Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

how do you get un-needy?

if it was up to me, my SO wouldnt leave my side! when he leaves, its to the point where i want to cry b/c he's gone. how do i get it so i dont NEED him as much?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 1:00 AM on May. 23, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • You can't be truly happy when your whole existence is based upon someone else. It's a false sense of security/happiness and honestly, in the end it will drive him away. If it's one thing men can't stand, it's needy, clingy women. Believe me! You need to do things that make you happy that don't involve your significant other. God forbid you ever break up, how would you survive? You don't want to be a weak person, especially if you are a mother, which I am assuming you are because you're on this site. I would suggest finding some books on co-dependency and maybe those would help. Seriously though, if you love him as much as you say you do, you will give him some space. #1 it will save your relationship and #2 it will make you feel better also. Plus men love independent women. It will make him more attracted to you in the meantime most likely! Good luck!

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:16 AM on May. 23, 2010

  • I agree find something to do that you can do alone. Hang with your owm friends volunteer somewher...

    Answer by jazmya_mom at 2:54 AM on May. 23, 2010

  • Such neediness is a sign of unresolved personal issues and require professional help. I urge you to make an investment in self and go get counseling. You will find support and others who are working through the same issues while developing the necessary coping skills that you lack. Asking friends or CafeMoms for advise should not be a substitute for the foot work that you need to do. Please do this before you run this man and every other man away. Remember the healthier you become, the healthier your choices and decisions.


    Answer by Ewadun at 5:27 AM on May. 23, 2010

  • You need therapy.

    Answer by rkoloms at 7:39 AM on May. 23, 2010

  • You need to find happiness within yourself. You need to love yourself & enjoy the time you get alone with yourself.

    Answer by samurai_chica at 9:18 AM on May. 23, 2010

  • other than my child, the majority of the time is by myself. my SO and I dont live together and we only get to see each other 2 or 3 times a week, either for just a few hours, or overnight.

    so far, he hasnt seen my neediness. I'm a strong independent woman. Still a single mom from 5 years ago (child isnt his), about to get my BA in 2 years- I go after what I want, and usually, I get it. even tho i want him to stay home/be with me, I seem fine when he leaves; tells him to be safe, have a good time, etc. but inside, its like i'm breaking. but i cant/wont let him see that b/c to me, its a sign of weakness, and yea- weakness will get you killed (extreme, but thats how i was raised)

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:23 AM on May. 23, 2010

  • A little neediness isn't bad. I mean think about if you were the opposite and couldn't care less about his comings or goings. Try finding some interests of your own. Basing your whole life around seeing/not seeing your SO is unrealistic and unhealthy, but a little need and desire can only be good!

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:41 AM on May. 23, 2010

  • why don't you go out and enjoy yourself with some of your friends as well. And have a good time. or even family like sisters and brothers and cousins. maybe if he see's you getting all dressed up , and going out , alot he might stop going places with out you as much.If he see's that you are happy without him as you are with him he might either stop going out without you all together or not go out without you as much. good luck.But please don't cry when he leaves you that is the worst thing you can do.. in front of him. show confidence. And if there are nights that you can't seem to find someone to go out with then go out by yourself go to star bucks and get some coffee and read a book. another night go see a movie.. etc...

    Answer by incarnita at 9:56 AM on May. 23, 2010

  • go out to the mall and buy yourself lots of wonderful thing , and you can also go out and pamper your self. get your nails done, get a message, go do your hair. go get a wax, go to the tanning salon and get a tan. you know go do things that makes yourself feel betterOkay l'll go now or else I won't be able to stop. lol.

    Answer by incarnita at 10:02 AM on May. 23, 2010

  • It's called trust. You have to trust that he loves you enough to always come back. I was pretty needy when I met SO. He wasn't having any of that needy crap so I had to let go and found out he always came back, on his own. Once I lightened up then we got along a lot better too.

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:59 PM on May. 23, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.

Next question in Relationships
why does he do this?! TMI

Next question overall (General Parenting)