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I'm taking my son and leaving state

In about 3 -5 weeks from now my son and I will be across country. I really need some relief though. I told DH that I was leaving and now he is making threats of some how son isn't going with me. The lawyer says as long as we are married he can't press charges of kid napping. But my only thought is, what is he going to do? I know it was the right thing to do is to tell him we are leaving. But now I'm thinking I shouldn't tell him what day/time. Do I need to tell him what day/time I'm leaving? I don't want him to get to the airport to tell son bye then pick him up and leave. I'm really worried now.

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Asked by JuneWestling at 10:58 PM on May. 22, 2010 in Relationships

Level 3 (20 Credits)
Answers (27)
  • As far as I know, if you are married, either spouse can take the child without the other's permission, and no one can do anything about it. Its when you AREN'T married or divorced that it becomes a problem. Are you planning on filing for divorce or what?

    Answer by Ash9724 at 11:01 PM on May. 22, 2010

  • I can't file until i'm no longer pregnant. So while I'm pregnant (another 7 months) I can get residency in the other state and then file after baby #2 is here. But do I need/have to tell him what day/time I'm leaving? I don't want to be mean but he is making this literally impossible.

    Answer by JuneWestling at 11:05 PM on May. 22, 2010

  • I mean the only thing I think he could do if you just take your son and disappear one day, is call the police and say you guys are missing. That is the only I can think of that could cause a problem...if you think he would go that far. So I would just tell him the day you are leaving just to be safe.

    Answer by Ash9724 at 11:08 PM on May. 22, 2010

  • I dont think u HAVE to tell him. Maybe if u tell him what day/time u can bring a friend with u to help keep u husband under control? Or possibly ask airport security for help once u are there?

    Answer by renniemom3 at 11:10 PM on May. 22, 2010

  • I think it's totally irrational to leave the state or cross the country unless you are being abused or threatened. I wouldn't do anything irrational....

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:12 PM on May. 22, 2010

  • I really don't know about any of that. Good luck and I hope you and your son are fine in the end.

    Answer by NOLAmommaKRYS at 11:17 PM on May. 22, 2010

  • NO he can call and report us missing, but he is only wasting the law's time and knowing that is wrong. He knows we are going, address, number etc. He is allowed to visit whenever he wants but makes excuses his job is important. The place I am going is my only option. I don't believe you should stay just for the kids when things are bad. Verbal abuse is just as bad as other abuse. They leave scars to, also on the child.
    Anonymous one: if your only place to go was across country to be safe and be happy would you? Or would you stay in same state become homeless, live in ditch/homeless shelter? I am making the right choice, so I don't loose my son and we have shelter.

    Answer by JuneWestling at 11:17 PM on May. 22, 2010

  • I'd go to and link to KNOW THE LAWS then find your state and see what it says about taking your child across state lines without dad's permission.

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:26 PM on May. 22, 2010

  • I have gone through this, and PLEASE listen to me! Different states are different, so I don't know about yours, but when my husband disappeared with our two children, I got the law involved. It took 4 1/2 months to track them down and bring them home, but he was charged with two counts of Aggravated Interference With Parental Custody.

    If you decide to leave PLEASE keep in touch with him. Don't just drop off the face of the planet. This WILL backfire, it backfired for my husband. Three years later he has only now finished paying off fines (in the thousands of dollars) and finished serving probation time. He escaped jail time because I asked them not to pursue that.

    Answer by Kharma25 at 11:29 PM on May. 22, 2010

  • I have talked to the Lawyer in the state I'm in now. He said there is no way he can press charges against me for kidnapping. My mothers 2nd DH left her from the state I'm going to and they also told her that no kidnapping charges can be filed because they were married. I know the law, but on my own behalf I thought he should know that we are leaving. He has just gone outraged in threats that I'm terrified he is going to up and leave with our child and cause an accident or something from being so upset. When all is said and done, This is what I HAVE to do.

    Answer by JuneWestling at 11:36 PM on May. 22, 2010

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