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What to do about an angry husband...

My husband and I have been married for nearly 14 years. He is really my best friend. Lately we have been struggling... He is in a band and spends four nights a week out drinking with them and playing music (which he calls his job), he does make a small amount of money a week -less that 100.00. He has been unemployed for nearly three years. I am a full time student, full time mother, and tutor at the local university. My problem is that every time I ask him to skip a rehearsal because we can't afford it he gets really angry, calls me names, throws things, and leaves. All I really want is for him to get a job and be helpful around the house. I feel like things are all my fault, but are they really. I am not sure how to cope with his anger and frustration. I love my husband and want to be with him. At the same time I want to be treated with love, respect, and dignity, and I want him to get a job. Is that too much to ask

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:35 AM on May. 23, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • Its not to much to ask, and if he wants respect and understanding, then he needs to give it as well. And its not all your fault, it seems that you both are under large amounts of stress and that causes alot of tension and arguments. Have you sat down and talked it out? If that doesnt work I would try a sepeartion. He needs to understand that things are tough right now and it taked both people to make a household run. Sure he loves his music, but its not paying the bill right now is it. I couldnt be treated that way. I wouldnt allow it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:41 AM on May. 23, 2010

  • no its not too much to ask. I think your husband needs to deceide what is more important his family or his band? Then the two of you need to make compromises accordingly....well thats not true if he said band I'd "pack" his stuff and leave it on the front yard for him! lol... It seems he is putting his wants above family needs but maybe he sees your going to school the same way. it doesn't make sense to me but it may be what he is thinking.I think its time for a heart to heart in order to determine what each of you need at the stage of your marriage. If all goes well and he wants to work on things I suggest the book The Love Dare its a 40 day journey to improving your relationship but isn't all touchy feely however it is Christian based...just a suggestion good luck
    bandrplus2

    Answer by bandrplus2 at 1:42 AM on May. 23, 2010

  • It's not much to ask for! I agree with u, love, respect, and dignity means a lot to us women! He needs to stop being selfish and focus on your relationship! Tell him how you feel. Maybe join him sometime with his band. Don't act in control or like your trying to tell him to leave it. Let him know your feelings of how u feel about him being out so much with his friends, at the bar .Compromising helps.
    Hesmynavyman

    Answer by Hesmynavyman at 2:21 AM on May. 23, 2010

  • I dont think its too much to ask. But you have let this continue for 3 years its time for you to put your foot down, and tell him to man up he can still do the band if he gets a job that will help defray the costs. When he throws tantrums ignore his butt. Thats just so rude!!! you all have been together wayyyy too long to be going through this now. Let him know how you feel about this situation and tell him what you wnat from him...
    jazmya_mom

    Answer by jazmya_mom at 2:52 AM on May. 23, 2010

  • Inform him that he's not 16 w/ no responsibilities anymore! Being a dad & a husband means putting the family's needs before your own. That's what it means to sacrifice for your kids. He's throwing a fit bc it works!!! He knows if he acts this way that he gets to continue doing exactly what he wants & it shuts you up. No they're not your fault & the fact you're even asking leads me to believe he's emotionally abusive to you. Does he make you feel bad about yourself or what you're doing in your life? Do you feel like he's dead weight hanging around your neck? Time to cut the cord! Tell him he needs to start looking for a job & prove it or you're leaving. Tell him you expect him to have some kind of job, any job really in 2 weeks or you're leaving! He's not gonna change this behavior unless you force him too & if he doesn't end up changing do you really want to continue to be around for it?
    Nyx7

    Answer by Nyx7 at 7:07 AM on May. 23, 2010

  • I agree with hesmynaveyman, here.:)
    incarnita

    Answer by incarnita at 10:12 AM on May. 23, 2010

  • it sounds as if your husband is taking more lessons about acting lk a teenager by playing in the band from what i assume r younger "men." he is acting like a kid and u need a man. try and work it out but u do need to stop allowing his temper tantrums control u because he gets to continue what u hv allowed him to do for 3 yrs now. he needs a reality check. while u r doing all the heavy lefting he is pretending to hv a job. its time he maned up or u need to show him the door/ GL
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:47 PM on May. 23, 2010

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