I not good enough to have my love and respect returned?
    Everything else in our marriage is okay, for the most part. Every marriage has problems, but these two things really bother me and I've told him. He just doesn't care.
    Peanut_Farley

    Answer by Peanut_Farley at 10:57 PM on May. 22, 2010

  • How long have you let him get away with disrespecting you? The longer you allow it, the harder it is to correct.
    Aqua_Jen

    Answer by Aqua_Jen at 11:00 PM on May. 22, 2010

  • ummmm, we've been together for 8 yr but 12 total. i don't let him get away with it really, i just dont know how to get him to stop
    Peanut_Farley

    Answer by Peanut_Farley at 11:01 PM on May. 22, 2010

  • I wouldn't be allowing any of the above behavior in my marriage. I would be curious as to why he feels like he needs to talk to another woman about you fights? I guess I would ask him what he was getting out of midnight chats and secret friendships.
    kaylan010

    Answer by kaylan010 at 11:13 PM on May. 22, 2010

  • None of this is okay. How did he get your friend's number to text in the first place? That would bother me so much not to meniton that he is texting her late at night complaining about you. Then there is the woman he is emailing. I'm sorry but I really think you need to tell him he stops every bit of it now. Or else you're done with him. Life is too short for this nonsense and I'm not trying to be mean, I'm really not, but if this is an example of how committed he is to you, don't expect him to be faithful forever. He has cheater written all over him with this behavior.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:41 PM on May. 22, 2010

  • Being that I've been married for over 21 years,the best advice I can give you is to not tolerate his behavior.If he continues it,you are tolerating it by not making a stand. Time to get mean,honey-or leave. Why is he texting ANYONE,let alone any female about anything going on in your marriage? Those things need to be between you and him ALONE. That is utter disrespect. You need to wake up. He isnt caring for you as he should,as a loving husband. Im not trying to be mean.Im really not,but you are so much better than the treatment you are getting. Lying about watching porn-you caught him red handed. Texting and emailing random women. He's LOUDLY telling you things are not well in the marriage. That he's not satisfied,therefore you can't be happy. If you arent enough for him,then it's time for him to move along with his life,so you can. You deserve better. Im sorry you're going through this. He's not worthy of you.
    phall1069

    Answer by phall1069 at 12:01 AM on May. 23, 2010

  • Do not let him disrepect you in this way. He keeps doing it because you let him, and just complain but dont do anything about it. Im sure he is telling the other "friends" that your a superbitch and he just wants out so they have sympothy for him. Honey, you seem like a wonderful person and you desevre so much more then he is giving you. I would tell him like it is and put your foot down. Get mean, or leave.
    sunsetbeach81

    Answer by sunsetbeach81 at 12:49 AM on May. 23, 2010

  • I know you probably don't what to do this... but its the only way. Your husband is flat out taking advantage of your kinder nature and heart. You need to tell him that you will not longer accept what he is doing and it must stop... If not there will be consequence's. That consequence will be you leaving him. A mere separation. Now in that time you will find out if your husband really loves you or not. GL. trust me this is the only way. I have been where you are. I tried everything. Leaving him after giving him a last chance to fix his wrong before I did was the only thing that worked.

    soonmommyof3

    Answer by soonmommyof3 at 3:13 AM on May. 23, 2010

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